Epiphany

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm not going to say the entire problem is his, because it isn't. I mean that I know I caused issues in our friendship and I admit that. I know I have my problems and I am working in them. Not for him, but for myself, as I want to overcome these trauma issues. But, at this point, I do think this is his issue. He probably doesn't believe I have changed yet, so yes, this part may take awhile to sink in. I'm no longer falling into old patterns of behavior. Whoa, complete shocker as my old patterns were 100% predictable. It'll be interesting to see how he reacts to this new dynamic between us.

He's told me a number of times that the issues were 100% mine as he doesn't have these sorts of problems with anyone else in his life. Funny, as I don't have these issues with anyone but him, but I'd never say it's 100% his fault.

I realize this friendship may be dead. It might have been dead awhile ago but we both stuck to our assigned roles and that alone could have kept things going. If things are over, I can accept that. I realize not everyone can accept change, even when they say that's what they really want.

PS I am talking about change because this sort of change is very new to me and I struggle with it. I don't have the "I have changed and now I'm soooo much better than you" sort of attitude. I mean, I don't have this attitude toward him.