Emi : Eye Movement Integration

[Sterre]

Wow Froggie, this is so great!

 

[Froggie]

Feb. 1st : 10 hours sleep. 1 nightmare, barely bothered me but was full of significance to the horror story. Just woke up and told myself ... ok this is evacuation... fell back asleep !!!! withouth hesitation !!!! WOW ... is this me

Started my day without being drained or anything. Wrote down my nightmare and was really astounded to note the significances with the reality, but just the fact that my energy wasn't sapped out ... really something great.

 

[Froggie]

Feb 2cd ... only 8 hours sleep and that's because my alarm clock went off for an early morning appt. I would have slept more ... somebody pince me ... this feels so weird. During the day, still have flashbacks and sometimes a bit of dissociation, but so much less handicapping compared to before. I'm starting to feel my energy coming back and have more resistance to my everyday things to do. I'll be surveying my biorythme starting Feb. 9th to the 24th, I'll really see if my intelligence will hold on (there are 3 elements in biorythme : physical, emotional et intellectual). My intellectual sphere is my primary element which has a great deal of hold on my happiness and it will be below zero during those days. Something inside of me says that one cannot "heal" from PTSD, but may have some solutions to be able to deal "otherwise" and find peace and serenity even with nightmares and flashbacks.

 

[Froggie]

Feb 3rd ... 10 1/4 hours sleep. Had 2 nightmares with the same theme - someone was out to kill me, but the only thing that really stayed with me is that it didn't work and that I managed to escape with the help of others. HMMMM .... between the forum, my T, the EMI, the psychiatrist, my GP and the friends on this forum .... sounds good.

Every morning I pick a card from from the Osho Zen Tarot. It really helps to see things in an other way or give what I'm going through another sens. I'd like to share what came out for me today :
When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision was strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues. If you are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view your "aloneness" and take responsibility for the choice you have made.

((((HUGS to everyone))))

 

[KP the nut]

(((Froggie)))

Your sleep patterns are now amazing. I love the quote from your Tarot, I will write it in the back of my 'happy book'

Linking arms
KP

 

[Froggie]

Feb. 4 th ... 8 hours of sleep ... one nightmare which left me feeling mad and in a bad mood this morning. I'm going over to my daughter's place to give her a hand with housework, I'll put my anger out on the dust and stuff, will do me some good.

 

[intothelight]

PTSD rage cleaning! Dust bunnies beware!

Thank you for the smile Froggie. I needed it this morning.

Deb

 

[Deleted member 5760]

PTSD rage cleaning! Dust bunnies beware!

When my parents got divorced my Mum took a serious hit to her self esteem, etc. Anyway, she went to a psychologist (I didn't understand what was going on really) - but there was one thing I did understand.

She came home, she walked into the perfect kitchen, she took some plates out of the cupboard and smashed them onto the tiled floor. Then she got down on her hands and knees and swept them up. Ironic thing was, it didn't scare me the way my father's rage would. I just knew she needed to break a plate and then sweep it up. Not for a moment was I scared. It's one of those moments I remember with great accuracy. The most influential thing I remember is thinking she needed it - and admiring the fact she broke some silly little replaceable plates, and not a person.

Rage cleaning - anyone got a vacuum?

 

[Froggie]

now waiting for the wash to finish and eating chocolate cookies while on the forum. Thanks you guys ... Deb ... have you thought for a second ... dust bunnies on a Froggie ... ewwwhhhh ... no wonder I'm still single

 

[Froggie]

Febuary 5th - 7.5 hours sleep. That's the first time since January 27th that I went under the 8 hours bar. Still more than what I've been having in the last few years. The house cleaning did me some good yesterday and had better energy today. Did a lot of stuff (sewing, wash, cleaning up here, visiting neighbors) and now I'm cooking a homemade pizza for supper, starting to get hungry .....

 

[Froggie]

Feb. 6th - 7 hours of on-off sleep, few nightmares that got me ranting. I watched one episode of NCIS that was on marital violence, wasn't expecting that one, I think I really got triggered off. My social worker will probably tell me "I told you so" tomorrow. OK Froggie, you're a big girl, assume ...

Wish it was more of a frowning stick out tongue emoticone.

 

[Froggie]

Feb. 7th - 9 hours of sleep, one weird dream/nightmare, anyway it was significant as it showed how I was affected as a woman by what I witnessed.

I realized last night that I haven't had one of my PTSD headaches since that 1st session of EMO. Now that's REALLY weird, because I would have bouts with that every week. Now that it wasn't there, I realize that fact now. During the day, I still have a certain up-down yo-yo emotions, some flashbacks, some dissociation, still need to isolate myself. Still feel bewildered because of the intensity of the PTSD reality (like taking anti-psychotic meds for my flashbacks and nightmares - never for the life of me I thought I would get to that point in my life), but like I already mentionned, at least I feel that I'm not so hostaged of my nights. I'm reluctant to say that IMO heals, but man does it ever relieve the symptoms

... like it gives a boost to the brain ... and therefore permits the meds to do a better job. I would be scared to stop using the meds right now as I still feel vulnerable. Being honest with myself, I've found that I've recovered between 20% and 25% of my capacities. And yeah ... I push my luck, maybe that's why I went down to 7 hours sleep ... But the psychiatrist's words keep seeping back, at best, I may get up to a 50% improvement. I'm not a fatalist, but I'll see for myself when I get there. This forum lets us discuss amongst ourselves and we are able to evaluate what seems to work and why and on whom.

Thanks Anthony and Nicolette, and all the moderators for what you are doing for us ... filled with gratefulness ((((HUGS & KISSES)))) ... oh gawd, now I'm mushy