Experiences of divorce?

[Deanna]

Put down on paper the reasons you married her and then on the other side.. The reason you need to get out. If you are protecting the abuse she may do, then you feel sorry for her. You have to remember your kids aren't very happy right now either.

 

[The Albatross]

Um... mental health is paramount to continue regardless of what you decide. It's a no brainer or would be for me... two households at risk? Eh, no thanks.

 

[Cypress]

I am in the midst of a long divorce process from a mutually abusive relationship that will also involve me paying spousal support. I don't have any good advice except to say I know how you feel right now.

 

[HealingMama]

I have debated divorce many times because my marriage is toxic and I feel like I'm the only one really trying to get healthy. It's a hard spot to be in. Try to have the initial conversation away from the children if you can. Mediation is cheaper than lawyering up and it is better for the kids if the parents can do it cooperatively.

 

[Starfire]

Get a good attorney. Get all agreements in writing. Put yourself and kids way before him. Know it sounds expensive but the grief, aggravation in the future is well worth it. My oldest was 9 yo at the time when my attorney said let's put in he pays for college. Huh!? When that time came he had a great job, didn't want to. But oh well we had a legal agreement. He had to put both on his health insurance within thirty days of getting it. Don't assume how it is today is how it will be in the future. We both had to keep the kids as only beneficiaries of life insurance, will. Even if he remarried (he did shortly) or had other children.(he thought he did!). Even if he doesn't have life insurance today.Whether or not he is working now, get child support & alimony ordered. Neighbor married a divorced man. After a few years, put his name on her house. Shortly after court ordered the house sold to give his kids the back owed child support. Really bad part was he had told neighbor he had never been married when I'm fact she was wife #5.
Now's the time to be greedy for your kid's future. If he doesn't ever go to work, receive an inheritance, win the lottery, you will work it out somehow. If he does, he will be forced to contribute to his kids welfare. Take care.

 

[Lionheart]

My experience is probably not going to be very helpful. We had a court date, she didn't show up so I got the child visitation that I asked for and was awarded the divorce. Considering I was married for all the wrong reasons, it turned out to be a win-win situation. Hopefully others have given you good suggestions and I wish you the best.

 

[Freemartin]

Keep us posted.
:hug:

 

[somerandomguy]

There's not going to be a divorce. It's a go-to when dysregulated. I wish it wasn't off the table because that it leaves me with just one alternative if I think I need to be out of my marriage.

Maybe this thread will be useful to others.

 

[Chris-duck]

I wish it wasn't off the table because that it leaves me with just one alternative if I think I need to be out of my marriage.

What do you mean by this?

 

[The Albatross]

Word of caution, taking a wrecking ball approach can be problematic, cuz it swings both ways and with less control once things are set into motion. Kenetic energy... you're moment of retro: Dead Link Removed
If you're strong enough, solid enough to subject yourself to the ripple effect and reverb of your decisions then you've come a long way. If you haven't thought of ramifications then be careful. (Obscure reference: The Click Clack design was like the answer to a Zen riddle: two orbs attached by a common string. By holding the middle of the string and moving their hands in a constant up-and-down motion, kids caused the thick acrylic spheres to collide at the top and bottom. Aside from looking great (especially if the balls were speckled inside with glitter), the toy made a highly satisfying clacking noise that you controlled. Many a parent was driven to profanity by this hellish metronome, but that was only the start of the Click Clacks’ problems.)

My own personal experience of divorce was hellish. In fact I've recently discovered my ex and his 2nd wife are still leeching info on us - 35 years afterwards. Ain't life grand. Fortunately I don't have children (barren) but his declarations of "soul mate, no one but you" and creepy stalking/interference plague and are a side attraction at the most inopportune times. And honey, believe me... I ain't all that special.

 

[piratelady]

because that it leaves me with just one alternative if I think I need to be out of my marriage.

There is always more than one choice. How your marriage is today and how you feel today is just that -today. As impossible as it seems, there are always options to improve a situation for tomorrow.

 

[Gs172003]

There is always more than one choice. How your marriage is today and how you feel today is just that -today. As impossible as it seems, there are always options to improve a situation for tomorrow.

,^this