I've had four sessions now...took a few weeks off between the 3rd and 4th session and we just did talk therapy. Taking that time was incredible, it gave me a chance to catch my breath, and I was actually FUNCTIONAL for those two weeks! My housemates even noticed. Before I started EMDR, I had episodes almost every day. Then I started, and it got even more intense (of course). After about 3 sessions I realized I needed to take a breather, and during those few weeks, I lived a normal life! Yes, still inhibited...the boyfriend and I can barely make out, and he can't even kiss me on the cheek most of the time because it startles me so much...but no episodes, no lengths of time being gone and scared and flashed back.
Started EMDR again on Wednesday, and suddenly I'm back to my triggered self, but that window of a few weeks without episodes showed me that things have already changed in three sessions. I still have a lot to work through, but if I were to quit now for some reason, this would have been enough to get me by for a while.
The coolest thing...and I'm hesitant to even share this because it is so precious to me and many people would not see it this way...but in my EMDR, my soul often prays...I'll be "trapped" in a frantic place, and I start praying, "God, can you get me out of here? Can you help me?" ...and He answers me. His answers come up clearly, just like the rest of the things that surface in EMDR. This has been extremely comforting, as he re-assures me that He loves me, is protecting me, and is in control.
My T told me, God is always talking, but we aren't great at listening...in EMDR, you make yourself extremely vulnerable, so it is much easier for us to hear what He has to say. I am grateful and challenged by this.