Embarrassing question- one that I’ll probably leave this site for awhile.

[Snowflake]

I tried to post this under anonymous but I can’t find it.

In the past two weeks I’ve had 3 nightmares with my father sexually abusing me. I woke up having an orgasm. This disgusts me/ embarrassed me so much that I’ll probably hide for the next few weeks on here. But is this normal?

 

[Sideways]

This is one of those moments where I really wish I could hug the OP! This is soooo normal. This is your body showing you that it works exactly the way it was designed to.

Not ashamed to put my hand up and say that this happens to me as well. On a fairly regular basis. Nightmare about being abused (yet again), wake up to the body reacting the way it naturally does when it’s been taught to respond sexually to that type of stimulation.

Be proud of the courage you just showed in being prepared to ask about something that others might not be prepared to talk about. Give yourself high five:)

 

[LuckiLee]

From what I understand, yes it is. I'm so so sorry this is happening to you! Search the forums and you'll see it's common and you're not alone. Please don't be embarrassed! Stick around someone will come along and verify that this is "normal" for what you have gone through. Are you in therapy?

 

[Friday]

Yep. Super normal.

It’s even normal during the sexual assault itself. Roughly 4:5 males, and 1:5 females will orgasm during rape. For men that’s partly due to the chemical cascade that happens once the initiating gland gets activated. There is literally nothing they can do to stop it. Colloquially it’s known as ‘milking the prostate’. But an orgasm during sexual assault, regardless of sex/gender? Doesn’t mean you liked it.

An orgasm during sexual abuse does not mean you liked it

An orgasm during a dream? Definitely doesn’t mean you liked it.

Either can be caused by any number of things, but you might be interested to know that one of the body’s self defense mechanisms agains pain is orgasm. If you’ve just had your leg ripped off in an automobile accident, you might not expect to cream your pants. But people do. Because they’re in severe pain, they lose all control over their body’s functioning. The wet themselves, shit themselves, puke, and cum... all in response to pain, and often all at the same time. People also become hard/wet, or orgasm, during lesser experiences of sudden pain. Like during physical therapy, or having shin splints massaged, or the sudden release of a locked muscle. It’s not because they’re sadists or masochists, and are turned on sexually by pain. It’s just a ridiculously normal human response to pain. Our brains flood our bodies with endorphins, and fight/flight chemicals, and orgasm just one of the systems that gets tripped during that process.

 

[Snowflake]

From what I understand, yes it is. I'm so so sorry this is happening to you! Search the forums and you'll see it's common and you're not alone. Please don't be embarrassed! Stick around someone will come along and verify that this is "normal" for what you have gone through. Are you in therapy?

Yes we have been doing lots of tough work on the abuse and the innerchild.

 

[Snowflake]

I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. Sorry

 

[Joan]

Unfortunately yes, it is normal...and you are not alone. It sucks, it is humiliating and so hard to talk about. Great job for speaking up. Take sweet care of yourself and do not leave.

 

[blackemerald1]

I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. Sorry

^^But please don't be!! :hug:

All of what @Friday said!!

 

[Missycat]

@Snowflake , please dont feel ashamed. I second what the others say and they put it so well. I truly understand how you feel and it is something i struggle with and work on with my t. Its taken me ages to pluck up courage to admit i feel the same and understand and actually add this post - thank you for giving me the courage to do so.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake , please dont feel ashamed. I second what the others say and they put it so well. I truly understand how you feel and it is something i struggle with and work on with my t. Its taken me ages to pluck up courage to admit i feel the same and understand and actually add this post - thank you for giving me the courage to do so.

I don’t think I will mention it to my therapist.

 

[grit]

Thank you for sharing this dream. It is so generous and really authentic of you to share this story. You are opening my heart.

Your dream is probably common but your feelings toward it, I wish you can explore that a bit more. Your feelings may relate to your past of what happened or bod memories in positive or negative way.
dreams that bring up shame are often some of the worst but also much faster route to healing. Because shame is one of the heaviest emotion and source of many trauma, it is possible you are really that close to shifting in some seismic manner, only if you can process these feelings without shutting them off.

If you could connect with the feeling you have after the dream and hold it and release it without attachment or judgement, I think you will feel a bit freer and closer to your healing goal.

Thank you again it is not an easy dream nor easy to share. You just donated a huge spiritual help to the masses.

 

[grit]

Snowflake,

I forgot to mention it to you yesterday that I truly hated my mother for what she has taken away from me - my innocence and my creativity and true love that i had a lot of rage and hatred toward the world in a very fundamental way.
The only way I truly experience love in my body alone was during dreams. I felt love and care in my dreams and I tried so hard to keep that feeling so I could find it outside. I think dreams give us a way to feel something that is so unbearable in real life and if we do not resist, the body cannot tell what is real and what is imagined so those feelings become easier to digest.

It is my feeling toward your post that you have deep shame of sort as a core wound and your body wants to process this in your most safe space in the universe - in your dreams. Please allow to feel in your dreams and so those feelings and memories are not ruling you in your outside feelings and experience.

I had such a hard sleep last night because of Kavanaugh's confirmation, I thought of you as I processed my rage against not believing victims who are already questioning their sanity and memories in my own dream. I honestly could not express that much rage consciously!