Dread Of Family Event

[louisa]

I am dreading my mother's 80th Birthday Party, mainly because I find socializing with others difficult since developing PTSD after being attacked. I feel I can't back out of this event as my mother and the rest of the family are really looking forward to it. My family lack understanding of my symptoms. I am filled with dread, and angry that i have to attend, and all my PTSD symptoms are increasing, due, I feel to this dread and the feeling that I am forced to attend - my attack involved force and control and having to do things against my will.

Any comments or advice would be welcome.

Louisa

 

[shandemonium]

HI Louisa,

Any chance you could just make an appearance at the end?

I don't know all the aspects of your family, so forgive me for giving any bad suggestions. BUt if you do plan to go, you could always "have something to do before/after" that limits your time with them.

There's always "getting sick". Calling in sick isn't just for work when it comes to us! We need to call in sick for life too. And don't think of it as lying either; frankly, PTSD is a sickness but save your breath explaining that to people! "I'm not feeling well" is enough... it's all they need to know.

Just my 2 cents...

 

[ghotiff]

If you plan to "be sick on the day" you might want to act positive about attending prior to the event. i don't see anything wrong with prioritizing yourself and your own health and stress.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have found quite often that what we dread, when we actually deal with it in real life later, didn't turn out some badly. It is the dread and worry that get us all worked up and feeling awful.

Do you know grounding techniques? You know, being aware of things in your environment, and also of your feet touching the ground and your seat touching your place where you are sitting. I learned these in group therapy. The leader told us to focus on our environment, being aware of something for each of our senses. Listen for a noise, feel/touch something with your hand, look for a color, etc. You can do things like this whenever you find yourself worrying or dreading. These actions lessen the dread and help you to deal with the situation.

I also like the idea mentioned above, to just make a short appearance.

 

[Friday]

LOL... I'm the opposite of @SheilaKathy. The things I dread are usually a very timely warning that I am not in a good place and things are going to go very badly if I try and push myself. I have had a few things surprise me, as not being as bad as I was worried about. But that's stacked up against hundreds of times things were far worse. I am open to things going better than I fear, but I plan for them going worse.

As such, if I'm able, I usually reschedule/cancel/something along those lines. Can't do that for a lot of things (my own wedding, for example ;) although maybe I should have!).

If canceling is not an option (one's own wedding, court appearances, etc.)... Major self care. Slavish adherence to everything that works well in my life (routines, exercise, pacing myself, grounding, taking breaks, etc.) and changing other things in my life to work around it. Like hiring a sitter & taking a day off work to spend a day sleeping/ relaxing/ building reserves... And ditto the day after (or several days) in order to recover.

If canceling is not preferred (someone else's shindig), but it's also not a "life-stopper" event that I need to be taking time off & completely rearranging my life in order to make it happen... I work with what I've got. Meaning I may make an appearance. Or I may go, but be ready to plead migraine, in order to take breaks. Or I may plan on only going if and only if I feel up to it. Or, or, or. It's much more of a balancing act.

 

[louisa]

Hey all,

thank you for all the replies. Feels great to have some understanding, without judgment. Thinking of making an appearance at the end, as suggested (thanks) but my son, daughter and partner know i am trying to get out of it already, so it's going to be difficult - on the other hand may try and convince every one I'm 'physically sick' (though PTSD does make me feel physically ill - they don't 'get' psychological or mental ill health or PTSD in any way - makes me despair!)

Will re-read replys and think things over. Always have to rush on here and pretend I'm not on here, and pretend that PTSD has no effect on me. They all know i have it but expect me to have no symptoms - bet they don't even know what the symptoms are.

Thanks everyone

Louisa

 

[Changing4Best]

@louisa Sounds to me like your family needs some education on PTSD. Does your healthcare professional have any little pamphlets about it that you could give to them? Or maybe you could find some info about it online and show it to them?

 

[louisa]

Hi SheilaKathy,

thanks for the reply. I think that's a good idea. I don't feel able to do that at the moment. However, I am thinking about it. It's all a very long story but it's great to be able to talk to you all on here. Thanks again,

Louisa