Experiencing Severe Anxiety And Overwhelming Helplessness

[woundedsoul]

I don't know what to do. My husband is refusing to sell our home, which he can no longer afford. He has not paid the mortgage in 13 months. He filed bankruptcy in Oct. and then failed to provide the attorney with any of the documentation required to succeed in bankruptcy. He also owes for unpaid taxes for many, many years. So, minimally, we owe 30,000.00 on mortgage he has not paid and estimated 30,000.00 on personal back taxes.

He forced me to file bankruptcy a week ago Thurs. because his was discharged. He didn't tell me that his bankruptcy was discharged in Jan, the lawyer just told me. Husband keeps me in the dark about all financial matters and will not issue me a bankcard so he can prevent me from running away, like I did in 2009, after he severely verbally abused me and wouldn't stop despite my begging and pleading.

He is hoping that my bankruptcy will succeed wherein his did not because I will not be asked to provide income tax forms, as I have no income because I am a stay at home mother. I was coerced into signing. The attorney advised me not to because of the impossibility of my husband being able to afford to pay back all of this debt. My husband called both of my brothers who live out of state and they one harrassed me saying, "It's a no-brainer, sign or you will be out on the street, what are you going to do then?" The atty. was advising husband to keep the 2000.00 he was using to have him represent me for first and last on an apt. we could afford. Also, atty. informed me of the figures my husband has been hiding, that he has $400.00/week to live on after he pays mortgage and back taxes to the trustee. We are a family of four. We cannot live on 400.00/week.

I do not know if my husband is mentally ill. Possibly bi-polar, but I have begged and pleaded with him to sell this house since he first lost his job in 2006. He refused and continues to refuse. The thought of being homeless, and I mean on the street homeless, as we have no one to help us, or that will help us, is causing my PTSD to skyrocket to heights of which I have never experienced. My fear is so great and I cannot control it. I can't breathe, my heart palipates out of control feel like I'm going to pass out and I am physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted. I can't function. I can't do anything. I can't be a good mother. I just sit in my room, hoping he will come to his senses, knowing he will not, and I feel like I can't bear this another second. The fear is overwhelming me. I have tried to repress and suppress all of it. But I need an outlet. The medicine I take for PTSD, 2 ativan's per day, one in the morning, one at night for sleep isn't effective. I cannot and will not take antidepressants. I am a ball of fear.........beyond imagination fear. Nobody will help me get my husband to reason. I am scared and alone and so afraid. I hide in my room (lousy mother) to try to protect myself.......I can't function like this. My poor children and I have no choice but to follow this man straight to hell. I can't stand this anymore. I feel helpless and hopeless.

 

[Meadowsweet]

(((woundedsoul))) I'm sorry I can't give any real help. But you have here to vent and people to listen

 

[kapril]

Wounded Soul, My heart reaches out to you in your fear, isolation, anxiety, and panic. I have some suggestions, but not solutions.

First of all talking to a therapist or counselor might help you. I can only speak of my own experiences, but when I talk with my therapist he helps me to get grounded, feel safe, and take things one step at a time. I wasn't sure if you are seeing one or not, but if you are, the place you find yourself right now with regards to how you feel warrants a phone call to him/her very soon, weekend or not. Please talk to a therapist about how you feel, your medication, your isolation, your fear, hopelessness, and your children. This might help you not feel so alone, helpless, hopeless. He/she will help you figure out the choices that you do have so you won't feel so helpless. Some of the choices will be difficult, but your therapist can provide the support you need to go through them.

I also have PTSD, the Complex kind, and am on anitdepressants along with an anti-anxiety medication. These are medications, that's all. I am still me. I can share with you that my life has been much better since a psychiatrist long ago found a mix that works for me. That took a long time, many suicide attempts, hospitalizations, etc. I'm concerned about you and your children. Please reach out for help, call a therapist, or even go to the local emergency room if desperation and hopelessness overwhelm you.

Everything looks hopeless right now, and I know how that feels, because I've been there. Things tend to look even worse to those of us who view things from our PTSD glasses.

I believe there is always hope. I didn't always believe that, but my therapist has taught me that during the past three years through all of my fear, isolation, flashbacks, disociation, acting out, self destructive behaviors, etc.

Woundedsoul, there is hope, please hear me. My heart reaches out to you and your children. I wish I could hug through this forum, but I am trying, and I hope you can feel my hug, concerns, and hopes for you.

<Edited quote, and added paragraph breaks.>

 

[woundedsoul]

Thank you both for the support.

Kapril, Thank you so much for the compassion and understanding, it meant so much to me. I have just started therapy and she is aware of these problems and trying to help me. I just felt overwhelmed and very alone, thank you for making me not feel alone.

 

[evergreen]

I don't understand. If his bankruptcy was discharged, that is a good thing. It means it went through.

I do wish the best for you and pray you find the answers.

 

[hoping-to-heal]

This sounds exactly like my father...I understand completely what you are going through and what kind of person you are dealing with. The fact is, is that you have to get a hold of the warrior inside of you and take charge of your situation in order to change it...whatever it takes, only you know what that is. All that you need to worry about in life is you and your children. If he is mentally ill-which in my opinion sounds like he very well may be- then he needs professional help in which you may be able to help him find. If he refuses though and the behavior continues or you find that, in any case, your quality of life is not adequate, then you should eliminate this from your life and work toward a positive direction. I wish you all the strength for this, as strength is what it will take to grab that bull by the horns.

Our major priority should always be our children and I do understand that in these times, it can be damn hard to do. You have already shown that you are a very good mom in that you are trying to find solutions and have taken the steps in dealing with your situation. You know as well as I, that if we don't try we will surely fail.

I am not sure about your income availabilities as I am not sure where you reside, but In Canada, there are many resources available to single mothers. I would suggest looking into all your resources if you have not done so already. I know this is a hard path, but it will be a brighter path than the one to hell. Only you can help yourself, but we are all here to help with the support you so definitely require. I wish you all the luck there is...take care of yourself and best wishes to you and your family.

 

[Hashi]

My poor children and I have no choice but to follow this man straight to hell.

I understand that it can feel like that, but it's not your only choice. If you've been trying to deal with this all alone, I'm not surprised you feel helpless and hopeless. This is too difficult to do alone. Please seek out all the help you can and take it.

I'm glad you've told your therapist. What you say about your husband's behaviour (verbal aggression, refusing access to finances, coercion) is abuse. Can you therapist put you in touch with an organisation that supports women who are being abused? They would be able to advise you on your options and support you through this.

In my view, whether your husband is mentally ill or not is not the issue. In fact he's probably benefitting from your concerns over this, which will allow him to manipulate you further because you're trying to make things OK, or help him, or find excuses for what he does. What matters is that his behaviour is severely damaging to you and your children.

Your husband can seek help if he needs it - that's not your responsibility. It's not your responsibility to get your husband to see reason - you've tried that, he's had plenty of chances, you don't need to give him any more. Your responsibility is to seek help for yourself and your children, and I hope you can do this.

I know it can be very difficult to find strength when you're in a situation like this. Your self-esteem gets eroded and the stress makes it hard to do anything. So please let people like your therapist support you in seeing what your options are and getting the practical and emotional help you need.

 

[woundedsoul]

Thank you for your response Hashi.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Woundedsoul)))

Can you take you and your kids to a woman's shelter? I know it is not the best solution but I was thinking of a safe place to go. You do not have to follow your husband. He needs help and I'm afraid until he hits bottom, he will continue to be in denial of reality. He has all of the power and control and this is adding to your aggravated stresses and worries.

My heart goes out to you and to your children. It is hard being the grown-up with ptsd. I know I am a caregiver 24/7 with a husband with parkinsons and lewy body dementia. I have to be the grown up and do everything because he can't.

I am glad you wrote about this stuff going on. I am glad you are seeing someone to advise you. It sucks that you do not have more support. I am in your position of not having support. It all depends on me.

This has been going on for a long time; I know you do not have any money. Can you go to welfare? I do not know where you live. I am in the US.

You have to get the ball rolling. I do not understand the legal things you are going through. Is your name on the house? Mabe you could list it with a realitor if your name is on the house. I am just trying to come up with some tangible things you could do. It sounds like your husband needs alot of help. He is not being cooperative. So it is all up to you.

I am concerned for you, are you able to eat regularly and are you able to get some decent rest?

I know it is terryifying what you are going through. How old are your kids? I was a stay at home mom too. So I know how hard it is to get a job. But mabe you could do a job search online.

My heart just goes out to you. You are in my prayers. Big hug to you while you go through this stuff. be safe. I am so worried and concerned for you. Keep on posting and keep us updated. more heads can come up with real solutions. Don't give up. You are not alone.