Easily Offended And Hate It!

[Philippa]

I have been 'skinless' for many years, too.I think more or less since I was born ;).
Not always, there have been phases where I took almost every sentence for a personal offense and others (in my adult life) where I was quite calm and ok- almost impossible to offend.

This I relate to very much. I find it so perplexing because I didn't always use to be this way, and I liked myself better when I wasn't so easily offended. I'm pissed off that the trauma has caused me to become this way and I want to know how to get back to being less easy to offend without becoming totally insensitive, as I value sensitivity.

Well, I have taken Diphenhydramine (as antihistamic drug) for about two years, two years in which I was really good in thinking positive, staying motivated and not letting me get blamed or offended too much. I never thought about that being induced by the DPH (it has an antidepressant and anxiolytic effect, too, but I didn't think it had that on me) , but in early January I got a bad side effect and had to stop taking it.
And slowly I fell back into my old problems- I recently broke up with my best friend because in the end she could barely say a single sentence that didn't offend me and made me go overboard. I absolutely didn't know why- I hadn't been like that for such a long time, it was like we were talking in different languages.

Preferably, I would like to achieve this without resorting to anti-depressants if possible. Glad it worked for you though...until it didn't that is!;)

On Monday I gave DPH a new try, the sideeffect has gone- and since about Wednesday, my 'emotional problem' has faded away like it never existed...
I really tried to see things objectively and to think about alternative explanations when being offended but it just didn't work- my emotional core just didn't care about the thoughts in my mind.

It's quite distressing to think about that- that a little missregulation in my brain causes what may be seen as a (negative) integral part of my personality...

Yes, I can see how that would be distressing.

 

[Philippa]

Yes, it can be used as a mood stabilizer (off label).

Hmmm...might be worth a look (even though I just said I'd rather not take anything...I can be so fickle.)

Is it over the counter or do I need a prescription?

 

[Heather]

Is it over the counter or do I need a prescription?

You need a Rx. I'm on 400mg. The Aprn. that prescribes it says that I'm on a "pretty hefty dose". I didn't think it was that hefty until I saw that most people are on between 50 - 75 mg:eek:. Oh well. Whatever. But I'll tell you this is the most normal and stable that I have felt in my ENTIRE life. That is such an amazingly nice place to be. I don't care if I have to be on it for the rest of my life. If that's what I have to do I'll do it. It works so well.

That's probably why I've consistently taken my meds. for the past 8 months. 'Cause for me that's pretty much unheard of. I told my therapist awhile back that I didn't want to take my meds. any more and you should've seen the look on his face. I've never seen him visibly shaken like that. It was pretty funny.

 

[Philippa]

I weened off mine about 6 months ago, after 2 years on them. That was a great time, and I'm glad i'm off them now, but I may look into this other thing?

What's an Rx? Sorry, I'm not up with the lingo.

 

[Heather]

What's an Rx? .

Sorry Philippa prescription.

 

[Deleted member 487]

It sounds like that's something you are rather proud of?

Maybe I am hypersensitive? Maybe you're Insensitive?:D

Am I proud of it? NOt really. But I don't cry over it either.

Yes I think that you are hypersensitive, by your own description, and if you don't like the feedback don't come back like you did. You talked of how you used to be thick skinned and what others said didn't affect you. Now it does. Why is it you are thin-skinned? I do not see hypervigilance as the cause, but hypersensitivity.

Perhaps my understanding of terms is incorrect, but when you are hypervigilant, you are "ultra-aware" of what is going on. Hypersensitivity is where you are, as you described, *too* sensitive to what is said.

 

[Philippa]

Sorry Philippa prescription.

ok, thanks.

 

[Cthulhu]

Preferably, I would like to achieve this without resorting to anti-depressants if possible. Glad it worked for you though...until it didn't that is!;)

Well, that's exactly how I think ;). Until a week ago I thought I did manage it by myself, but now... Well...
I never wanted to take Antidepressants, if a doctor just mentioned that something in my psyche -could- be not ok I retreated and never visited again, putting him into my inner drawer called quacksalver.

But now, as it has obviously worked... It is nothing to do forever, I know, but maybe it can chance something in my inner self so someday I don't need it any more? I don't know.

My problem is and has been since I was a small child that my emotions are somehow cut off over the neutral state. Which means that if I feel something it always is something negative. It's easy to imagine that a person like that is not able to make positive experience.
Good things are just 'OK' but bad things are always worse than they should be. And I wouldn't think that I had a depression which started when I was 2 or 3 years old... But who knows.

Well, I have to admit that it feels good when positive things really feel positive and not only like "OK".

 

[Philippa]

Thankyou for your input.

I don't think I mentioned any correlation between this issue and hyper-vigilance though, so I'm not sure why you kept mentioning it in your last post?

It's you're opinion and perhaps you are right, and I am hyper-sensitive, or have become this way since I was traumatized...so what? To me it isn't the best way to be since this world is a tough place, but I don't see it as a 'bad' thing, just an obstacle to overcome.

I don't think it's that uncommon, and trauma can affect different people differently. Some become ultra tough and hard to offend, and others, who are already quite sensitive (like me) and empathic go the other way, as is proven by some others who have also said they are like me in this way, so...I think it's highly possible that this has resulted from traumas accumulated.

The question is, how can I start to develop a thicker skin now, in the present? That's what interests me, not labels.

Am I proud of it? NOt really. But I don't cry over it either.

Yes I think that you are hypersensitive, by your own description, and if you don't like the feedback don't come back like you did. You talked of how you used to be thick skinned and what others said didn't affect you. Now it does. Why is it you are thin-skinned? I do not see hypervigilance as the cause, but hypersensitivity.

Perhaps my understanding of terms is incorrect, but when you are hypervigilant, you are "ultra-aware" of what is going on. Hypersensitivity is where you are, as you described, *too* sensitive to what is said.

 

[anni]

Hi Philippa,

It just took me 3 respells to do your name, which means I'm in my 'can't spell portion' of dysfunction. I keep meaniing to ask if anyone else gets this but keep forgetting. :)

I saw this late, I think. Sometimes I'll see a thread and think 'Oh look, something new' and see it's
been here um, forEVER. :)

I do this, although it's better now mostly. I'm only replying because I don't think mine got better through therapy methods but just time and things I might have started doing in my head, if that makes sense? It sounded like you were asking for 'what others do'? Hope it doesn't sound silly-some of my stuff does and I realize that. :) It actually started when I first joined here. I was in a back and forth in something ( don't remember what about ), kind of fun. Some others took something we were saying 'wrong' and said something critical which clicked off the whole 'shame' thing in my head- GOD I logged off and felt DREADFULLLLL. Seriously- cried, the whole PTSD ball of crud. (there's a point to this-know I get wordy but it gave me a sort of trick which got useful, that's all ) I went about the usual morning business-couldn't get away from that shame/ick/hurt/awful/worthless loop. Something got to me then, like some common sense thing one of the mods had written to someone somewhere-forget what. At that point the forum had become important to me, as a means of genuine healing, getting myself the boot in the backside for the day OUT of depression and into life ( still does ), and my avoidance mechanism was about to kick in again because of the shame evoked in this incident. For seriously the first time ever on a PTSD issue, I logged back in and spoke truthfully, with no bile, just about what those comments had felt like and why. In my head ( the silly part) I put this big red STOP sign up. It worked for me, because even though I think the other members were not happy I said what I did, at least I DID, without reactivity and also connected it in my head with that visual signal. Also logged back in, when at any other time in life would have avoided this forum forever and ever and ever amen. :)Whenever I get that awful, instantaneous hurt/reactivity thing now, I do at least try to DO that. It's not always successful, but mostly, truly. No, it doesn't fix the underlying issues but exposyre therapy works, along with repitition.

 

[anni]

Rats. I tried to post pics. Ahem. Sorry! I'll try again. Tech ninnie.

Hope this didn't clutter up your thread, Philippa. This seriously did help, and still do, very much. You sound like you're working very hard to understand this in yourself, and not feel so awful- thought I'd at least see if this was 'something'.

 

[Philippa]

:D They're fun signs anni. Where'd you find them?

Yeah, I think if I'm really honest and realistic with myself, it's fair to say that SOMETIMES I manage to not be offended by other peoples words...like when this dipshit on another forum decided that because I asked another poster if he was jewish (as I had noticed him become VERY emotionally reactive and agitated) by another members comments about nazis being a word to describe people in the government, and he came back saying that we don't know true nazis so stop talking crap (ouch)...that it meant that I was being racist and having a go at him!

I clearly wasn't, but no amount of trying to convince this person otherwise would cut it...he had made his mind up that I was a racist bitch, and apparently someone else thought the same thing as well and PMd him in private agreeing with him...but the funny thing was that the guy who made the thread got exactly why I asked him, and HE WAS JEWISH and the guy who cracked it at me wasn't. So, months later, he attacked me out of nowhere for something I said, which was in no way an attack on another poster...and brought up the racist thing again:rolleyes:.

I was a little bothered by it, especially since he attacked me out of nowhere, and even the mods agreed that it was completely uncalled for, and spoke to him...and it stung me, even though I knew he was completely off his tree and just an idiot! ( I still have him on my ignore list!), and I didn't so much get offended, as I was just totally miffed that this person had decided this and refused to listen to my side of things. His mind was made up and he will forever believe that I am a racist bitch...that's that! Nothing I can do about it.

I think about it sometimes, and I don't like that someone thought that of me, but I also don't really care, since I don't even know the guy...just some dude in the states who can't ever admit to being wrong...human in other words. I know what I meant, so that's all that matters.

It's more being misunderstood that gets me. I hate being misunderstood.