Ex Let Herself In....

[billie]

I came home tonight with fresh SI thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. I was in my house for about five minutes when my ex poped around the corner crying. It scared me so much that I still haven't been able to calm. I have taken my meds but I am still anxious. She came over to tell me that her parents are saying they are glad we are over so now she can get with a guy. Well this is exactly what my other ex did. Add cptsd and other symptoms and I am super on edge. She doesn't get it. She has no idea what she is doing to me. But I allow people to use me. Why cant I stick up for myself? I could of really hurt her, you just can't startle people like that.

 

[Justmehere]

Oh that would scare me so badly! And how awful that she added to the scare (and possible trespass) by doing it just to tell you such a hurtful thing! You should not even need to tell someone not to do that... ugh. How awful! I hope the very natural anxiety and shock passes soon. :hug:

 

[billie]

Thanks hun just a bit shaken up still.

 

[WillyKat]

Happens to me too, where people are too thick to understand, have no inclination to try to understand, can't be made to understand, and can't stop. And it seems I attract them like flies.

Not being able to stick up for myself is another common theme. I'm getting better, but once you begin to stick up for yourself it's hard to be polite about it, it's hard to contain the anger and you end up saying things you later regret.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Oh wow @billie, what a huge violation, I'm so sorry she did that. Seriously invades your feelings of safety, security, and privacy, to name a few.

I don't know how long the two of you were together or hire long you've been broken up, but it really doesn't matter - the fact remains that her troubles/difficulties, and issues (especially those pertaining to the break up) are not yours to fix or comfort her over. She also needs to realize that the things she said/is saying to you can be very hurtful - PTSD or not! Sounds to me like she is being very selfish and inconsiderate!

If the relationship us over, it's over and she needs to have enough respect for you to take her troubles elsewhere. I say, change the locks and make it very clear to her that what she did is totally unacceptable and you will not tolerate it happening again. Set some boundaries for yourself so you can feel safe - especially in your own home! You have enough to deal with on your own.

(I hope I don't sound too harsh but that sort of behavior is so disrespectful and irritates me to no end)!

:hug: to you...

 

[nursenurse]

Change your locks. Seriously. She sounds a bit off, why twist that knife in your back, and why allow her to do so? I think she has every idea what she is doing to you. Do what you must to protect yourself and your heart.

 

[Abendroth]

I agree with what nursenurse has said :)

Hope your feeling better

 

[bell]

I agree with @nursenurse, too on changing your locks! :) Doing so is taking a first step towards standing up for yourself, sweetie, so go make that call. Now.

 

[billie]

Thanks guys I feel a bit useless writing that on here, but I really struggle with sticking up for myself.

 

[Philippa]

It takes a lot of practise finding your voice enough to stand up to someone. I've gotten better at it, but I made a commitment to use every single opportunity people threw at me to practise doing it...and it got better.

The lock change thing is a good way of setting a boundary without speaking to her. She was totally off doing what she did.

It comes with age as well...at least that is what I have found. I don't know how old you are though, so maybe it was just me?

 

[billie]

I can be ages of 9, 15 & 3 If that makes sense @Philippa. Thanks for the advice I am just not there yet.

 

[Philippa]

Makes perfect sense. I'm the same.

You'll get there I'm sure...it takes time and patience with yourself. Easier said than done I know. It's very hard when your confidence has taken a beating and you just can't seem to find your voice. It's the worst feeling...like you have let yourself down again. There were so many times I remember that I couldn't bring myself to speak up.