Emotional Flashbacks That Can Take A Week Or Longer

[Yvy]

Hi everyone,

I had these periods where I think that I was dissociating: my house would become a mess, I wouldn't be able to eat and drink for days (just a bit, I had to force myself) and it's like I didn't know what I'd done the days before that. But last week I read something about flashbacks: I thought I didn't have those. Sometimes I see things visually or have memories. And then I found out that I apparantly have emotional flashbacks. I didn't know that that existed. Didn't know the word for it. But indeed, the feeling that I'm in the past again, I feel like I felt when I had those trauma's.

I was disappointed and upset, because after all these years of therapy (I started getting help when I was 15 and now I'm almost 34) and I still had no clue as to what happens to me and I don't know when a flashback like that starts. It feels to me like 90 % of the time I'm living in the past and am in a flashback? I thought how is it possible after everything I've learned I know so little about this...

Now I try to recognise triggers, but still I have no idea when it starts. Last week I found out and I think the emotional flashback had taken 1 or 2 weeks. I only found out be talking to my therapist about a few things. It frightens me because yes I can do my job and other people don't notice a lot about me. But from the insight I feel horrible and hypervigilant and really afraid. And it's like a prison because I can't get out.

I try to do mindfulness and meditate everyday. I do grounding exercises. I'm not very good at the grounding yet but it doesn't help me enough (yet?) to learn more about this emotional flashbacks. It's like a mystery to me.

Does anyone recognise being in them for so long and not knowing the trigger. Throughout a day I have so many triggers: I can write them down but I don't seem to notice which ones sent me into the flashbacks. And I don't notice when I'm in a flashback, just days later when I have trouble with eating and caring for myself. But even then I know that I'm not feeling well, but that doesn't mean that I'm having a flashback like that....

Any help or articles or advice would be really welcome because I'm quite clueless about this and I kind of hate that... Thanks!

 

[Chava]

I can go for a few days in a sort of meltdown mode where I'm really getting sucked into past connections and time is getting distorted. I do have body memories and relate to the concept of emotional flashbacks. But when it goes on for more than a day I think of it more like I enter a different state. Not totally dissociated or like a different personality. I don't really care if there is a perfect term for this. I'm just operating from that trapped and traumatized place. It does take a while to recognize. I often can't recognize triggers because for me they are probably quite benign, like having cramps or some pain or getting somewhere different in therapy that maybe jumbled me up a bit. These things can trigger a sort of trapped feeling that I don't even recognize right away. If more intense or dragging on I've gotten better at finding ways out though. I also have to keep my pain at a manageable level, so for me the meltdowns and immobilized and dreadful states have been greatly reduced through finding the right meds.

It's hard to notice the triggers if you don't notice you are "in" it for a while. So maybe start with noticing when you are in this state or sort of flashback and ways to get out. You might take notes, notice what was going on the day before, etc., and start to notice patterns. It might take a while because this is still "you" and how you've adapted. To a degree I am still shutdown quite often and always looking for ways out.

 

[Tinyflame]

Does anyone recognise being in them for so long and not knowing the trigger. Throughout a day I have so many triggers: I can write them down but I don't seem to notice which ones sent me into the flashbacks. And I don't notice when I'm in a flashback, just days later when I have trouble with eating and caring for myself. But even then I know that I'm not feeling well, but that doesn't mean that I'm having a flashback like that....

Yes I do recognize it. Go by how you 'suddenly' (especially) feel with no 'reason' for it, really. (I think the latter is the fall-out).

Yikes, can't recall exactly, but it's definitely Pete Walker that has techniques (it's on the forum here, & he has a website)- "13 Steps For Managing (Emotional?) Flashbacks", I think.

Good luck! :hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yep, go to Pete Walker's website. Best stuff ever for dealing with emotional flashbacks.

Here are things I've done.

Log ALL flashbacks in a little book. Day, date, time, symptoms, possible triggers, length, skills used to ground yourself, etc. Soon you'll see a pattern emerge. You'll find new triggers. You'll discover the signs that a flashback is coming on. My big one is shaking. Once I hit that point, I must get myself to a safe, private place because it's inevitable that the flashback is going to hit. You'll find your own signs.

It's important to make a log, and not just a list. A log will tell you a lot more about your flashback pattern.


My flashbacks are more acute. They are distinct episodes and tend not to last long. The anxiety and numbness and such can persist, but the flashback itself isn't that long.

 

[sun seeker]

Does anyone recognise being in them for so long and not knowing the trigger.

About length of time, it depends on the type of flashback. For me, there are two kinds I've identified. One is mainly physical and emotional, and I can go through times when I am having a lot of them close together and become pretty nonfunctional in the rest of my life. Each one doesn't last very long at a stretch though. Those just have to run their course it seems. Then there are purely emotional flashbacks where I go into a freeze state, and I can stay there for a very long time, though it seems to be getting better. Like you, I didn't know for a long time to identify these as flashbacks. I don't (yet, anyway) have visual or auditory flashbacks. But all this is still evolving.

Now I try to recognise triggers, but still I have no idea when it starts.

That sounds so frustrating. I usually do know what has triggered me, so don't struggle with this to the extent you do, but have had a time or two I've been scratching my head trying to figure it out. I wonder, if you aren't able to identify when your flashbacks begin, is there anyone else who would be able to give you some insight into when they begin and what was happening right before? Or when you start to notice something is off, can you think back to identify more or less when it happened? You may find that over time it becomes clearer.

This process can be a lot like detective work. I'm sorry it's so hard.

 

[Yvy]

I don't really care if there is a perfect term for this. I'm just operating from that trapped and traumatized place. It does take a while to recognize. I often can't recognize triggers because for me they are probably quite benign, like having cramps or some pain or getting somewhere different in therapy that maybe jumbled me up a bit.

@Chava, I think I wanted a perfect term because I'm mostly a thinker and I thought I am going crazy or something. And finding it on the internet and reading about it and recognizing gives me support. So giving it names in my head kind of supports me that there is a way out. That it's not that vague as I thought because there are other people who have this. Thanks.

@Junebug Yeey that's exactly where I first read about it! I also starting doing the things he mentioned in his article. I'm going to look for more stuff about him. Thanks for the tip!

@itsKismet thanks! I'm going to do that. And thanks about the log advice. Sometimes I write down what I do all day but that's so difficult to keep writing about but maybe I wrote to much. Wow and how good that you found out about your triggers and the big ones!! I hope I'll be able to do that too! I notice that a lot of times I don't know how I'm feeling (if friends ask) but I DO know that I'm not feeling well! And I think I push away my real ideas/ feelings.

@sun seeker thanks for your explanation. What you say about having the flashbacks close together sometimes. Maybe that's what I have too but I have no idea.. (as of yet). How did you find this out? Did you make a log too?
I live alone so sadly enough I don't have anyone who is around that much to notice when I'm having trouble with something without knowing it myself. When I think back there are many triggers that I had these last days and then I don't know which one caused the flashbacks. My therapist helps me with that. Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time: talking about a little trigger and then it suddenly seems that that was the big cause and the biggest one! So weird. So I really need my therapist to help me with that. (wish I could already do it on my own).
So sweet that you say you're sorry that it's so hard. Thankyou.

 

[SabrinaB]

It's all a work in progress. I too crave some type of structure to help categorize and define my experiences. Maybe makes me feel a bit less at the mercy of my body? Provides a way to explain symptoms and track them?

What you describe is a gray area. PTSD alternates between hyperarousal and hypoarousal (i.e. dissociated) states which don't necessarily have specific triggers. This could possibly explain what you're experiencing. The shift is often subtle and I also try to figure out what's going on and why when I notice myself feeling different or struggling with symptoms.

 

[sun seeker]

How did you find this out? Did you make a log too?

Didn't need to. For me it's much clearer. During the flashbacks I might be lying on the floor screaming and shaking. Then fine for a while. Then screaming and shaking again. It sounds like you'll need to do some detective work to understand your patterns. It's hard if you don't notice the trigger and don't have anyone to watch for you. I wonder if it would help to approach this with curiosity, like an observer looking for clues... easier said than done when it is affecting you so much and probably very frustrating!

 

[Chava]

I think I wanted a perfect term because I'm mostly a thinker and I thought I am going crazy or something. And finding it on the internet and reading about it and recognizing gives me support.

Okay...I totally understand validation and not just feeling crazy (I've felt like a crazy person for decades). I do know you're not alone in these kinds of experiences. Sorry I don't know the perfect term (gray area between flashback and dissociation that I can't even know for myself sometimes so wouldn't want to assign a term for others). I'm a thinker too but sort of resist terms and labels because I'm addicted to just gathering more information, unless the label seems 100% perfect. So not labels for the sake of settling it, but for understanding. Which I assume you're after. I know getting in the right ball park can at least help frame it and create better understanding, which can be very helpful.

There are parts of our brains that get pretty disorganized through trauma, one being our functions for sensing where we are in time. It's hard to explain but my moments of feeling caught in all time are the most dreadful...completely dreadful and overwhelming. There is usually a slow build up where I'm losing ground but not often recognizing it. Sometimes it's sudden, in response to a trigger. But this feeling of time all messed up and glued together is tied to body memories and emotional flashbacks for me. I have a hard time calling this derealization, but also calling it a flashback because it can be very subtle leading up to the overwhelm, but I am losing my grip. For a while I sensed it as a different version of panic. I don't know what it is. It helps me to know it's a trauma thing, sorry I don't have a better label.