Emdr: It All Starts Now

[Vega]

I've been seeing my therapist for 4 weeks now, twice a week these past 2 weeks. Aside from the event that has resulted in my PTSD, she knows all about my family, friends, and relationships. She also has spent a lot of time asking questions and listening to me discuss my childhood, my adolescence and how I believe I came to be the person I am today.

I've been feeling, up until this point, that all of this talking was wasting a little time. I wonder if it's necessary or just very thorough to gather so much background on a PTSD patient prior to being EMDR treatments. The past two weeks she has briefly, each session, guided me through building a grounded positive memory while using the EMDR device. She mentioned it was important to reinforce a safe place to go to and for me, we agreed on one specific memory that reminds me of a joyful, peaceful moment in my life. It's also nice to use the device a few times before diving into the tough stuff.

*Please share if any of this sounds familiar to you, I am curious how the techniques of different therapists differ when using the EMDR technique.

Tomorrow, we have agreed (she always gives me options and asks permission before going into anything) on beginning the EMDR treatment regarding "that day".

I am concerned. I'm guessing that's probably a natural emotion prior to EMDR. She's gone over how the device is theorized to work, how I might feel before, during, and afterwards. Overall, I think she's been very supportive on guiding me up this point.

I trust her to use this technique responsibly.

I worry about how I will handle it. I really feel uncomfortable when I lose control over my emotions in front of others. I don't want to have a panic attack in front of anyone, it's embarrassing. I'm hopeful that talking so much with someone will make it easier to go back to something that disturbs me. Maybe I will just cry and ache a little and that will be it? EMDR treatment sounds so horrible for some people, but I've assumed it's because their trauma is so much worse than mine. I know it sounds silly but I wish there were some scale or something to judge my level of trauma, I've struggled with accepting that I have a right to be effected (affected?) by what happened that day. I feel guilty seeking treatment sometimes. I feel I deserve to be burdened with the memories and the weight of responsibility I feel for what happened.

Is feeling this way going to make treatment for difficult?
Is it right to share my story and gauge my right to how I feel based on the reactions of others?

It may sound weird to judge whether or not I deserve sympathy based on how bad I've got it compared to others suffering with PTSD but it's my reality. It's where my mind goes when I think to myself "it's wrong to receive the sympathy of others, you haven't got it that bad and it was your fault so it's selfish to feel sorry for yourself."

Ugh.

I'm just nervous and worried.

Thanks for listening :)

 

[Heather]

I recently started EMDR too. I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I feel pretty much the same way myself. I see my regular therapist and then I see my trauma therapist that does the EMDR. Everytime I see my regular therapist I tell him I don't want to do EMDR he tells me too bad you have to do it.

I know in the long run if I want to heal myself this is something that I should do but I'm afraid of what it will dredge up.

The trauma therapist and I started with developing a calm, safe place and my h.w. is to practice going there once a day. She has warned me that it can get worse before it gets better and I really DON'T like the sound of that. But I realize that if I want to get better I have no choice.

I don't think I have any real advice to give you. I hope you can find comfort in knowing you're not alone.

Take care. Heather

 

[KP the nut]

(((Vega))), your T sounds wonderful. Mine started in a similar way. Always checks that I agree with what he is doing and explains what is happening.

I am v reserved but EMDR goes into the miniscule detail, slows everything down and picks over the disturbing aspects. My T uses vibrating paddles, I close my eyes and my T listens and watches for how my body is reacting and how I am breathing. I can stop at any time, he reiterates that fact again and again. I have been caught in a memory, couldn't come out of it, but he guided me, brought me to my safe place. After that although still EMDR he made me look at the memory from a different perspective untill I felt in control to go back to the other way. That was my decision.

My T also refuses to do a session if he thinks I have to much external stress/issues. Eg, I was due to go for a dental procedure after T which quite honestly scared me witless.

I have cried in T, but not often.

Remember, expect to be tired afterwards. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to rest.

I wish you well
KP

 

[Vega]

Heather, thank you for making yourself known. I go over threads and read but I'm bad about posting my encourage. I appreciate it when other do and I should do so more often.

KP, the external stress came into play today and I backed out. It's so interesting that you should mention it right when I'm making a decision to do so. I wondered if it was weak of me, before I've even started, to end the day early and cancel my appointment.

I had a weird confrontation with a neighbor, I got up late and missed my exercise class, one of our dogs puked up something black all over the carpet, and then I dropped my iPhone and the screen shattered. I was standing in the parking lot of Lowes at the time, loading up the carpet cleaner I had just rented. I came home and got a call from my husband, he's in Afghanistan, and I burst into tears.

I had officially begun to feel sorry for myself and I knew I couldn't go to my first EMDR session while I was riding the pity party bus. So, I called and said I'd be back next week for our usual time. It was just hours before my appointment and the receptionist said "It's okay sweetie, we'll just see you next week."

So sweet.

Now that you mention it I realize that it was the right decision, it seems smarter to go in refreshed and ready.

I have heard several people now mention that they had a memory they got stuck in temporarily. What does that mean? I'm imagining a panic attack that doesn't end for hours or days... it sounds horrible. What happens? Can you prevent it? Is it rare or common? What happens afterward, do you go back later and start over or skip or what?

 

[KP the nut]

I had officially begun to feel sorry for myself and I knew I couldn't go to my first EMDR session while I was riding the pity party bus. So, I called and said I'd be back next week for our usual time. It was just hours before my appointment and the receptionist said "It's okay sweetie, we'll just see you next week."

OK, tough love. I respect you had a crappy morning, upsetting and I can't imagine how it must feel for you with your H in Afganistan. But, I have never cancelled an appointment, my T and I make the decision together if I am stressed not to do the EMDR that week and just to talk through issues affecting me. IMHO I think you were avoiding the session, as a good avoider myself. In order to make progress we need to make that extra effort. Sorry for being mean and you can tell me to sod off and mind my own business :rolleyes:.

Ok, next week is the new start. :D.

I have heard several people now mention that they had a memory they got stuck in temporarily. What does that mean? I'm imagining a panic attack that doesn't end for hours or days... it sounds horrible. What happens? Can you prevent it? Is it rare or common? What happens afterward, do you go back later and start over or skip or what?

This is why it is important to build your safe place and to ensure your T has given you the grounding techniques to help bring you back to the present. I have been in an EMDR session where I found it difficult to come out of a memory but my T whom I have full trust, talked calmly to me, reiterating that I was safe, he was there could I see him, over and over until I was back in the room. We then did the 4 elements grounding techniques.

I practise grounding and going to my safe place numerous times each day. I carry a touchstone in my bag, which I hold if faced with a stressful situation and I carry lemon essential oil and have a sniff of that - nothing like zingy lemon to bring you back.

It is normal to be apprehensive, but trust in your T to guide you.
Sorry if I upset you, it was not my intention.
Love and hugs
KP

 

[Vega]

:unsure: hmph.

Avoidance probably played into the decision, but I'd rather just tell you to sod off, it sounds easier.

Joking aside, I appreciate honesty even when it's tough. As long as it comes from a nice place. Some other items played into my mood today but it's too complicated to type out and it's nothing serious just family drama that came into play early this morning. I was mad about that, then everything happened and my husband was supposed to be home already but his replaced is delayed. Yada yada yada.... I could go on and on but the point is you are right. I should have kept the appointment and used it to talk it out. I got pushed a little and gave up, the dread of my appointment had already been building and I was probably looking for an excuse to back out.

Next Monday, the real deal.

Regarding the EMDR flashbacks, it sounds like you are almost hypnotized, is that accurate? I mean, I don't know anything about hypnotism but my therapist mentioned once that she has had clients who feared that EMDR would hypnotize them and I thought it was a weird comparison. The grounding technique, I guess I won't really get it until I'm doing it. I mean, I've got my memory and I think it through a few times a day, especially before I go to sleep. BTW thank you for mentioning your smelling technique, I think I will be applying my own version of that, it's a great idea!

 

[KP the nut]

:unsure: hmph.Avoidance probably played into the decision, but I'd rather just tell you to sod off, it sounds easier.
Next Monday, the real deal.

Thank you for taking it in the spirit it was offered ((HUGS)). I'll be with you next week, linking arms and giving you strength.

Regarding the EMDR flashbacks, it sounds like you are almost hypnotized, is that accurate? I mean, I don't know anything about hypnotism but my therapist mentioned once that she has had clients who feared that EMDR would hypnotize them and I thought it was a weird comparison. The grounding technique, I guess I won't really get it until I'm doing it. I mean, I've got my memory and I think it through a few times a day, especially before I go to sleep. BTW thank you for mentioning your smelling technique, I think I will be applying my own version of that, it's a great idea!

It is not like hypnotism. Because you are reliving the trauma, trying to analyse how you feel. I got caught almost like a flashback. I was there, for me, trapped and crushed in my car, I couldn't move and all I could see was broken glass. T was able to guide me back to his office.

Has your T offered any other techniques apart from the safe place? I frequently breathe, in for 4, hold for 2 and out for 4, I repeat about 12 times. I also ground myself to my surroundings, like now sat in a chair, I feel how my feet are on the floor, where my body touches the seat.

I still get nervy before sessions, it is easier. At first it would be days ahead, what would happen, what would I say/do and it would affect my sleep, just thinking about it. It has made a huge difference to me, it is worth it.

Hang in and be kind to yourself
KP

 

[Vega]

I appreciate how you describe your experiences, it's practical and just thorough enough, it's easy to pay attention to what you are saying without getting caught up in my sympathy for your circumstances.... if that makes any sense. I hear what your saying clearly, it's not clouded by my emotional response.

My T has gone over 4 point breathing. So far I've only used it when I realize my thoughts are drifting to that day or when I feel overwhelming anger or sadness. It's worked well. She also gave me a cd called "Sleep better now" that talks you to sleep with breathing and visualization techniques. It has also worked well.

Thank you for your words and sharing your experiences. I feel as prepared as I can be.

 

[Angus McGee]

My wife has chosen EMDR as her form of therapy to deal with her PTSD. Is there anything I can expect / do to help her? It seems at this point she is prepared to do this on her own, but I am going to make myself available to her for whatever she needs whenever she needs it.

When I tell her this, she said "Appreciated, but not necessary."

My offer still stands. If she decides she needs me, I'm there. Perhaps she is, in her own way protecting me from her past. IOW, she doesn't want me knowing everything that's happened to her. I know some stuff, but not all.

My heart breaks for her. I so hope this treatment helps.

 

[anthony]

She is going to get worse before she gets better, so the best thing you can do, is prepare yourself for her reaction to trauma therapy, as well as to not react to her reaction, nor let her giveup on it due to the reaction it will provoke. After 1 - 3 months of constant treatment, she will stabilize and improve dramatically. Your job will really only be to support her, but also make sure she attends appointments, even though she may want to giveup.

Depending on her severity, she may become suicidal, likely more depressed, etc... but you need to keep her focused and motivated with her treatment, as well as possibly lookout for any telltail signs she may hurt herself. Again, depends on her severity of trauma.

 

[Angus McGee]

Good to know. Thanks!!

 

[KP the nut]

My wife has chosen EMDR as her form of therapy to deal with her PTSD. Is there anything I can expect / do to help her?

Hi Angus, your wife is so lucky to have you. I also have a v supportive H. In addition to what Anthony said,, I'll add my bit. I started EMDR in Nov 10.

I know my H is there for me. IMHO and it works for me, is don't push for how the session went and what was said. If she wants to tell you, she will in her time. After sessions especially in the beginning, I was exhausted, H would send me to bed for an hour. Let her know it is OK to do nothing after sessions, to pamper herself, to mull over the session.

Sometimes all I wanted was to be held, to know I had support and was loved.

Basically just let her take it in her time, take it at her pace. But remember to look after yourself as well.

Good luck
KP