EMDR "Safe Place"

[pacificblue]

I've only had one therapy session so far, I was told to Google and read about EMDR, given some breathing exercises to do and also to think about a "safe place" we could use if needed.

I am having a big problem with this. I love being in nature, usually with my camera. But one of the things I hate about myself is I go to some beautiful spot and then start becoming paranoid that someone will approach and try to attack me (as happened when I was 17). I really try to force myself to continue doing this thing which I love so much, and would hate myself if I allowed the actions of another person to steal this from me. (I'm looking into how I can get some capsicum spray legally to allay my fears when out in real life).

When thinking about a safe place there are so many places I can think of - places on the farm I grew up on, places in Southern African wildlife reserves, places I love now on islands near our new home in Australia - but as I start to settle on one even in my imagination the fear creeps in and it's as if there are potential attackers on the sideline of my image, and I keep looking over my shoulder, even just in the imaginary situation. It's driving me crazy.

Can you have someone with you in your "safe place"? The therapist gave me some examples people have used, including one woman who would imagine she was lying in the safety of her husband's presence after sex. I like that, but don't want to end up tainting that place in real life.

I'm not really sure what answers I'm looking for here, but has anyone had a similar situation? Or any advice on the "safe place"?

Thanks

 

[Grainne]

Your safe place can be anywhere or anything you want it to be. How about your bed? Sometimes when I'm really wound up, I sit back, close my eyes and think of being in my nice warm bed with my favourite flannel pj's and my pillows all around me. I think of saturday mornings when I wake up and think "OH NO! I'm late for for work!!!!" only to realize seconds later that it's the weekend and I don't have to get up! *really, this is one my favourite things ever!

Another thing I've used as a safe place: I absolutely love the sound of snow under my tires on a cold, clear, quiet winter night. I love to get into the car late at night, roll down the windows, crank up the heat and go for a nice drive - listening to nothing but the snow. If EMDR gets way out of hand for me, I can put myself in my car, all alone and safe, listening to the crunch of the snow and nothing else....almost puts me into a trance.

Comfort and safety can come from anywhere. Isolation, softness, quiet...they aren't really "places" but they are spaces in my mind that I find peace.

 

[pacificblue]

Thanks Grainne,

Those are both good places. I was thinking about the car (when it all gets too much for me I'll go for a drive - once my husband is home and our preschoolers are asleep, and just drive with the radio on and think), but there's always the risk of being crashed into... I sound like such an idiot, I know. Until trying to settle on a safe place I had no idea that the "impending sense of doom" one reads about in PTSD info had much of an effect on my life - now I realise that while I live a normal life, and am in fact quite adventurous, my mind is in a state of fear (in fact I think this might be why I push myself to adventures so much - as well as photographing landcapes I love kayaking on Moreton Bay alone. Now the kids are a bit older I have also started taking the family sailing around various islands there which is far more relaxing for my brain as my husband is with us). If I'm not busy exploring something or doing something I have flashbacks, but when doing the things I love I feel fear. It makes me so tired.

Anyway, getting seriously off topic here. I'll spend some time practicing the car idea and see if it works. Thanks :)

 

[Jestadud]

In my safe/restful place I had people nearby but they were not aware of where I was sitting, I'm a townie and I think it's unsettling for me to be totally remote from people.
I was sat in the shade at the edge of a beach with a large rock behind me and flowering bushes to my left. Straight ahead was clear beach then sea. To the right I could see the sea, a clear beach with tree's and shrubs to the edge of the beach. But just beyond the rock and bushes behind me was a quiet beach bar so every now and then I could hear the reassuring murmur of people coming and going without realising I was there.
Sometimes it was so real that you knew someone was going to come down that beach or walk round that rock so before they could appear and taint it I would leave and go to my other perfect place.
My second place was a small boat on a small river or canal with clear fields on both sides, a footpath and a few trees along the banks with a bridge a short distance ahead. No people but the footpaths and bridge would keep the urbanite part of me happy.

I understand your struggle as I also didn't get it at first.
How about you go out and visit nature but you do so in an armour plated glass jeep not joking let your imagination make it real for you.

 

[2quilt]

Your safe place is all yours; you can have your safe place be on the 50 yard line at the superbowl football game if you want, with a million screaming people and the quarterback is running your way at high speed. Or your safe place can be a sunny desert island with your favorite movie star laying next to you wearing nothing but a smile. Come on, use your imagination. Where do you go when you have had it up to here with the world?

 

[Sasha]

Hi Pacific, It's amazing that you started this thread because I am having some difficulties with the 'safe place' as well. Big sigh. You're not alone with this.

Sasha

 

[wattle]

Prehaps you could put a border/fence/shield between you and the imagined people in your safe place, I have trouble trusting people, so in my imagined safe place I use a ring of thick trees around the border and then just in case, around that I have high cliffs circling around me, all protective.

 

[greenbrier]

This is a great topic, my safe place is in a chair that is placed in the corner of a room. This is a comfy arm chair so it warps around me. There is a door nearby, but not too close. Works well for me. No one could possibly sneak up on me and I have an escape route. The arms of the chair are comforting and I have a really nice soft blanket wrapped around me. During EMDR I was actually able to sort of re-create that space so it made it easier to bring up the feeling of safety in my mind when I needed to. I understand, I really struggled with a safe place for about 3 weeks before I found one that fit. I always felt there were no safe places, but my therapist asked me what I do when I have flashbacks or feel out of control and I told her and we sort of discovered it together. It is really kind of nice that now I do have a safe place to go to. I never had that before.

 

[Elphaba]

Thanks for sharing your "safe place". I have large difficulties identifying one. My PTSD was brought on by bombings, and in the back of mind I am thinking that there is nowhere in the world that would be safe from someone who really set their mind to blow it up. It makes it hard to find a place to escape to.

 

[disconnect]

I find it increasingly difficult as well. I think it's because I don't seem to feel safe anywhere and I'm extremely hyper-aware constantly. The 'safe place' I've been using lately is a dark room with candles all around. White fluffy pillows and feathers to keep me warm and comfy. I'm lying on the soft pillows with my head in this lady's lap (I don't know who she is, but I know who she signifies) and she's sushing me and stroking my hair, until I calm down.

It's taken me well over a year to find this place, so don't dispair if you can't find yours for a little while. Once you settle into the sessions properly, it will come to you.
D/x