I had read the post on employers and employees at work.
I took a contract dispite my doctor's advice to see what shape I was in for working now.
I mentioned to my boss that I had PTSD and would I be able to leave 1 hour early once a week and I would make it up by coming in an hour early.
He is a very nice guy but said that it was impossible as there was an upgrade at work and too much to do. He seemd very surprised by the request.
Since then I have kept in silence out of fear.
After my 2nd car accident one day I was waiting for an employment letter from work (which they had said was no problem) for purchasing a home and instead I was called called down and told I was being let go. I wasn't allowed back at my desk just told I had to leave right away with some severance. Lost the condo and the job that day. I had been there 8 years.
I had a breakdown and landed in the hospital. While I was there, work had someone come and give me a letter saying that my disability wouldn't cover anything that had happened to me in the last month. I suppose I could have fought it but I was too drained to try.
Now I live in constant fear of being let go. A few weeks ago while I was training a class, my boss emailed me and said I had to come up right away. I taught a bit more shaking in my shoes and he emailed again and said you have to come up now.
I barely made it up the stairs I was so scared that it was happening again. When I got up there they were singing happy birthday with a cake and he said "so did I have you worried, did you think you were in trouble", I was so shocked I just stared. I know he thought it was funny and he is the nicest boss I have ever had but for me it was just pure shock and fear happening all over. I could barely focus the rest of the day.
I don't know what to do or how long I will make it. I stare at the screen when responding to a call because I can't remember how to spell words. If someone calls for help I can't remember what they said, even if I try to write it down. My head goes crazy if more than one thing is going on at the same time. My fellow employees keep looking at me because sometimes the most simplest thing is lost on me. I used to be such a high functioner and now I live with the fear everyday that they will see how stupid (may sound like a harsh word but sometimes it is the only way to describe it) I am now. I sit there everyday waiting for the hammer to drop once again living in constant fear.
Can anyone please me advice on what to do? If I quit I have to go bankrupt. Suicide just seems to be getting better and better. Where do I go from here.....
Thanks for listening to my babble....
Signed
Lost and Scared
I took a contract dispite my doctor's advice to see what shape I was in for working now.
I mentioned to my boss that I had PTSD and would I be able to leave 1 hour early once a week and I would make it up by coming in an hour early.
He is a very nice guy but said that it was impossible as there was an upgrade at work and too much to do. He seemd very surprised by the request.
Since then I have kept in silence out of fear.
After my 2nd car accident one day I was waiting for an employment letter from work (which they had said was no problem) for purchasing a home and instead I was called called down and told I was being let go. I wasn't allowed back at my desk just told I had to leave right away with some severance. Lost the condo and the job that day. I had been there 8 years.
I had a breakdown and landed in the hospital. While I was there, work had someone come and give me a letter saying that my disability wouldn't cover anything that had happened to me in the last month. I suppose I could have fought it but I was too drained to try.
Now I live in constant fear of being let go. A few weeks ago while I was training a class, my boss emailed me and said I had to come up right away. I taught a bit more shaking in my shoes and he emailed again and said you have to come up now.
I barely made it up the stairs I was so scared that it was happening again. When I got up there they were singing happy birthday with a cake and he said "so did I have you worried, did you think you were in trouble", I was so shocked I just stared. I know he thought it was funny and he is the nicest boss I have ever had but for me it was just pure shock and fear happening all over. I could barely focus the rest of the day.
I don't know what to do or how long I will make it. I stare at the screen when responding to a call because I can't remember how to spell words. If someone calls for help I can't remember what they said, even if I try to write it down. My head goes crazy if more than one thing is going on at the same time. My fellow employees keep looking at me because sometimes the most simplest thing is lost on me. I used to be such a high functioner and now I live with the fear everyday that they will see how stupid (may sound like a harsh word but sometimes it is the only way to describe it) I am now. I sit there everyday waiting for the hammer to drop once again living in constant fear.
Can anyone please me advice on what to do? If I quit I have to go bankrupt. Suicide just seems to be getting better and better. Where do I go from here.....
Thanks for listening to my babble....
Signed
Lost and Scared