It means the person is really really up for it, really wants it and is not just doing it because they feel they should, or their partner (or whoever) will get mad if they don't do it.
he individual to say how they're feeling, as they are feeling it, without anxiety or self-doubt..
maybe enthusiastic consent Han only be given when both / all parties are willing to hear others as well as speak up? I think it’s also important to look at the ‘yes is yes’ campaigns / those which highlight that it’s not ‘no means no’ because sometimes people ARE too scared to speak out - whether it’s people with previous trauma or people with poor communication skills. These kind of campaigns focus on things that aren’t ( enthusiastic) consent like ‘I’m tired’ or ‘I’ve got to go to work in a few hours’ or ‘not here’.I think that is a huge problem. So many times people are afraid or even just hesitant to speak up about things in general. They don't want to upset the other person, etc. The same thing can happen with sex and on-going consent. Once you've started, it can feel difficult to speak up and say you don't want to do this anymore. Yes, it falls on that person because they need to speak up and the other person is not a mind reader. But, it's still an issue and can be somewhat alleviated with discussion beforehand, especially about checking in or deciding ahead of time that it's ok to speak up about it.
I think that's really true and really important. "Willing to hear" is huge. And not everyone is. @joeylittle has made a couple of passing references to the kinds of people who might be involved and I think that has to be considered. There are plenty of people out there who really DON'T care about anything beyond what THEY want. I don't think selfishness has to always rise to the level of being criminal to be a problem either. But I suppose it's also not the SAME problem for everyone.maybe enthusiastic consent Han only be given when both / all parties are willing to hear others as well as speak up?
Very true.We all have biases that we're mostly unaware of and we expect one gender to act one way and another gender to act another way.
There's also absolutely no way to divorce gender roles from anything that happens during sex, enthusiastic consent included.
Well, that is very true. I am approaching this from my own frame of reference and will gladly admit that I don't really understand anyone else's. Frankly I'm glad that it doesn't apply to you since heterosexual sexual relationships are just mercilessly grim from my own point of view.You're comments about gender roles is very heterosexual/cisgender way of looking at things.
i know muttly is ignoring this but this comment was spot on for me. I’m a woman who has had no problems initiating or asking men out despite leaning ‘submissive’ and as many know, was raped by a woman despite being heterosexual . There was no gender role involved there but both of us had some kink involvement so theoretically should have been versed in consent and communication.
The conversation, I think, is where it starts. Because not all that long ago, you would never have convinced people that it was possible to rape someone they're married to.I don't think you'll be able to convince those people that enthusiastic consent should be the standard.
I'd be an outlier if this is the case. I think there are a lot of situations where people could agree that "they said yes, but really they meant Hell No", or that 'yes' was immaterial.I don't think you'll be able to convince most other people that someone who said "yes" isn't complicit in some way in their own abuse.
I really struggle with the idea that a person can't be under the influence and consent to sex.
For my own self… if someone asks me? The answer is no.Ps. I really really love the idea of abstract sex talk before anything happens so everybody knows in abstract what we are into (as @joeylittle ) notes above. But again that is the funny part, people want to f*ck not talk!