Sexual Assault Effects of trauma surfacing after two years

[Slightlysharp]

I was raped by my best friend two years ago. In the six months following, I had one flashback, but mostly just guilt. I acknowledged that it happened, but never truly processed through the event.

I the guilt never quite faded, but I was more or less able to push what happened to the side. I had a flashback maybe once after that after a friend posted a picture with the person. Otherwise, I was "okay."

A few months ago, the person that did it messaged one of my best friends (whom they had only met once or twice) and asked if he wanted to go out for coffee. He told me about it and I was upset about it for a while, but then I was sort of able to move on.

It comes up in therapy every so often when my therapist connects it to the way I percieve myself, but over the weekend, it hit me so hard. I found myself in an environment similar to the night it happened and I was frozen with fear.

Then, I had my first full flashback today while getting an EKG. I had another one in the shower about an hour or so later. Why is it hitting me so hard all of a sudden?

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Sometimes it only starts to hit when you feel safe, or feel like you can process it, or at least that was my experience with it. I didn’t start having rape flashbacks until over a year after it first happened, because what I’m thinking is I was still in crisis mode from in my case abuse for months.

I hope it gets better for you, if it helps for me it comes in waves. It’ll be a few days or a week with nightmares, sleep paralysis, and flashbacks. Then it’ll be nothing for a while. I’m still madly avoiding my flashback triggers, but when they do happen I’m able to ground myself much better than I used to.

 

[ImSad]

I think this could be normal. I was sexually assaulted 8 years ago and only recently started experiencing flashbacks. When it first happened, I didn’t even realize that it was sexual assault. I remember feeling very dirty and ashamed of myself, and about 6 months later I learned that what happened to me was actually considered date rape. I struggled for a year or so with feeling dirty and damaged, and had a lot of feelings of anger toward the person. But after that, I kind of just shut it out. I had a therapist tell me to try and “laugh it off”, so I guess my way of doing that was to pretend it never bothered me. It would periodically pop up in my mind over the years, and each time I would tell myself it wasn’t a big deal and I am just overreacting by being upset and I would push it out of my mind again until the next time.
When I began therapy again about 6 months ago it was extremely quick to pop back into my mind again. I brought it up to my T and we spent a couple of sessions talking through it, and ever since then I’ve been experiencing more flashbacks and body memories. As frustrating as it is to be dealing with this all now nearly a decade later, I guess it makes sense that I never felt safe enough before to acknowledge or process any of it.

 

[River]

I am going through the exact same thing, too. I am in a new relationship and the association with sex is what causes my trigger. And yes it is hard and so frustrating that it feels like being haunted again, but you are not alone in that regard. As everyone is saying, if you feel that you're safe or have a safety net around you, it lets the memories re-surface.

 

[grit]

It is not unheard of for the body to bury a shock for a long time, until the body feels ready to deal with the issue that caused the shock. Maybe you are ready to see a therapist now and digest, dissect and deal with this painful experience. now that it coming up, and if you find yourself repressing or sniffling it, again, it only gets bigger and impacts other things in your life. Rape is a serious crime against the body. IMHO, the worst after murder. I truly hope you find help.