Dropped Off Edge

[Bill Dickerson]

I've doing real well the last few months. Actually feeling normal with some purpose. Getting house ready to sell and working with my hands is good for me.

Then my Mom gets cold feet and my sister butts in. Now I feel like I fell off the depression cliff and I'm spiraling downward.

Seems damned if I do move and damned if I don't. It's like bad karma has been splashed all over the dream and it just stinks to high heaven.

Now I feel like if we move my Mom will feel like I pushed her into it. I don't want my Mom to move to just make me happy.

Then I have to deal with my control freak sister who actually can't seem to get her (bad word) together.

All of my work, plans, and project lists for months has been about fixing the house and looking for another one. My mind has been completely wrapped around this and now there is nothing but crap associated with the idea. Maybe it's not worth all of the trouble.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I can relate to the moving part. My house has been for sale since May and only a handful of oeople have even looked at it. And I spent a lot of money getting it ready to sell.

Your sister is damn lucky that you can fix things and as exhausting it is that you can be depended on. I'm truly sorry she is not on the same page.

Can you trust your mother to say what's really on her mind? It sounds like you've taken care of her for awhile. I hope when you list the house that it sells quickly.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

She usually says her mind. Oh boy yea and then some.

She knows how upset I am and I don't want her to do it for me.

My sister got involved because my Mom thought I was moving too fast. We got preapproved for the loan amount and I was real excited about a house very near where she wanted to move. I think I may have pushed a little hard for this place but I never intended to make her move there if she didn't want to. I was just lobbying for the place and I wanted her to go look at it one more time. Her short term memory is going and she was confused about some of the house details.

My sister started to tell me what I want and what I need to do. That just pissed me off to no end. I can handle disappointment but my sister was just too much.

 

[Changing4Best]

Sounds like your sister is a "control freak" and time does some interesting things to them, namely sets them right about certain mistakes they are making. Give her time....

As to your mother with short term memory problems, that could be a real issue. She may b concerned that she won't be able to remember where anything is in the new house. Right now, she may feel secure, knowing where everything is in the house that you live in, whereas, when/if you move, she could be confused by the location of the bathroom in the middle of the night and things like that. Maybe she has real reasons to have cold feet. Talk to her about it, try to understand where she is coming from.

On the other hand, if there is a financial situation where you think you can sell your current house and get a less expensive one in exchange, in order to save money and come out ahead, talk to her and see if she can see reason. Tell her you will help her around in the new house, regularly orienting her in it every day before bedtime.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

Unfortunately my sister is eleven years older than I and she hasn't seen the control issues yet.

My Mom actually does pretty well right now. She still drives and shops (I make her take a cell phone). She just forgets an ingredient in a cake from time to time and I may have to tell her something more than once. I do get to tell her jokes more than once. I never point out to her that she forgot something. She knows she is forgetful and I don't want to shake her confidence.

With the interest rates like they are now it would be cheaper to buy something else. I got her to refinance to a lower rate several years ago but she insisted on a fifteen year note. I should have talked her out of it but she wanted that way. At the time she could afford it so I didn't insist. Her secondary insurance went up a third last year and with tax increases it has got to be more than she can afford.

I looked at refinancing to a thirty year note but the refinance would be less than half the value of the property or something like that. It has to do with some rule about predatory loans and the percentage of the value of the house versus the new loan. Anyway the value of the house has dropped about twenty five percent so we are stuck. (Ronald Reagan) The nine most terrifying words in the English language "I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

Where we are looking cost of living is about the same but neither of us has to pay property tax so it's actually advantageous. The way I figure it the note would be one hundred dollars cheaper a month.