Emdr And Images

[samson]

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've posted here as sometimes it was too triggering to read the struggles of others. I'm back today looking for shared experiences. I have been in emdr therapy for PTSD for almost 3 years now. We've worked through several traumas, but have uncovered a childhood sexual abuse event that really has me rattled and miserable.

In my session this week the focus seemed to be about how dirty I felt. I see myself as unloveable. In the middle of processing that memory a recent memory of this wonderful older lady came to mind. She always has a kind positive word for me and hugs me and says she loves me and that I am wonderful. When I saw this during emdr I was overwhelmed with feelings of being dirty and unworthy of her love for me. Then an image of my younger self came up and I was covered with dirt. I freaked out.

My T told me that image of myself was not a memory, but symbolic of like caution tape in my mind. It's an image my mind created in order to protect me from extreme emotions from the trauma. It is meant to keep me away from feeling that. He said I didn't have to feel it right now. Said once we worked through the trauma I wouldn't need it anymore. I remember wanting to die as a 10 year old because of this trauma. I was completely alone with it.

Does this make sense to anyone? Anyone experienced anything like it?

 

[Marymickaela]

I just read your post. I too am doing EMDR. I started see my new therapist the end of April and we probably spent the next two months just getting my history and knowing each other. We've probably done about 3 sessions of EMDR so far. I really had a breakthrough last week and will probably have another session today. Last week was amazing, but draining. I didn't think I had the ability to cry anymore, but last week started bawling.

I'm wondering if you are still doing EMDR? I am interested since you've been at this such a long time. I have PTSD from childhood and probably some adult trauma, am 64yo so have a lot to work thru.

How are you doing?

Mary

 

[samson]

Hi there. I am still doing emdr. It is full of ups and downs. Recently we have changed the way we are doing the process as I was getting too lost in the memories and feeling suicidal. I don't mean for that to scare you. I can tell that some of my old scripts are being re-written. I'm reacting to things in a much more appropriate way - I know I am safe now. It's encouraging when you realize that you are changing for the better. I want to commend you for taking on the challenge. Some people say it's too late, but I think I have so much more life to live and I don't want to live it the way I used to feel. I wish you well on your journey. Remember it is a journey - not a sprint. Try to live in the moment.

 

[Biz]

@samson, yes. I've experienced something very similar. I did not get images from EMDR but it kicked up my dreams and I had a dream of being dirty as a child, in the dream I was freaking out. EMDR is definitely intense, I'm glad you're finding a process that works for you. I hope you're able to find some resolution for yourself with that image of the little you.