@RussH : I have so much anger for my mother for keeping her brother (my abuser) at our house last year and whenever we get into arguments she blames me for provoking her narcissistic brother. Almost 2 weeks ago we had a huge argument because she was treating my abusers (i.e. her sister and her pedophile brother-in-law) son with great treatment over the phone while her sister has abused me as a child. That night when i told her that I don't like her treating their kids who also treat me bad like their parents well hurts me and I can't tolerate her loving them. She told me that "She cannot change them and I NEED to change myself". This lead to further argument where she told me that I am "jealous" of their success which is no where near true. There was so much yelling and screaming, which resulted me grabbing a knife and almost cutting my wrist. Then she was yelling at me that she'll take me to the psych ward and get me electric shocks. She was yelling at me and calling me jealous and insane which caused me more pain. I was getting worse and worse.
I have lost trust in her since last year when she kept her brother in our house because he is the same guy who forced child labor on me. He used to live in our house and make toxic comments on me (i.e. That i will become a nun or a nymph) and much much worse. Once (last year), he got into an argument with me when I made a comment on him because I wanted him to feel how i felt when he made such comments on me. He lashed on me, he swore at me and called me very filthy things. Instead of stopping him my mother took his side and called me a "bitch" and told me to go to my room. I have never had a say even when her relatives including their kids could say crap to me. Then she went to India last year to get her brother married the 3rd time (Yes! I know THIRD time) while I was suicidal and depressed. Whenever I called her, she would yell at me, tell me that I am unthankful, useless and I am insane and i need electric shocks!
Now, I can't seem to tolerate any of her behavior. Any time she says something I get irritated, I am losing respect and tolerance for her. Whenever I tell her that I want to move out of the house, she tells me that I am not "strong" enough to live own my own, because I can't cook for myself, i don't get up on time, blah blah while my brother has been going to overseas trips in the last 7 yrs while I have NOT left this city. When I told her that I am applying for jobs in Australia, she automatically said that she will come with me because I don't know how to look after myself. But somewhere in my head I feel that she wants to come with me because I am a female and she "doesnot" trust me own my own because that's what her culture taught her that girls don't leave home before marriage and if i leave earlier then it means I have faults. Every time i bring this issue of living on my own my concerns are discarded and my views are overwritten by her views. My only question that remains here is that "Being her daughter means a curse for life!"
I am sick of authority and always being controlled like a sheep. I have never had a say or freedom of speech. She never gets in arguments with my brother but whenever I have a say she will jump in and will argue with me to the point she literally starts yelling. She never repeats this kind of behavior with my brother! Although this hasn't happened in last 1.5 weeks but I'm sure this will happen again. I am avoiding the temptation of getting into any argument with her because I know that I will be the one suffering in the end and I am already dealing with a lot of job rejections.
