Mommaredfox
New Here
I am seeing a psychiatrist and an on many medications for PTSD, major depression, anxiety, social affective disorder, and seasonal affective disorder. I have been beat up physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally all my life by men. I was raped a year ago and am now afraid to go anywhere. Even when Im with someone else. Everyone and everything I have ever cared about I always seem to lose somehow. And everyone always tells me its not my fault. I can't trust anyone. My sons dads pregnant girlfriend split my head open with a 3/4" ratchet because she was jealous of me. I almost died and it was all set up by my boyfriend of 8 years at the time. Apparently women arent allowed to voice their opinions without being beat for having a mind of their own. We are to be seen, not heard. Im constantly lied to, cheated on ,and hurt.I often think of suicide and have attempted it at least 8-9 times. I failed at that just like I fail everything else. My father told me I would never amount to anything. Yes i was abused violently as a child. I changed the cycle with my boys. Ive NEVER hit them or put them down or lied to them. They are now very respectful of women and protective too. I dont know if Im even worth saving. I dont know how to get away from these abusive people i seem to attract to me. All I know is that somehow I must bring out the violence in people. Because I have a mind of my own and am not afraid to let it be known. Well I never used to be afraid. Now Im about to lose EVERYTHING, because I trusted my boyfriend of 6 years and everything hes promised turned out to be lies. Now i will have no home, no one, i have to find a home for my therapy dog. I will have the clothes on my back and no energy to try again. I may as well be dead. I already dont exist. Oh and my body is deteriorating on me from all the beatings and abuse. I need surgery on my neck back and knees. I quit.
