Don't Take This The Wrong Way, But I Don't Want To Fit In Here.

[Burke]

I recently sought out a therapist who says I have PTSD. I don't think I am ready to tell my story yet other than to say that as a child, I lost my parents due to a murder/suicide. In a strange way, it is comforting to see that other people feel the way I do. In another way, I don't want to visit this site again.

 

[Jaybird3939]

Hi, Burke
I lost my parents (& grandparents) in a similar situation (a neighbor killed them, then himself). I am really glad that you've seen a therapist. Anything you do that makes you feel better is the right thing for you, just don't shut yourself off. I have for many, many years and it's lead to a lot of physical & emotional difficulties. Good luck and do what you need to do to stay healthy.
Janine

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Welcome Burke. I hope you decide to stick around at least for a bit and see how helpful this place can be in your healing process. You don't have to share about yourself if you don't want. Just be here and feel welcome and find acceptance and some sort of peace. Wish you well!

 

[Michele Janes]

Welcome to the forum Burke. I lost my sister in a tragic car accident, followed by my brother's suicide six months later (with me being the one to find him)...along with a childhood that was filled with abuse. I have only just recently begun to accept the fact that I have PTSD. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but I agree with Jaybird when she says anything that makes you feel better is the right thing. Dealing with this disorder can be so lonely sometimes and it truly does help to know that there are others out there who struggle with the same things we do. To be a supportive comfort and give us advice, encouragement and a shoulder to cry on. I hope that you are able to find all of those things here.
Wishing you some solace,
Michele

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum :)

It takes time to accept. Take your time if you have too. I hope you come back.

 

[Nighthawk]

I can understand the pull. There are days were I still fight my diagnosis. I hope you choose support from others here.

 

[Burke]

I guess the problem is, I can't seem to find what it is that will make me feel better. For quite some time, I have sought refuge in my work. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work for me anymore and I feel like I can't escape and I can't get away from this war that is raging inside me.

 

[Jaybird3939]

For me, for a really long time, refuge came for me in an endless glass of wine. I was a functioning alcoholic for quite a few years, hit bottom a couple of years ago & have been sober since, but it was easier for a long time to pass out at night than to deal with the rage, hopelessness, insomnia and fear that I had inside. Some things are better than they were and I can actually be happy some days. I don't have family to find solace in, so I try other things now, a new, less stressful job, re newing (sort of) contact with my brother, and trying to find things that will boost my self esteem & sense of feeling like I should be glad to still be around (I was able to run away before anything happened to me the day I lost my family, but survivor's guilt is a bitch). I can't really talk to anyone about how I feel, people always react with horror, then never treat me the same, which is why this forum is so great. I truly hope you're able to find one or two things that will make you smile every day. It doesn't seem like much, but it's a start. Good luck & I hope you'll let us know how you're doing.
Janine

 

[Burke]

Wow! I don't know what else to say. I thought it was just me.

I also turned to wine for those same reasons, but I am working really hard to change that. As for the stressful job, I feel like I need that because it is a distraction. In fact, I have two jobs and work 14-15 hours a day. Fortunately, it's not because I need the money. It's because I can't handle the down time.

I just want to know if I will ever feel happy again?

 

[Burke]

I can also relate to never being able to talk to anybody. I feel like they just feel sorry for me and it is the first thing they think of when they see me. I do not live near where it happened and no one here knows. I would obviously prefer to keep it that way.

 

[jo may]

Hi Burke and welcome to the forum:)

You can only take things at your own pace it's not a race.
I really hope you find the support you need.

My problems are different but I also turn to the bottle when I can't cope, today is a bad day so we'll have to see what's what after work. But I really want a drink because today I don't want to be here:(

Even though I'm having a bad day I have found this site very helpful and I hope you do come back.

JM

 

[LoyalOne]

I feel like they just feel sorry for me and it is the first thing they think of when they see me.

This is one of the major reasons I never reported what happened to me. I don't want to be labelled 'the girl who was ________', I don't want the pity, and I don't want the endless offers for support and the whispers of 'oh, well you know what happened to her, right?' when I step away to go to the bathroom.

I hope the anonymity here helps you defuse.