Emails And Answers

[anonymous]

I am really bad at one thing, confronting people. I resort to Emails to confront people. I had a relationship with someone, and it started mostly through Emails. And the Emails became a sort of protective measure. A way to hide ourselves from each other. It got out of hand. I had came from an abusive religious marriage, to a very open relationship. And I was very needy. I am so honest in my emails, but when I have to talk the person, I shut down. This is not really good for relationships.

Yesterday I wrote an Email to one of my best friends. I had somethings to say to her and told her how jealous I had been of her. I completely broke down and was crying myself to pieces when I wrote it. And then, stupid me, I wrote that she didn't need to answer it if she didn't want to.

So she didn't it! :banghead: I am very cautious about being needy, and here I am again being needy. I wanted her to answer my Email. So I wrote back. I know she is a good friend and probably can understand I am going through *hit lately. It is not that really. I am just nervous about this confrontation. I get needy and then think people are annoyed with me. Like I can read their minds, and am absolutely sure they hate me.

I think this called an attachment disorder, right??? I thought I had grown out of that, but here I am in the same place again. I just think if I didn't need to confront her with something, I wouldn't have written her in the first place. And now I can't stop thinking of it. When people don't answer emails, I can easily become a nutcase.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi what is done is done. I do not know how your friend took your note. You said she did not have to write back. This is a case of letting it go. There is only another note to send to her telling her how you value your friendship with her. You can ask her how she is doing and you are open to talking about it.

She may not know how to respond. I wish you the best in sorting this one out. Hang in there. It is a big risk that you took. It has suspense and I hate suspense. But try to breathe and remain calm. Good luck.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I can relate to opening up in email. I think it feels easier because in reality you are sat alone and people become more introspective when they're by themselves.

Also, when you write your feelings, you get to stop between sentences and work out how you are feeling at a much deeper level, which you don't get to do verbally.

But when it is read, the friend isn't aware of tone of voice, or tears or body language, and so it can be read quite differently. Also these days people can read email on their phone, so they might get the mail at an inappropriate time.

I still write letters to people or talk to them in my head sometimes, but I don't hit the send button anymore.

It took a while for me to stop, because the urge to speak and be heard and nurtured was so strong. But resisting writing emails has stopped the pain I went through waiting and worrying about what others thought.

It sounds like your friendship is strong, I hope this works out well for you both.

 

[Tinyflame]

Idk, I always thought communication (even by e-mail) is better than none at all. But I guess for some it's back-sliding (they are able to communicate in person), maybe for others progress forward, out of the comfort zone. Since really avoidance is easier. What I find difficult is that I go by other's feedback, without it I don't know what to think. I certainly don't assume it's positive. Same goes for texting, unless it is clear. I'm sorry, I guess that's not very helpful. :(

 

[anonymous]

I have often felt that I was hiding behind emails because I couldn't handle confronting people. People have criticized me for this too. Some of my friends have told me. So I am kind of ashamed of myself too. I guess it is possible to see the positive side of this, that it is better then not communicating at all. I think the real problem that I even care about what people think. Don't know how to change myself.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well, I guess if it's about confronting someone in person would be better. In this case, you seem you are good friends, try not to beat yourself up about it, hopefully it will work out.