Drowning

[Calendula]

I have been feeling depressed for a while now, but lately it's just getting worse.
I keep having things that pill up on top of each other and I feel so close to completely losing it.

I try to keep my mind off of everything that is bothering me by keeping myself busy. But, at the end of the day, I always have to come back home and sleep in my room alone with my thoughts. It's keeping me awake every night. I don't know how to cope anymore..

I can't find a therapist - or at least don't have the energy to find one - and I only recently started taking my medication, which is not fully helping because I am on such a low dose.. I'm starting to feel discouraged when I think of how long it'll take me to get better, although most days that feels impossible.

I'm scared of the way I feel and of my own thoughts.. What's something that brings you some joy in your darkest moments?

 

[NaeNae75]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Do try to muster the energy to find a T...try as hard as you can to make it a priority, especially under the circumstances.

Joy in my dark moments come from a bubble bath, my granddaughter, my animals....one of these can always bring me some resolve. Also try to meditate if you get the opportunity. It helps a lot. It can be difficult at first, but it really does help.

 

[AnotherUser]

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time with it at the moment. There is help and progress out there for you. You already seem to know that, since you're looking for a therapist, which is a good sign.

I figure that since I'm going to repeat all my negative cycles anyway, at least, at last, I am doing it under observation, and there's some chance to work hard and break them. That helps a lot when considering how much time it could take to make a big improvement (not something any of us can know for sure).

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am sorry to hear your having such a hard time, from your subject "drowning" I have to wonder if your thinking of doing, I hope your referring to drowning in your particular issues. In case its the former, I can tell you from experience it's as frightening as any trauma, I tried drowning once as I cannot swim. I don't think I would ever attempt it again.

If you are having suicidal ideation you may consider going to the hospital, not only will they help you with your safety, they will help you with your meds, and in discharge planning getting you setup with a T before you leave.

 

[Calendula]

I am sorry to hear your having such a hard time, from your subject "drowning" I have to won...

I get a few thoughts, but I can push them away pretty easily. I'm just scared it's going to get worse because I'm getting into that mindset of "it's never going to get better." I'm trying my best to find help, but I'm extremely busy and it's hard for me to find the time to sit down and make some calls to potential therapists.. But, I'll have some free time very soon which I plan to use to focus on myself.

 

[Freida]

But, I'll have some free time very soon which I plan to use to focus on myself.

Keep that thought...It gives you something to remind you there is forward momentum!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Calendula I have the same problem with the "It's never going to get better", and I know with that mindset and symptoms I sometimes want to fix it permanently, but I know myself (insight) and so I sort of box myself in by sabotaging my opportunities before I get to that stage. By doing that it actually helps me from getting to that stage in the first place because I put a roadblock in the way."

I do have a suggestion, I know your going to have time soon as you say, but you know unplanned things tend to take over such plans, I would suggest do a little bit each day, at least the research, 15 minutes or some small amount maybe right when you get up, go to bed, or some other routine time. That way you get it done over time as well, and it does not impact your busy schedule. If you have a regular exercise time or some other activity time, substitute the time for this in its place temporarily.