TimidZiggy
Bronze Member
I've been in this long term and long distance relationship with my boyfriend for like 2 years now. He's not currently in the country but we try the best we can. As of late I've been having really messed up issues feeling anything towards him, or anyone for that matter. All I have is apathy that or I get really upset that I can't feel what I once used to feel for him. I don't hate him, I want to be with him, I know I do. When I listen to our songs and I really think about seeing him and being with him it's enjoyable but when I'm actually talking to him I get so irritated. It's not that he's even doing anything different I'm just...I can't feel anything.
I've posted before about being tired all the time and I mean due to physical problems not depression. I am tired all the time. Like two nights ago my stomach was so upset and cramping I didn't get any sleep. I can't get a good night of sleep no matter how hard I try I also can't get a sleep study done til next month. I've been waiting like 6 months too (seriously made the appointment that far in advance) and now my boyfriend is getting upset with me because I'm not as affectionate as I was. He tells me he loves me and it feels like "yeah whatever" and sometimes it's even annoying but I'm not like that, I'm not THAT person. There is something WRONG with me I was NEVER like this. As I said It's been 2 years with him almost 3. Other than the fact that I'm frustrated with waiting for things to work out so we can physically be together I've never been this way before.
I am irritated by everything. The only emotions I seem to feel are extreme irritation or exhaustion sometimes mixed in with sobbing fits because I have some how become a completely different person than I ever used to be. I've tried like 5 medications at this point ALL of them had extremely bad reactions and I'm not going to continue down that road. I'm starting therapy with a counselor that does CBT but Christmas is coming up and we haven't even started the actual CBT I have to do the whole intake thing first. I don't like the feeling that there is something this wrong with me. I know how I am as a person or at least how I was but now it's like I've changed and I just don't CARE any more.
I also can't tell therapists this cause they equate it to suicide when I don't want to die. I'm terrified of dying, I'm terrified of getting old, I'm terrified of anything happening to me that would end my life. Yet they think my apathy is "suicidal" when it's like "No no no no no nothing in me wants to die I want to LIVE!" and I'm not depressed. I get out of bed every day, I take care of myself, I go out when I feel physically okay to do that, there may be mild depression but I'm WAY too motivated and productive to be severely depressed. I don't know what to do because this is killing my relationships it's making people hate me and I'm NOT like that. IS this even normal? IS there something I Can do?
I've posted before about being tired all the time and I mean due to physical problems not depression. I am tired all the time. Like two nights ago my stomach was so upset and cramping I didn't get any sleep. I can't get a good night of sleep no matter how hard I try I also can't get a sleep study done til next month. I've been waiting like 6 months too (seriously made the appointment that far in advance) and now my boyfriend is getting upset with me because I'm not as affectionate as I was. He tells me he loves me and it feels like "yeah whatever" and sometimes it's even annoying but I'm not like that, I'm not THAT person. There is something WRONG with me I was NEVER like this. As I said It's been 2 years with him almost 3. Other than the fact that I'm frustrated with waiting for things to work out so we can physically be together I've never been this way before.
I am irritated by everything. The only emotions I seem to feel are extreme irritation or exhaustion sometimes mixed in with sobbing fits because I have some how become a completely different person than I ever used to be. I've tried like 5 medications at this point ALL of them had extremely bad reactions and I'm not going to continue down that road. I'm starting therapy with a counselor that does CBT but Christmas is coming up and we haven't even started the actual CBT I have to do the whole intake thing first. I don't like the feeling that there is something this wrong with me. I know how I am as a person or at least how I was but now it's like I've changed and I just don't CARE any more.
I also can't tell therapists this cause they equate it to suicide when I don't want to die. I'm terrified of dying, I'm terrified of getting old, I'm terrified of anything happening to me that would end my life. Yet they think my apathy is "suicidal" when it's like "No no no no no nothing in me wants to die I want to LIVE!" and I'm not depressed. I get out of bed every day, I take care of myself, I go out when I feel physically okay to do that, there may be mild depression but I'm WAY too motivated and productive to be severely depressed. I don't know what to do because this is killing my relationships it's making people hate me and I'm NOT like that. IS this even normal? IS there something I Can do?
