I grew up in a very disfunctional family. I agree that honesty is really your best way out of reliving your past. You will probably have less anxiety if your true to your self. We tend to let others dictate our destiny through fear, and rejection. That is how were programed.
My grandmother who is still alive at age 97. Is still the leader of the pact.{our family} Very self centered, every thing is about her. But to here her talk she says she is so loving and done so much for all of us we owe her. I was trapped for years wanting to prove to her that I was good enough. That is really insanity.
What happened to me that really started a new cycle was. 4 years ago my mother passed a way. We had a lot of unresolved issues. She had a major stroke about 10 yrs before she died. All the family tried to help her, but her addictions were to much for me. And we finnally put her in an assisted living home. Every time I got a call from her it was something she needed. I gave and gave till I was empty. But at this point I was the only one helping her. Every body else gave up. Long story short I got power of attorney over her, because she wanted me to have it. She had lost every thing, she owned nothing. But she talked about what she wanted at the end of her life and I was prepared to help her. We did work through alot of our issues before she passed a way. The night she passed away I felt a strong urge to go see her. She was on hospice, and hadnt talked the past couple of days;When I got there I turned her radio up, to soothing christian music, talked to her, prayed for her. I didn't know if she could here me. I started rubbing her head the way I use to when I was a kid. It helped her with her headaches. As soon as I started, she called my name. She did know I was there. I knew she didn't have long but I started to begin my grieving at that moment. I wept for all she gave me and I wept for all she couldn't give me growing up. After a while I felt peace and wen't home. At midnight I got the call she was gone.
All of this is leading up to what I chose to do that began finding my true self. I had power of attorney and was trying to talk to my grandma about what my mom want'ed. My grandma had her own plans. She got a few other family members and an attorney. To try and discredit me from planning my moms funeral. I really did try to compromise. It all got so intense, I decided to just let go and give her what she wanted.I had said goodbye to my mom and I knew she was at peace. And she wouldn't want all the drama. So I told my family to go a head and do whatever they wanted. I also told them that , I would not be there nor my children. It was a really difficult decision to make. I knew the family would judge me for not going. And they did. They really were very unkind. Whether I went or didn't that wouldn't change them. If they were going to be hatefull I didn't want to expose my kids to it. We didn't go and they all chose to judge me and I don't speak to any of them. Because they disowned me. I'm not considered Part of their family anymore. Yes it bothered me at first. But now I see I didn't need all their drama. And it all worked out for the best. I focus on my true family now. My self my husband and my children. I want to break the cycle of my past.
I hope this can help you to see that family is people who will support you. Not push you and make you feel guilty. You have your family your child to think of. I think its time to let go of the trying to make everybody else happy. And protect yourself and your child from any further abuse. You sound like you really have a lot of wisdom and strength. You just need to be around people who will bring the best out of you. And support you,
My grandmother who is still alive at age 97. Is still the leader of the pact.{our family} Very self centered, every thing is about her. But to here her talk she says she is so loving and done so much for all of us we owe her. I was trapped for years wanting to prove to her that I was good enough. That is really insanity.
What happened to me that really started a new cycle was. 4 years ago my mother passed a way. We had a lot of unresolved issues. She had a major stroke about 10 yrs before she died. All the family tried to help her, but her addictions were to much for me. And we finnally put her in an assisted living home. Every time I got a call from her it was something she needed. I gave and gave till I was empty. But at this point I was the only one helping her. Every body else gave up. Long story short I got power of attorney over her, because she wanted me to have it. She had lost every thing, she owned nothing. But she talked about what she wanted at the end of her life and I was prepared to help her. We did work through alot of our issues before she passed a way. The night she passed away I felt a strong urge to go see her. She was on hospice, and hadnt talked the past couple of days;When I got there I turned her radio up, to soothing christian music, talked to her, prayed for her. I didn't know if she could here me. I started rubbing her head the way I use to when I was a kid. It helped her with her headaches. As soon as I started, she called my name. She did know I was there. I knew she didn't have long but I started to begin my grieving at that moment. I wept for all she gave me and I wept for all she couldn't give me growing up. After a while I felt peace and wen't home. At midnight I got the call she was gone.
All of this is leading up to what I chose to do that began finding my true self. I had power of attorney and was trying to talk to my grandma about what my mom want'ed. My grandma had her own plans. She got a few other family members and an attorney. To try and discredit me from planning my moms funeral. I really did try to compromise. It all got so intense, I decided to just let go and give her what she wanted.I had said goodbye to my mom and I knew she was at peace. And she wouldn't want all the drama. So I told my family to go a head and do whatever they wanted. I also told them that , I would not be there nor my children. It was a really difficult decision to make. I knew the family would judge me for not going. And they did. They really were very unkind. Whether I went or didn't that wouldn't change them. If they were going to be hatefull I didn't want to expose my kids to it. We didn't go and they all chose to judge me and I don't speak to any of them. Because they disowned me. I'm not considered Part of their family anymore. Yes it bothered me at first. But now I see I didn't need all their drama. And it all worked out for the best. I focus on my true family now. My self my husband and my children. I want to break the cycle of my past.
I hope this can help you to see that family is people who will support you. Not push you and make you feel guilty. You have your family your child to think of. I think its time to let go of the trying to make everybody else happy. And protect yourself and your child from any further abuse. You sound like you really have a lot of wisdom and strength. You just need to be around people who will bring the best out of you. And support you,
