Sexual Assault Tea, consent, and the marriage bed

[anonymous]

Like a wife can you know be "on about something" my wife said this actually not me, and the guy won't even go home without a few drinks because he's scared of her lol. It's not funny though but you know people actually live like that.

 

[Deanna]

Thank-you LeighLLee for your posts!

I personally think and have experienced having sex every day and I don't like. Sex becomes horribly boring once a day, for me. Nothing, burns- me-out more! In the beginning of a relationship, sure it's normal , but after that - no thanks. My body is not made like that anyway. I like sex once a week because there is more passion.. Everyone on here had some good posts but I agree it would be time to say no. I would really start having some real, raw anger, at someone that "groped" me, or "pinned" me down. I know what I'd do, I would get physical. That's passive aggressive and I don't ( can't) play that game. ( trauma) That's two people, not one. (paranoid schizophrenic I would never be able to stay in the relationship when I saw the other side. I sincerely hope everyone here can heal.

f he held her down at one point, refused to listen to her no's, didn't care if she fought back...then that is a whole different ball field and combined with what is happening as for as coercion, I think there is reason for concern. This isn't just a matter of he wants sex and I don't. There is a pattern here about how he views her. If your wife begged you not to, fought back, and you pinned her down and mocked her, what do you think you would have done? How do you think your wife would see it? How does it feel when someone takes control over your body and there is nothing you can do to stop it? It feels horrible. What about after that happens, and the coercion begins again? It's easier and less traumatic to give in than it is to get raped[/QUOOTE]

 

[Hooper]

As a husband of a wife who was raped it's tough from my side as well. Once the honeymoon phase was over (sex daily or multiple times daily) and it became clear I was the high drive partner it was tough. Having kids was the high point of my life but the low point of my sex life which is understandable. Once the youngest was 4 and independent is when the issues came up. My wife would be happy with once or maybe twice a week. I'm still an every day kind of person which I know is not reasonable but somewhere in between is not. Not knowing what day of the week was going to be the day I would try almost every day which was met with a lot of rejection. It was one of those nights she asked what was wrong and I told her it sucked being rejected. She offered to take one for the team as others have put it and I declined saying "If you do not want to have sex I'm not going to be like the son of a bitch that raped you." She let me know I was nothing like him and although I knew she had been raped I never knew the details (have a whole thread on that one). I did not and still am not handling it well. I've been in therapy over 2 years and feel like I've gotten little to no where. Luckily we communicated and came up with a compromise that met between each of our libidos. Regardless I still have guilt. Couples with equal sex drives are rare. We are the norm with differing sex drives and as a male ours tends to be higher although that is not always the case. The unfortunate semi norm is my spouse was raped and it does throw an awful kink in the mix in regards to the guilt I have for my own sex drive. Just my experience.