Relationship Everything Went Down, Support Needed

[Den281090]

I don't even know where to start... But to make long story short ... Ive been dating a marine veteran for 3 months, he told me about his ptsd and tbi from the beginning, and in this small period of time ive been trough a lot ... Him pushing me away, afraid of commitment, him coming back asking me to stay by his side , and all over again,

i guess most of you have been through this and have way more experience than i do.

He was one week away of finishing a program where he was living in a facility getting treated for his ptsd, he was about to sing the lease of his new apartment, sober... He was trying very hard to get better. Last week we has an amazing weekend, we went skydiving , and he enjoyed it so much

But usually after a great weekend is when he starts pushing me away, i spent new years eve alone because i worked very late... And i was very hurt because he was distant those days and didnt get a call , untill the next day afternoon and he could tell i was upset so we ended the conversation ... That was thursday... Today i got 2 calls and i didnt answer, honestly i was giving up on the rollercoaster ... I got a text after saying that he knows im not happy with him but that he needed support and advice from me ... I called him , my heart was pounding, i knew something wasnt right. He has told me before that when he came back from war he started drinking a lot and hot in serious trouble with the law, he got into a fight in a bar and almost killed two guys, he was DUI and crashed , 2 people were very badly injured so he has a parole officer and all that... Thats why he got in the program because he wanted to make things better... And he was getting there :( ...

What he told me today .... First of all i cant count how many times he said he was sorry and he regret the way hes been with me, that he pushed away everyone that he loves and everyone that cares about hik, that he regrets not taking the oportunity of being with me, that he loves me that im too good for him , etc etc.... And second he told me he started drinking on new years eve, and the next day too, he went to a bar , got f*cked up (sorry ) and got a DUI .....

So now hes depending on his parole officer, but last time he was on court the judge said there wasn't gonna be another opportunity !!! If he turns in , hes facing 7 years in prision...

I saw him and he asked me to stay with his car because obviously he cant drive , and told me to pick him up tomorrow at the va facility, but that if he wasn't there it was because police went to arrest him.... I told him i wanted to support him through this , and he said he couldnt believe that after what hes putting me through i could say that, that nothing would make him more happy thank for me to have his back but that he doesn't want to cause me more pain, that idon't deserve a relationship with someone behind bars but i told him as long as he wants me by his side that was my decision....

He told me that if he gets out of this he would make for us, he gave me his mom and dads phone to be in touch with them ...he was crying so much saying that he failed everyone that loves him, hes scared of jail....

Im crushed! Im confused! I cant believe this is happening , i care about him so much , i feel so angry with ptsd, it takes away more lives than war ! I want to support him trough this, i have to be strong and im praying to god with all my heart that he gets another chance......

 

[Sweetpea76]

That is unfortunate. You're picking him up at the VA facility? Is he still in treatment? Maybe the judge won't give him jail time if he is in treatment.

 

[Den281090]

Yes im picking him up tomorrow, and helping him leave everything done because he's turning himself in on monday or tuesday.... This is the 4th time he gets in trouble and last time was his last chance, i really hope the judge gives him another opportunity since he was doing a lot for himself , he was about to end the program, he got accepted in school, he volunteers , hes in a couple of va programs ... Im praying that the judge can see that .... Holidays are hard times for people dealing with ptsd...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we really change.

 

[Den281090]

Yes thats true :/

 

[Sweetpea76]

Good luck to him, and you.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

He needs to be in a facility for as long as he needs to deal with this. The VA isn't going to do crap all for they need to change and needs to be in a facility where he can sober up, get on medication and get the true help he needs, even if that means living there for a year or more. He's not ready and I would tell the doctors what you just told us. He's a danger to himself and I, because of what he's been through for our country, needs the help we can give him. Tell the doctors what you told us, as I said. He's not ready to get out.