Endless Pit Of Sadness

[Tinyflame]

Genuineness @DogwoodTree .A truthful reaction/ feedback. In that case perhaps gives us permission to feel that too.

 

[SnowJo]

I've posted about sadness before, but am figuring out some stuff. It's hard for me to have any feelings, a...

re - really early sadness, fear I'm dying, feelings of non-existence, probably abandonment stuff -
This made me feel very sad to picture you feeling this way as a young child, and reminded me of my own lost self. I think the sadness comes both sometimes as the endless pit, which you need to constantly develop your soothing skills, there is no one skill, I have loads and work on new ones all the time, that's my journey of self discovery, partly to learn what will give me joy inspite of all the sadness. sometimes things like lip balm or perfume or having a shower works, sometimes its doing something I love like taking photographs, sometimes its coming in here, sometimes its watching a comedy, sometimes it playing with my dogs.. its about discoveirng joy.

It's also good to learn how to feel it in bits, then put it away. I find getting busy living helps me to automatically put things away when I need to be with my daughter, or I am helping someone else do something, or I am holding my granchild, but not always, sometimes its the deep pit and I need to really be kind to myself and take things slowly and protect myself like I would my child. It's a journey of self discovery, management of how to grieve the past over time without it ruining your life today, but it haivng a place, enabling self acceptance. for me anyway.. hope this helps

 

[KwanYingirl]

I can feel sadness for others who are suffering like refugees in Africa, etc. I feel sad that children die young from incurable disease. I feel sad for the natural world that is being ravaged by Mans greed. But sad for me? I don't have a feeling for that. I get on the pity pot at times, but true-feel it in the heart-sadness just doesn't visit me. I think I am too out of touch with my inner world and my range of emotions is constructed. With any discomfort I try to distract myself and get busy with some activity. Many times I just go to bed and sleep it away.

i am confused about being grounded. I think if I could increase the amount of time I am grounded, the more willing I would be to feel negative emotions. But then when something brings me to feeling sad, I iftencant articulate what it is that's made me sad. All I know is I'm sad but don't know why.

 

[SnowJo]

I can feel sadness for others who are suffering like refugees in Africa, etc. I feel sad that childr...

sounds conflicting, be gentle with yourself. how would you treat another little girl that had your experiences, feel that emotion as it is for you. (assuming its kindness and empathy or protectiveness)

 

[Chava]

It's also good to learn how to feel it in bits, then put it away.

This is roughly what I'm working on. My therapist told me to keep a safe distance. I can really only experience the sadness safely in therapy but am learning how to use singing bowls for emergency soothing...(like I can't get away from sadness but it's eating me alive from the inside lately...inner physical meltdown and feelings of rapidly disintegrating).

I like your list of soothing things. Yes, I think it has to be a good list...I'm working on that. All very new to me. Thank you for your kind comments and sharing.

@KwanYingirl I don't feel sadness as self pity. It's the sadness I can't explain, sort of like you noted...I don't usually know where it comes from. For me I think it's the very deep disconnection. I've distracted myself from it for years, sometimes brilliantly. But my distractions aren't working well anymore, damn it. DAMN IT! If only...

 

[Tinyflame]

I know this sounds really bizarre, but I'm thinking today, that when I embrace the sadness (I know without a doubt it will likely always be a part of me), it actually makes me happy (therefore no longer so sad.), provided the sadness etc has a use (I can envision a use). Then like @DogwoodTree said it can flow out (ie be good for something) instead of being a stagnating bottomless (soul-consuming) pit.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I know this sounds really bizarre, but I'm thinking today, that when I embrace the sadness (I know withou...

Yes, this makes sense. Sometimes there's a sense of relief, anyway, when I'm able to face into it instead of stuffing it/running from it. But I still don't know how to express it, at least not in any way that I recognize as being normal. There's rarely crying, never leaning into someone else for support...for me, anyway, it seems like soothing would actually be self defeating because the point is to get in touch with the feeling, not nullify it in any way.

My T described it as...it's like canoeing down a river then pulling off at a safe beach just before you hit the really dangerous rapids.

 

[Chava]

When it's not just sucking me under, helps me have compassion and not be hurtful to others, but sometimes perceive what others don't and reach out. I don't do this well, but saying it's possible. I relate to the person who shows up at an AA meeting for the first time and seems like they feel invisible and will sneak out quietly before anyone notices. I try to at least say hi and point out where my # is on our phone list. So that's a way of working with it too. But I'm in such a small rural area that I rarely come across new people who need my help, and when I need help I don't know how to ask for it.

 

[SnowJo]

I know this sounds really bizarre, but I'm thinking today, that when I embrace the sadness (I know withou...

I understand this in so many ways! Your on to it. I found though I needed to remember not to carry it constantly as that sadness wants to be soothed and wants to experience joy too :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @SnowJo I think that's very right! :)

My T described it as...it's like canoeing down a river then pulling off at a safe beach just before you hit the really dangerous rapids.

@DogwoodTree , do you mean that is what the shutting down is? I mostly don't cry etc either, not out loud or in front of anyone if I can help it especially.

@Chava I think that is a lot, to do that. If I was that new member I would be so grateful.

 

[DogwoodTree]

do you mean that is what the shutting down is?

No, he was referring to exploring feelings. The feelings can get really overwhelming if I don't jump out before the rapids...not getting out soon enough results in flooding. It was just an analogy.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @DogwoodTree , it sounded too peaceful compared to avoidance! Yikes :rolleyes: :)