Iraq Vet 2 times with the Marines 2005-2010. Me and my girl have been on/off since we were teenagers, basically 11 years.
I have been 100% disabled, consider unemployable due to PTSD. Strong anxiety and physical pain. My girl and i got back together and i wanted to work towards finally tying the knot but the more im in the relationship, the more i just can't trust her.
Forget about sex, she never wants to. So like alot of vets, we don't wanna cheat, so in my case i turned to porn. She loved porn but now she hates it. Every morning i wake up to something i did wrong around the house. I've given her my bank account and all the stuff to pay everything and yet i still get shitted on everyday. We have 2 dogs, a beautiful place, 2 cars and a hefty amount of retirement money.
When i was alone i was only 60% and still denying my conditions were mental, more that doctors hadn't found anything wrong with me. I made half the amount of money i do now but i always had in the bank. Yes i was lonely and miserable because i couldn't make friends with civs. Now its backwards. I got someone at home that ive shared everything with but i think shes had enough. She is part of the caregiver program at the VA and she tells me wives go in there all the time and complain or cry and want out.
I just can't stop to think she wants out but doesn't wanna leave the retirement and easy living behind. What should i do if i want her out? she will hide her emotions? Were currently starting couples counseling at the vet center.
So if anyone reads this and acts like me or her havent had tons of support, that hasn't been the case. I just notice how she doesn't wake me up to go walk the dogs and take a walk, or plain ol have sex with the man she says she loves. I feel like im just a f*cking meal ticket but i love her and my dog family and they would be miserable w/o her. I know dogs aren't kids but mine pretty much are. My youngest dog was found at a walmart the same day i was gonna blow my brains out. i gave the gun back to my friend and went to the VA again that same day. It's been 2 1/2 years since ive been out and still the love for that dog and for my girl is what i tell everyone is the single reason i bother to even give a shit. Now it just hurts me day to day as i slip into another flashback, or gotta reach for the clonazepam because here it comes that she doesn't want any part of this.
She didn't speak much at our first session but she did burst out in tears that she wants me back to the guy i was before the Corps. I know in my heart of hearts thats never going to happen so is this just a dead end?
P.S. - I 100% don't like the lil tab on this forum about that vets treat their wives like shit. Go to any OSAC group therapy and you'll find vets from S. Korea - Vietnam era that have had their families, loved ones, friends throw them out and forget about them, UNLESS they got retirement. Had one 60 year old vet having his checks being stolen by his own grand-daughter. It's a two way f*cking street.
I have been 100% disabled, consider unemployable due to PTSD. Strong anxiety and physical pain. My girl and i got back together and i wanted to work towards finally tying the knot but the more im in the relationship, the more i just can't trust her.
Forget about sex, she never wants to. So like alot of vets, we don't wanna cheat, so in my case i turned to porn. She loved porn but now she hates it. Every morning i wake up to something i did wrong around the house. I've given her my bank account and all the stuff to pay everything and yet i still get shitted on everyday. We have 2 dogs, a beautiful place, 2 cars and a hefty amount of retirement money.
When i was alone i was only 60% and still denying my conditions were mental, more that doctors hadn't found anything wrong with me. I made half the amount of money i do now but i always had in the bank. Yes i was lonely and miserable because i couldn't make friends with civs. Now its backwards. I got someone at home that ive shared everything with but i think shes had enough. She is part of the caregiver program at the VA and she tells me wives go in there all the time and complain or cry and want out.
I just can't stop to think she wants out but doesn't wanna leave the retirement and easy living behind. What should i do if i want her out? she will hide her emotions? Were currently starting couples counseling at the vet center.
So if anyone reads this and acts like me or her havent had tons of support, that hasn't been the case. I just notice how she doesn't wake me up to go walk the dogs and take a walk, or plain ol have sex with the man she says she loves. I feel like im just a f*cking meal ticket but i love her and my dog family and they would be miserable w/o her. I know dogs aren't kids but mine pretty much are. My youngest dog was found at a walmart the same day i was gonna blow my brains out. i gave the gun back to my friend and went to the VA again that same day. It's been 2 1/2 years since ive been out and still the love for that dog and for my girl is what i tell everyone is the single reason i bother to even give a shit. Now it just hurts me day to day as i slip into another flashback, or gotta reach for the clonazepam because here it comes that she doesn't want any part of this.
She didn't speak much at our first session but she did burst out in tears that she wants me back to the guy i was before the Corps. I know in my heart of hearts thats never going to happen so is this just a dead end?
P.S. - I 100% don't like the lil tab on this forum about that vets treat their wives like shit. Go to any OSAC group therapy and you'll find vets from S. Korea - Vietnam era that have had their families, loved ones, friends throw them out and forget about them, UNLESS they got retirement. Had one 60 year old vet having his checks being stolen by his own grand-daughter. It's a two way f*cking street.
