Ever Grouped The Things You Find Stressful?

GrayOwl

MyPTSD Pro
I put the paperwork in the coke bottle with the mentos, seal it up tightly, turn it in, and let them deal with it.

And then my answer is: "I gave it to you. You have it. What'd YOU do with it?"

When somebody wants to get the mess off their desk they give me what I need.

If it doesn't work, repeat as needed.

I hate bureaucracy.

Sometimes I just get it done.

Sometimes they get mentos and coke......
 
Yeah but I'm the polar opposite. And it's probably just as difficult to manage.

Any paperwork that arrives must be dealt with immediately. That means leaving meals uneaten, plans deserted, people left wondering. I'm obsessive about it being done and writing I've done it in my day diary, receipts, numbers, file it, double check, triple check and then worry I've not done enough, soon enough, just enough.

Phone calls - I wander around the house filling the washing machine, folding and ironing, stripping the bed or playing with my dog - on hold waiting for someone to take me off the mechanised voice telling me how much they appreciate my choice in holding and they will answer me as soon as.... and me getting angry with someone who has no damn reason to keep me waiting for hours, or hearing that faint click when the system cannot manage or handle a person who has actually dared and waited for 95 minutes and me feeling my heart rate rocket, my face redden with stress and that achey headache spring up around my temples and crack my brain wide open as I redial because I just cannot not do that. I must finish what I began.

Then the relief when it is done. Regardless of the outcome. But the uneasiness and eventually full blown fear that it will come again and again and I'll be trapped and have to manage it again.

I once went eight years without lodging tax returns. It was part of my seroquel years and being completely ptsd'd. It was unmanageable. I walked into an accountancy firm off the street and burst into tears at the reception desk. Capitulation even though I wasn't their client and hadn't made an appointment. Was led to a private room where I met the kindest, most fearlessly supportive lady accountant who led me through the income tax maze and happily brought about not only resolution to my paralysis with this issue but deposited a tidy sum of money into my bank. She was paid of course but I hope I conveyed to her how much it meant to be understood. I think she did somehow.

I am helpless at leaving something undone and that is just as crippling as being unable to start or finish an outstanding correspondence project.
Do you understand? It's exhausting, emotional, annoying, distracting and pretty much by virtue of the type of switched on lifestyle I have, meaning mobile phone, email, snail mail and being entirely responsible for my own stuff, all of the time it's invasive.
 
Top