Ex Boyfriend Had Sex After Our Break Up. Can I Be Mad?

[Arep]

If you are separated, and working on things separately, why are you seeing each other and having these conversations? Why do you think you are entitled to monitor his life? It does sound as if you are trying to control everything, while giving nothing.

 

[Owiv]

@Arep He had been persistently reaching out to me, saying how much he misses me and still loves me and will do whatever it takes for us to be together. Didn't realize that included other people! But that aside, we still have at least a speaking relationship.

 

[Pahar]

You can be mad, but..

Why waste your energy?!

 

[Owiv]

@Pahar Because I still love him. He made it seem like he still loves me and is actively working on things with the intent of getting back together. So to hear this now and in the worst way possible- via text and him getting defensive about it- just crushes me.

 

[Zikelu]

I'd be hurt if I were you too, but the way you talk about this in this post sounds like you are treating the situation as if you two were still together when you weren't. You really aren't entitled to know the details of his personal life when you two are separated, so I agree that you should be glad he told you at all. And being angry at him for "lying" seems pretty misplaced here ... again, you're treating it as if there was some commitment when the whole point of the separation was to take a step back. He took a step back and you haven't. Honestly,, if you weren't prepared for the possibility of him hooking up with other people, why did you suggest separating? I sense some passive-aggressiveness here and it seems kinda like you dumped him with the hopes of getting a very specific reaction from him, you didn't get that reaction and it backfired, and now you are seeking ways to be angry with him.

 

[Owiv]

Ok I get what you're saying, but I maintain he did lie...repeatedly. I asked him a pointed question about whether he was seeing or hooking up with anyone and he said "no"...and this was right after he told me he wanted openness and honesty from me!

 

[Evupo]

It sounds like you never meant to really break up. You just wanted him to get hell and then pick up the relationship from where you both left off. Problem is, it sounds like he might have viewed things differently.

My ex tried to break up with me in a similar manner (I'm the one with PTSD). He thought we would just take a break and then pick up seamlessly from where we left off. Problem was, I decided I liked being single and that the relationship was actually keeping me stuck and not letting me heal. He wants me back. I don't want him back.

Once you breaking off with someone, you have to respect their decisions, even if those aren't the ones you want.

 

[Owiv]

I see what everyone is saying, I do. What I'm wondering is why has he pursued me so incessantly ever since them and make it seem like I was the only one he was interested in when that in fact wasn't the case? He could've had a thousand drunken orgies with donkeys for all I care, but he didn't have to lie about everything and lead me to believe something that simply isn't the case. That is my main point of contention.

 

[Ucehuf]

I dumped him several months ago due to his refusal to get the help he so needed.

I've been towing a bit of a hard line as I want to make sure things are right before officially committing.

Does that actually mean, you dumped him, not to really get rid of him, but hoping that there then would be a change for the better? And did you stay in a regular contact, after you "dumped" him?

 

[Uha]

@Ucehuf that is fair to say. I did hope it would be a catalyst for him to get help. We had no contact for close to 2 months even though he was calling throughout that entire time begging for me to just talk to him. We finally spoke for the first time around the end of March and have been talking quite a bit ever sense. He made it extremely clear every time we spoke that he wants me and only me and will do anything to make this work. On the positive side of all this, he did start therapy.

 

[Lawor]

Sure. But just remember..most guys will f**k anything.

 

[Gubi]

Lovely