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Struggling to develop a safe place for EMDR

12birds

Confident
Hi all,

I began EMDR about a month ago. We have not made it to the trauma processing part yet, we are still "setting up". I am trying to practice visiting my safe place as advised, but honestly it's not coming through clear. I just get a lot of nothing. Perhaps this is because I did not pick the right place or maybe because I feel extremely silly trying to go there in my mind. When we did the initial visualization right in the office it felt fine (if a bit distant), so I don't know what the difference is.

Any advice on making it stronger/feel more real/etc? I will mention it during my next session, but I was curious if anyone had thoughts.
 
i started my search for therapy safe places with book and movie scenes. i think my first successful visualization was inspired by the opening scene of "sound of music" where julie andrews sings the song by that name in a very restful alpine meadow. now let me give away my age and say the movie was only a few years old at that time. i often sang the song while i visualized, especially the line, "i go to the hills when my heart is lonely." i'm rather brazen about customizing lyrics to suit my current circumstance. ditto for the scenes i have borrowed from literature and cinema.

i have since grown quite skilled with using that particular therapy tool, to the point where they are just plain good places to visit when i have some minutes to spare for daydreaming. as a therapy tool, it works when i work it.
 
Is yours an actual place you’ve visited? If so can you find pictures to help?

For me I’ve yet to find an actual place I found safe so I made my own. I used to watch a cool show about incredible adult treehouses so I built my own. I live in the mountain area so I built mine in those kinds of trees because there easy to visualize.

I love the smell of the the first snow, something cool and crisp, so I built that and when I’m struggling to bring that up then I bake cookies in my treehouse and I can always make my nose smell that. Same is true of what I see, pine and quaking aspen, they change colors to fall if I need to build in my mind better.

My space has puppies so feeling the soft texture of their fur, they all have something slightly different. So I can feel that.

I can hear the trees rustle and birds chirping, feel the sun on my face and the slight chill in the air.

I was told to build all 5 senses so whatever I might be craving becomes my taste. Have more than one of each of those and build it off of things you’re super familiar with then go back to visualizing it. To be honest, I thought it was dumb and that kept me from building it for real for awhile, so did feeling I’d never use it. But it gets real in EMDR you’re going to want that space.
 
I was never able to create a safe space so we went with talismans instead. I have an elephant that I bring with me to sessions and when things get too tough I can look at it, touch it, sniff it, whatever I need to get me grounded back into the today world. It's not the recommended route because it is still up to me to pull myself back, but it worked sooooo....
 
It can definitely feel silly to do and say the things we need in therapy and recovery. It's so important, and your therapist is not thinking you're being silly or otherwise. We all know the reality of dealing with the bad stuff, and I was lucky to have a place I'd been before that I can picture that I am there again. My therapist knows what the place is and he asks me to feel the ground under my feet, to hear the wind in the trees, etc. This also helps me, especially when I'm struggling to just hang on.
 
Hi all,

I began EMDR about a month ago. We have not made it to the trauma processing part yet, we are still "setting up". I am trying to practice visiting my safe place as advised, but honestly it's not coming through clear. I just get a lot of nothing. Perhaps this is because I did not pick the right place or maybe because I feel extremely silly trying to go there in my mind. When we did the initial visualization right in the office it felt fine (if a bit distant), so I don't know what the difference is.

Any advice on making it stronger/feel more real/etc? I will mention it during my next session, but I was curious if anyone had thoughts.
Cha. It’s a bit of fantastical nonsense if one doesn’t actually BELIEVE in the “safe” BS.

So I changed the requirement from safe to strong/adaptive/determined. All of a sudden? A whole helluva lotta possibilities made themselves known.
 
Hi. I'm also starting EMDR and had first setup this week. I'm still not sure about my safe space. It's very sf-ish. But when deployed during the session it's getting blurry. I'm afraid I can't give you any recommendation as this is very personal and subjective. It might be easier for me as I remember creating safe spaces in my head as far as I can reach in memories. I keep fingers crossed for you to find that place or other solution. Take care @12birds
 
I was unable to do this for many many many years. I've only just been successful for the first time. The term "safe space" messed it up for me from the start. I also did not feel OK with anything I tried. This time I changed what I called it and didn't limit myself to anything real or tangible. I let myself concoct wild combinations of nature and smoosh things together that I like. I did about ten. Each of them had colours, smells, sensation (cold water for example), etc etc. I then tried them all on for size and pared them down. I now have two and see which fits best at the time. It's still a work in progress.

Try adding things in that help your senses. Or don't be limited by earth or sky or anything. It's only about finding somewhere you feel more centered and relaxed. Maybe you need to find another option if this one isn't working for you.
 
I was never able to create a safe space so we went with talismans instead. I have an elephant that I bring with me to sessions and when things get too tough I can look at it, touch it, sniff it, whatever I need to get me grounded back into the today world. It's not the recommended route because it is still up to me to pull myself back, but it worked sooooo....
See, this is the kind of thing that makes SO much sense to me. I did make up a little bag of nice smelling herbs that I wear around my neck and under my shirt collar. That was very helpful in my last session.

I know therapy can be very Serious Business, but I love hearing stories where something "not recommended" actually is the best thing. Brains are weird.

Hi. I'm also starting EMDR and had first setup this week. I'm still not sure about my safe space. It's very sf-ish. But when deployed during the session it's getting blurry. I'm afraid I can't give you any recommendation as this is very personal and subjective. It might be easier for me as I remember creating safe spaces in my head as far as I can reach in memories. I keep fingers crossed for you to find that place or other solution. Take care @12birds
Best wishes to you right back. It's comforting to know someone else in the world is just starting this whole thing too.

Cha. It’s a bit of fantastical nonsense if one doesn’t actually BELIEVE in the “safe” BS.

So I changed the requirement from safe to strong/adaptive/determined. All of a sudden? A whole helluva lotta possibilities made themselves known.
Thank you for saying it's BS because that is how I feel sometimes. When my (lovely and incredibly helpful) T uses that super flowery comforting language (you know the kind) I want to bang my head against the wall 😅

Thank you all for the suggestions and encouragement. I've taken a little bit from everybody and landed at imagining my actual, physical home office. Why? I have no idea. It just feels nice and I apparently have a very tactile memory, so my shag rug has become a weird fuzzy grounding point. I think it helps that I am in the actual space daily and it's just a nice place to be.
 
Thank you all for the suggestions and encouragement. I've taken a little bit from everybody and landed at imagining my actual, physical home office. Why? I have no idea. It just feels nice and I apparently have a very tactile memory, so my shag rug has become a weird fuzzy grounding point. I think it helps that I am in the actual space daily and it's just a nice place to be.
Sounds perfect to me......if you can feel the carpet, touch the desk, and feel relaxed,.....it works.
 
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