Don't Know What I'm Supposed To Do

[Rapala]

My husband of 37 years started shutting down on me. It's been an emotional roller coaster of "I don't love you the way I used to" to I'm sorry I said that back to saying it again , pulling away from me, moving out of our room and moving back in again. We started marriage counceling. I was trying to do everything I was told, but evidently that was all wrong. I have abandonment issues and it was determined that he has ptsd. Therapist can't or won't work with both of us so I'm to go to another therapist while he continues with 1st and now no therapy together. The problem is, I had no idea he had ptsd (I grew up with a father who did), don't know what the trauma was, don't know what triggers it. He's also admitted he's depressed but refuses any meds. He won't talk to me, clue me in and I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say. My marriage is falling apart, & I'm losing the love of my life, my soul mate and don't know what to say or do? Is there any hope? How do I help him if I don't know what's going on? Just being here isn't enough evidently because he mentioned possibly moving out again. I've been reading as much as I can on ptsd, but I'm so devastated, I just don't know what to do anymore. Can anyone give me some insight?

 

[becvan]

Rapala you would get much more support and insight if you post in the supporter's section. There you will learn more about our disorder from a supporters point of view along with great coping skills and boundary settings.

bec

 

[jcat]

I have PTSD and have been dealing with it for 30 years. My wife has a personality disorder and her meds weren't working so they tried something new and it threw her into blackout psychotic episodes. While in an episode she'd exhibit behaviors that tripped every trigger for me and sent me into a tail spin. Hope there is the tail spin was short lived.
We had to look hard for a therapist who would see us individually and as a couple but it was worth the hunt. I would strongly suggest searching that out. Most therapists won't because of their views on patient confidentiality. Our doc doesn't break that but can at least bring our point of view to each other in our private individual sessions. There are just some things you can't tell your partner yourself.

As far as him taking medication. If he hasn't needed it in the past them he may just need some sort term meds. Just to keep him even keel while he works through the issues. Maybe he is inner or was given the impression he'd be on them long term.
Hope for PTSD is that I lead a very normal life and have for years and years. A back spin is rare and quickly recovered from now. Just with all the therapy over the years it doesn't take much to get back on track. Our therapist sees her now. I've got solid strong coping skills. Thank God above we snipped things in the butt before any real damage was caused between us.
I also have huge abandonment issues as well. Maybe this is something he has to work out on his own. Is he talking about moving out of the house or just the bedroom? If he's just moving back and forth from the bedroom I wouldn't worry about that much from an abandonment stand point.