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In certain situations I have to tap my fingers 3 times, 5 times and 8 times - 16 times just isn't the same thing!
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Experiences Of Progress With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (ocd)
- Post starter Hashi
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- Post starter
- #14
I'm pleased for you! I really relate to what you say.
I relate to beating the eggs, too. Having a certain number of times to do something is really hard. I had that with one type of thing and the only way I could get past it was to change it. I had to switch from counting to timing, still giving myself plenty of time initially so I didn't feel like I was taking away too much "safety" (sigh). Then the time wasn't entrenched so it was easier to start reducing that. Of course my mind rumbled me straight away and started saying, "Hey, I know what you're up to, you're trying to stop me from checking and so I'm going to get anxious". I had to sweep that straight out of my mind - move swiftly on, saying to myself "no thoughts, no thoughts allowed!"
So hard. But a big relief, too. The improvement to life is worth it.
- Post starter
- #15
Since I've just referred to this thread somewhere else, I thought I'd update.
It's still getting better, and also easier. The mental effort is much less now, and the time spent on checking still decreasing. I can check to leave the house in about 20 minutes. I can check to go to bed in about 10 minutes. More and more, I feel that I genuinely know something is OK, instead of forcing myself to accept that it must be OK. I feel like I'm in actual reality rather than anxiety.
I still have to be patient and not push myself too far. It can be hard to get the balance right. If I get overambitious the anxiety kicks in. But if I keep aiming for tiny improvements, I'm managing them without it tipping me over the edge.
There's another thing that I've realised is sometimes said about OCD that I don't agree with. It's that when we're under a lot of stress it might not be the best time to try to tackle OCD symptoms. For me, it has been the best time to tackle them. It has helped with the other stress, that I've made progress with this. Even on a daily basis the effort and difficulty of working on OCD have had enough pay off to have made a positive difference. Seeing an improvement, and believing that it can and will be continuous, has helped me a lot through trauma work in therapy and coping with a new job.
It's still getting better, and also easier. The mental effort is much less now, and the time spent on checking still decreasing. I can check to leave the house in about 20 minutes. I can check to go to bed in about 10 minutes. More and more, I feel that I genuinely know something is OK, instead of forcing myself to accept that it must be OK. I feel like I'm in actual reality rather than anxiety.
I still have to be patient and not push myself too far. It can be hard to get the balance right. If I get overambitious the anxiety kicks in. But if I keep aiming for tiny improvements, I'm managing them without it tipping me over the edge.
There's another thing that I've realised is sometimes said about OCD that I don't agree with. It's that when we're under a lot of stress it might not be the best time to try to tackle OCD symptoms. For me, it has been the best time to tackle them. It has helped with the other stress, that I've made progress with this. Even on a daily basis the effort and difficulty of working on OCD have had enough pay off to have made a positive difference. Seeing an improvement, and believing that it can and will be continuous, has helped me a lot through trauma work in therapy and coping with a new job.
- Post starter
- #16
Reading a different thread made me want to come back here and do an update.
The approaches I've been using have worked really well, and I feel like I'm on the home strait with this now. I can check before bed in about 5-10 minutes, for leaving the house in about 15 minutes. (It used to be 2-3 hours for each.) I only worry about the timing for leaving the house, because I could be late for work. Apart from that I'm getting loss bothered about time because it doesn't take so much.
I went through a very negative and angry phase where instead of feeling good that things were getting better, I felt bitter and resentful that they'd been so bad before. It made me feel like it wasn't worth it, there was no point. Luckily I was still having therapy then and my therapist pointed out that it was natural to feel that way and was part of the process. This turned out to be right, because now I feel relief that it's so much better and I'm not angry about it any more.
Things have really changed inside my head. What was so difficult before was that I was unable to feel that something was OK, I just couldn't register it that something was locked or switched off. Now the ability to register is coming back. I can glance at a switch and know it's off. I can try a lock once and feel that it's all right. There are some things that I don't need to check but I feel compelled to, like checking a window is locked even though I know I haven't opened it for months. With some of the smaller things like this I don't feel a need to check them any more. This is my ultimate goal, to not check unnecessarily at all.
I'm still improving and I have a little way to go, but there's a lightness about it now. The huge mental effort I had to summon up to focus and stop it getting out of hand is no longer needed. I don't worry about things later. If it was a harder day and I've had to push myself a bit more, the anxiety only lasts about 5 minutes then I completely forget about it. I don't wake up anxious about it in the middle of the night.
It has been tricky feeling that I'm becoming irresponsible, that I'm taking it too lightly and am going to overlook something and put myself in danger. At least when I was obsessive, I knew I was obsessive and therefore would have covered everything. I have to try to stay mindful while I do check, so I don't start worrying about that - and so that I don't actually overlook something.
The most important things I've learnt have been:
- Jeffrey Schwartz's four steps (in post above)
- Reducing the compulsive actions in tiny steps. No big challenges. Patience.
- There have been three times that I've taken a bigger step - not a brutal challenge, but definitely a stride. When I've done that, I have had a lot of anxiety come up and to be honest the only way I've been able to deal with it has been by being fatalistic. I've had to accept (to me, it felt like I was accepting something real) that the worst would probably happen. I was amazed to wake up the next morning and find that I'd been safe all night after all.
- Using my frustration to motivate myself to keep working on healing from it. The bigger steps were because I simply couldn't face any more of the compulsion and what it was doing to me. Anything had to be better.
- Practising mindfulness and focus.
- General relaxation exercises during the day.
- Understanding that the following are myths:
- I do it to feel safe. If I stop that will make me feel worse.
- It's a coping mechanism that I need at the moment.
- I shouldn't try to address it when I'm under a lot of stress and anxiety.
(Addressing it has helped me a lot with other stress and anxiety.)
- Being aware that part of me was OK and I could connect to that part, even though the obsessive compulsive part started off dominant.
- It's been really hard to work on this, but it's worth it. It has really changed my life.
The approaches I've been using have worked really well, and I feel like I'm on the home strait with this now. I can check before bed in about 5-10 minutes, for leaving the house in about 15 minutes. (It used to be 2-3 hours for each.) I only worry about the timing for leaving the house, because I could be late for work. Apart from that I'm getting loss bothered about time because it doesn't take so much.
I went through a very negative and angry phase where instead of feeling good that things were getting better, I felt bitter and resentful that they'd been so bad before. It made me feel like it wasn't worth it, there was no point. Luckily I was still having therapy then and my therapist pointed out that it was natural to feel that way and was part of the process. This turned out to be right, because now I feel relief that it's so much better and I'm not angry about it any more.
Things have really changed inside my head. What was so difficult before was that I was unable to feel that something was OK, I just couldn't register it that something was locked or switched off. Now the ability to register is coming back. I can glance at a switch and know it's off. I can try a lock once and feel that it's all right. There are some things that I don't need to check but I feel compelled to, like checking a window is locked even though I know I haven't opened it for months. With some of the smaller things like this I don't feel a need to check them any more. This is my ultimate goal, to not check unnecessarily at all.
I'm still improving and I have a little way to go, but there's a lightness about it now. The huge mental effort I had to summon up to focus and stop it getting out of hand is no longer needed. I don't worry about things later. If it was a harder day and I've had to push myself a bit more, the anxiety only lasts about 5 minutes then I completely forget about it. I don't wake up anxious about it in the middle of the night.
It has been tricky feeling that I'm becoming irresponsible, that I'm taking it too lightly and am going to overlook something and put myself in danger. At least when I was obsessive, I knew I was obsessive and therefore would have covered everything. I have to try to stay mindful while I do check, so I don't start worrying about that - and so that I don't actually overlook something.
The most important things I've learnt have been:
- Jeffrey Schwartz's four steps (in post above)
- Reducing the compulsive actions in tiny steps. No big challenges. Patience.
- There have been three times that I've taken a bigger step - not a brutal challenge, but definitely a stride. When I've done that, I have had a lot of anxiety come up and to be honest the only way I've been able to deal with it has been by being fatalistic. I've had to accept (to me, it felt like I was accepting something real) that the worst would probably happen. I was amazed to wake up the next morning and find that I'd been safe all night after all.
- Using my frustration to motivate myself to keep working on healing from it. The bigger steps were because I simply couldn't face any more of the compulsion and what it was doing to me. Anything had to be better.
- Practising mindfulness and focus.
- General relaxation exercises during the day.
- Understanding that the following are myths:
- I do it to feel safe. If I stop that will make me feel worse.
- It's a coping mechanism that I need at the moment.
- I shouldn't try to address it when I'm under a lot of stress and anxiety.
(Addressing it has helped me a lot with other stress and anxiety.)
- Being aware that part of me was OK and I could connect to that part, even though the obsessive compulsive part started off dominant.
- It's been really hard to work on this, but it's worth it. It has really changed my life.
Last edited:
- Post starter
- #17
I let myself get hoovered back into the forum so I'm just going to post here and then l.e.a.v.e!
It's another update to say that the things I posted about here have really helped me and my life is very different now. I just want there to be one place (one post) on the internet that says recovery from OCD is possible, which doesn't make miracle claims about nutrition or religion.
It's hard, hard, horrible work. But it does work if you keep at it. I can't stress enough how important I feel it is not to overdo it with exposure therapy. In my experience, that simply kept me stuck, if not going backwards, whenever I pushed myself too much - especially if I wasn't also using more gentle and supportive (but very effective) approaches like mindfulness. My experience with healing has always been that it's many, many small steps taken one at a time.
I wish everyone well with healing from OCD, PTSD and any other issues.
It's another update to say that the things I posted about here have really helped me and my life is very different now. I just want there to be one place (one post) on the internet that says recovery from OCD is possible, which doesn't make miracle claims about nutrition or religion.
It's hard, hard, horrible work. But it does work if you keep at it. I can't stress enough how important I feel it is not to overdo it with exposure therapy. In my experience, that simply kept me stuck, if not going backwards, whenever I pushed myself too much - especially if I wasn't also using more gentle and supportive (but very effective) approaches like mindfulness. My experience with healing has always been that it's many, many small steps taken one at a time.
I wish everyone well with healing from OCD, PTSD and any other issues.
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