Emotional And Intimacy Deficient

[nomedic1]

I just cant put myself out there emotionally. I seem to no longer have any emotional connection or intimacy, I am a empty shell that just gets tbrough each day.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Sometimes I feel like this. I feel like if you have too much bad going on in your head it prevents you from feeling the good stuff too.

Anyone way you can release the bad so you can get back in touch with the good feelings?

 

[Flyaway]

Sounds like you need a safe way to fill the emptiness. Maybe start with something really small? Do you like to read? Draw? Cook? I'm feeling similar and am trying to work through it- I'm rooting for you.

 

[Hope4future]

It's a hard place to be. You aren't alone. Glad to see you reaching out here. That's a start.

 

[Britt.f7]

I've felt that way before and I end up feeling bad because I am married and have a very good spouse who deserves more than that from me. I don't usually talk to him about it, or anyone for that matter. I wait for it to pass or I try to reach out more. Try to be close, with is difficult. I hate times like that. Sometimes I even wonder if I am capable of love or loving him the way he should be.

 

[Alice29]

That is how I feel. My husband loves me so much. Any woman would kill to be this loved. Yet, I don't feel anything but emptiness, alone, or have any use in this life span.

 

[nomedic1]

It makes me depressed.

 

[Abstract]

Still listening if you ever decide to share more.;)

 

[Abstract]

Sorry Nomedic. I thought I was responding to your other thread.

I too have felt like this. It is awful. In some ways I almost hate it more than anything else. I have recently found that it sometimes lessons if I force myself to share some of my emotions or make a small effort at connection. It's very painful in its own totally lack of feeling way.

 

[nomedic1]

I have lost the ability to have true feelings for anybody, I can still do the schoolboy crush , but nothing further than that, I have emotional needs ,but through what I have experienced and some trust issues there is no hope of actually accessing my true emotions.

 

[nomedic1]

Why the hell can I not do this, I am so sad inside that I am so close to tears.

 

[Abstract]

Nomedic,
I am so sorry. :( I do understand.

I do suspect that a lot of it is directly linked to trauma though and that there is a hope. I have found that I have waves of feeling differently as other things ease up.

I have also thought that there is emotion that one can feel inside but also caring and love that one has that we may not feel in that bodily way. I don't know if that makes sense. Are you able to care in a way that does not involve obvious emotion?

You say you can feel schoolboy crushes so I am assuming you have found yourself attracted to other people. I don't have that (probably partly because of the type of trauma) but I certainly find people I do not know or do not love feel much safer in strange sense. Does that resonate? For me I think it is another way of feeling safer. I am risking less of getting hurt as I am not emotionally invested in the person and they also do not know me so are less able to judge as they have not seen all the vulnerability.

For me I can see that need to pull away as sign of the love that I feel for the person. That I can't always feel that in my body in the usual way but that I can tell it is still there. I also know that I can still show care in various ways despite the rest. I know sometimes that is impossible. I have practically torn myself apart trying to get myself to make some contact and not being able to. And the resulting guilt, shame and loss is awful.

Here is a big challenge for you: if you had no feelings and did not care then you would not be as tormented as you are and would not be feeling such remorse and loss.