Emdr Question. Safe Place No Longer Safe?

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

when I initially started to build it, because it was called safe

I could never have a Safe Place. I do not believe in safety. It's the only thing I am certain of. That nothing, even my mind is not safe. I was in-patient when the concept of a safe place was brought up and I resisted and went into further panic when it was mentioned. So eventually I came up with comfort places. I, too, have changes to mine and have protections against an abuser entering. Not that it hasn't happened. Perhaps, @Holdingontohope , a shifting or more solidly protected place will help you return to the place in your mind again.

 

[Holdingontohope]

Have you thought about limiting/breaking of contact with your father and grandfather or setting boundaries (like you need more notice upon them visiting)?

Yes, I have thought about it. It is something that is difficult for me. I had to pretend for so long as a kid that everything was just fine, that it almost seems natural to do that around my family, if that makes any sense? It is something I have talked about in therapy and I feel like being able to someday set those boundaries is an important part of my healing process. Its also difficult for me because, as crazy as it may sound (and as ashamed as I am to admit it) I still love my father and grandfather. I have been able to set boundaries with them as far as my children go though. They will never be trusted around my children!

My safe place was always dynamic, not static. It really surprised me, because when I initially started to build it, because it was called safe... well, I thought it would stay safe. Not Quite.

Perhaps, @Holdingontohope , a shifting or more solidly protected place will help you return to the place in your mind again.

I think that the idea of my safe place being something dynamic/changing is helpful. I also like the idea of referring to it as a "comfort" place instead of a "safe" place. Maybe adding in some of those safety measures will help me feel more comfortable going back there again.

I wonder if it may have been more helpful to your T to tell him in the moment (if it was possible) because he may have been able to figure out what the breach was all about, if it happened due to the session.

Looking back, I can see how it would have been helpful to discuss this with her at the time. I think I had launched off into flight/fight/freeze mode by that pointed though and just wanted to escape the situation.

It is really creepy, isn't it, that he would appear right before his physical presence? Almost makes you wonder if there is such a thing as attachment in a metaphysical sense.

This has definetly been going through my mind!

 

[shimmerz]

a shifting or more solidly protected place will help you return to the place in your mind again.

I actually had to rebuild mine several times along the way. What I started with constantly morphed and I was a bit freaked out one night before going to sleep (I used it mainly to stop night terrors), when I could no longer access my safe place. I can't recall why.... and I searched and searched for it and recognized that I needed an entirely different style of place.

In speaking with my shaman about it, it was mentioned that my internal landscape most likely had done a major shift and I needed to reflect that in my visualizations. I think it was around that time as well that I no longer had to carry my spirit animal with me when I went outside amongst the 'peeps' in this big old world.

 

[sun seeker]

I used to have that happen quite often, that one of my abusers would show up in my safe place. It never happened in conjunction with them really showing up at the same time though. I can understand how you would be freaked out about that.

It took trying a bunch of different things before it stopped happening entirely. Once I remember finding something to distract the abuser with so they would leave me alone. Other times I'd build internal walls, or call on angels for protection if it felt like there was an actual psychic battle going on. It was a process, but I can say it hasn't happened lately so I encourage you to keep working at it.