Emdr Is Taking My Power.

[Intrepid]

I knew this would happen. 3 weeks of EMDR has taken much of my power to protect myself from my flashbacks. I have all these defenses and this EMDR process just blows them like sugar grains on a picnic table.

I'm really scared.

My therapist knows what she is doing, but I don’t know if she understands the power in these flashbacks. She has shown that the process helps with minor loss and fear. She will have to really pull a rabbit out of her hat to help with this major stuff that’s coming next.

Has anyone found healing through EMDR with the major stuff?

 

[Lotis]

Personally no. For me EMDR did not help. Our minds protect us and for me my mind would not go there, every voice inside screamed NO when starting the EMDR session. I was never able to relax and never able to sit with a memory. The process of EMDR was too much for me and I kept dissociating. It is different for everyone and I think it also depends on the trauma(s) one has experienced. Slow motions and soft voices are a real trigger for me - this was just not the right treatment for me. My stuff is major and it runs deep.
Did you talk to your therapist about this? Letting her know how scared you are may deter her from moving and maybe she can slow down?
L

 

[Intrepid]

I can really relate to that voice that screams NO. That voice knew what was coming next. So, I got that voice calmed down. Now I am experiencing some of the images that it anticipated.

I told my therapist how scared I am last week and she cut the sessoin short to let me regroup before I left her office. It took 3 days to really calm down.

She has an arsenal of meditative, relaxing and distracting tools. I hope she has one tht will help me deal with the images that EMDR is bringing to the surface.

I should not feel or see these things. That's what is driving me crazy. It's the shame. I'm afraid of being attacked or condemed for what happend to me. I have always felt it was my fault.

 

[zaniara]

I recognize what you're describing. EMDR really did make A LOT surface. And was very hard. We used it despite me having suffered severe and complex trauma for many years. It was a bumpy ride, and really tough. But I'm so grateful my therapist insisted and that he dared to work with me. Because if we hadn't used EMDR I probably had been in trauma therapy for many years still. And three was enough time for me.

But we didn't use EMDR every time, and he had more "tools" to use. And sometimes we had to take breaks from trauma-work to stabilize me. And at one point he did pressure me too much too fast, and I crashed. But that ended up being steps forward in the "relationship-part" of the therapy process. After we rebuilt the trust it grew stronger and I learned to speak up more and trust me, not only him, more.

I can't describe what a relief it is not having hundreds of different triggers making my life a mine-field! Now I can handle stuff, be out, around people, have people behind my back, not struggle just to survive on a daily basis. And sleep!! 6-7 out of 10 nights at least! And without EMDR.. Well- it was hard (of course "going there" is!) but so worth it.

But you need to trust your therapist and the therapist needs to be trustworthy, and able to help you to not get too overwhelmed.

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

EMDR helped me tremendously with my trauma from abusive relationships. While it stirred up a lot of emotions and was very hard at times, I am very thankful for it. Without it, I don't think I would be where I am today. It helped me to finally deal with the crap that I went through starting in my childhood. It helped me to see patterns in the abusive relationships I was in. It helped me wake up and live my life the way I've always wanted. I put a lot of work into it as well through journaling, looking at myself, and asking myself many hard questions. I also saw another therapist who "tag teamed" with my trauma therapist. Together, it really helped me in ways I can't really explain. People have told me that I seem more "alive" now and much happier. I am and it's amazing. It was not an easy road. My ex retraumatized me several times while I was trying to heal. That prompted me to get a divorce. I've never been happier. I developed a good rapport with my therapist and trusted her. I believe my trust in her was essential.

I know EMDR may not be for everyone and that's okay. I've learned that some people need to go really slow with it and deal with what comes up at their own pace. That's okay too. I just want you to know that it can be very helpful and that it helped me a lot and I hope it helps you.

 

[zaniara]

Oh, also I suffered from bad, bad problems with dissociation. And yes, he needed to work hard on keeping enough present, but still allow me to work through the bad traumas. It was a difficult balance-act. A flashback is dissociating, and EMDR is almost as having a "controlled flashbacks" or how to put it. Awful of course. But my therapist was great and a cliff, and it was better than having a bad flashback on my own totally uncontrolled and ruining stuff even more. (sometimes I hurt and scared people when I had flashbacks, and it was surviving another trauma every time)

I don't have those problems with dissociation anymore.

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

@zaniara, I'm really glad to hear you don't have those problems with dissociation anymore. Dissociation is not fun at all. I learned through EMDR that I started to disassociate when I was around 4 years old and it became one of my default coping mechanisms in life. Thankfully I rarely do that anymore.

 

[flower66]

its like being stripped of all the nuhealthy ways coped, they don,t work anymore, my shopping, straving and pespi, doesn,t dull the INTENSE pain and crying
however, I am learning about normal adaptive behaviour, I didn,t know t was abormal for my dad to srangle me or what abuse was, and I must say finding out about what healthy relationships are, not that do yet, it like going from ice land to nadia, those feelings, pain,images all are there anyway
the more healthy ways will come as cognitive adapation, learning from emdr whats normal
I was shocked that what was normal family life, is after emdr high octane emotional abuse, threatsm life threatening stuff- but if its normal and never through adaptive processsing learn this, the old numbing works-
its ether stay numb, or feel the feelings and learn from emdr mostly that from my pont say, any man that sadistaccly rapes a women then weeks after week does brain washing, its not me thats bad dity weird, he,d have to be incredibly unbalanced to do that as a policeman, so healed from that,was it easy, hell no, was terrfied of processing it and 100 others rapes, was it wort it, yesbecause feel clen again and see how beautiful I am, lovely-always was
I been trying to recover from complex trauma since 21 now 46, been in and out of hospitial, suidical, choatic in extreme for all these blank, back to back trauma years-
emdr with this specilist radically changing this I,ll fully recover, can see abusive poeple a mile off now, can feel healthy poeple too
its huge relif as was clueless on boundaries and anyone could do anything to me, I was trained to put up and shut up, now I will never be abused again if anyone is like that, we are not talking, conversation is over, i,m off they are not getting near me

 

[NatBird]

its like being stripped of all the nuhealthy ways coped, they don,t work anymore, my shopping, stravin...

Thank you for sharing your experience with EMDR and your journey. I'm glad to hear about the changes and healing. It gives me hope. Thanks again.