Other than baking what does depression look like for you?
LOL...Baking is just something I catch myself doing before I fall into a depression. Not something I do when I’m actually depressed. I don’t do much of anything once that happens.
Some of these overlap
When I’m deep in it...
- Sleeping 20+ hours a day
- Eating maybe once a week
- Medical grade lethargy (I’m awake, but I can’t even turn my head, it just too much effort, so I just lay there.)
- Staring a whatever is in front of me, as if it’s the most interesting/ engaging thing I’ve ever seen, IE boredom is impossible). Different from lethargic, because I can move, I simply can’t see any reason to.
- Inability to care about almost anything
- Apathy
- Blunted affect / emotions / anhedonia
- No real awareness of time or time passing
- Large disassociation spells / lights on no one home
There’s just no fight left in me, my get up and go got up and went, and I’m just tired. Too tired to care, too tired to bother, to tired to notice. I don’t want anything, not even the things I need. Waking, sleeping, living, dying, grief, joy, pain, pleasure, hot, cold, hungry, full, loved, unloved, alone, surrounded, clean, dirty,... all just sort of swirl together, losing the sharp edges that makes them
them, and there’s nothing left but a kind of boneless malaise of DGAF.
And any currents of it you KNOW how to deal with? (Cause I sorta doubt the WholeThing is a sucker, so if we break the depression down, which bits of it you can tackle already?)
Actually? The whole thing. I’ve never been able to break it down because it’s very on/off, not a lot of gap between when I’m fine & not fine... but there are some alt-versions where
- Holed up and hurting. This one is fairly frequent? But short. Usually just a few days of few weeks. It’s like the above at half-strength shaken with pain/grief/despair/sadness (so much sadness & I don’t DO sadness) and garnished with a twist of helpless rage, and served straight up. flaming, and thrown at a wall. Curled up to lick my wounds, sort of thing. I’ll come out eventually, and I’m very much aware of what’s up thanks to all the pain that keeps me present, but it’s a waiting game. Any time I’ve tried to push through it, without a very real emergency propelling it, I’ve ended up waking up a few months later having kicked into the full fledged version without realizing.
- As long as I have motions to go through, I can just sorta kinda go through the motions. It’s like, the inertia is still there, but I’m already moving so I keep moving. Without really knowing why, or caring. More in disassociation land than depression land? Very dead inside, but at least there are signs of life externally.
I don't think there is a way of stopping depression. It sounds as though you are scared to be depressed. I understand the fear. Once it starts, it's hard to stop.
Yep. Abjectly terrified of it. Every other symptom set I can still have a life, maybe not the life I want -10 or 20 hours a day of flashbacks and panic attacks and all the f*ck else doesn’t leave a lot of time to do much, but there is still the ability to do
something. Depression steals all the time and all the ability. I’ve never been able TO break out of it. It just happens, until it stops. Then there’s also the joy and excitement of . ;)Powerlessness + Control Freak = Nooooooooooooo.
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Rage kills Despair
Action kills Fear
Nothing I know of kills Depression
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KK I know there are more Q’s but my brain is done. Maybe it won’t happen this time. Maybe sometimes baking can just happen all by itself. Maybe I can get one of the tips/tricks here in this thread to work.
