General Emotional Bruises And Not Enough Sleep

[petuniapudnik]

Hi. I am new to this sort of thing, so here goes nothing!

I have been married to my husband for a little over 26 years. Most of that time has been good. We have been a military family for nearly 20 of those years. He was diagnosed with PTSD after his last 2 deployments to Iraq. We have been struggling ever since he came home. *sigh*

It has been difficult; He says unkind things and acts in hurtful ways, and then is confused when I react with anger or unhappiness. It feels sometimes like I am forever walking a tight-rope. It is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. I recognize that these behaviors are not 'him'; That they are expressions of his pain and anger. That might help me understand but it doesn't make it feel better. Sleep is also a huge issue for both of us. It is difficult to sleep soundly when I am not sure if I am going to be awoken by a loud shout or a kick. I am reluctant to leave him alone though. He says he is unable to sleep at all unless I am in the bed with him.

He is getting treatment through the VA. If he remembers to either A. Make the appointment(s), or B. Remembers to go to them. I do as much as I can as far as reminding him, etc, but if I take it too far (his version of too far) I am 'nagging' him, and he simply tunes me out. *wry smile*

Any ideas or thoughts out there?

Thank you for your time- petunia

 

[Deleted member 19035]

It feels sometimes like I am forever walking a tight-rope.

This is a true description for me also. With princess the whole thing is a balancing act. I feel as though I am carrying a tower of boxes when supporting her. One wrong move and the boxes crash to the floor. She can be extremely difficult when she is not 'herself.'

My princess loses months of memory if she has been really ill. We put notices on her fridge and alerts in her phone.

I have no advice for you as I am also looking for a resolution. I understand what you are going through and I hope both our situation's improve.

 

[nomedic1]

Petunia try and get him to join the sister site a good bunch of guys there and they can help him understand what's going on, and as its only combat guys he will feel comfortable.

 

[petuniapudnik]

This is a true description for me also. With princess the whole thing is a balancing act. I feel as though I am carrying a tower of boxes when supporting her. One wrong move and the boxes crash to the floor. She can be extremely difficult when she is not 'herself.'

Thank you for your reply. I am sorry you are walking this path, too. It truly does help to know that one is not alone. *smiling*

 

[petuniapudnik]

Petunia try and get him to join the sister site a good bunch of guys there and they can help him understand what's going on, and as its only combat guys he will feel comfortable.

Thank you for your suggestion. I have been trying to get him to join. He agrees with me until he forgets again.

Sometimes I am not sure if the 'forgetting' is accidental or on purpose. *snert* No. I know he really does forget. It is just so frustrating that this man I love so much and who I know is so intelligent and driven, can't remember to keep an appointment or remember to check out something that would be good for him. It seems that unless it is due to something at work, he can't keep more than a single thought in his head at a time. I wonder if I should insist he get examined for a TBI.

 

[Bilby]

It seems to be a terribly fine line between 'nagging' and 'reminding'. What I see as reminding (i.e. trying to be helpful) is often viewed as nagging by my husband, too. He can be a terrible procrastinator and I guess I do get frustrated with this too, as I often don't understand why he keeps delaying certain things.

B x

 

[petuniapudnik]

Thank you for your reply.
I am frustrated by my husband's procrastination, too. Especially when it deals with something important, like his doctor appts. I also get tired of being the 'bad guy' when I remind him of things. *sigh* Sometimes it feels like no matter what decision I make in regards to that, it is the wrong one.

 

[ptsdpain]

My husband too constantly tells me how I "nag him" even when I truly want what is best for him & his well being.