Exploring Safety To Be Present

[Seasounds]

Hard days. Feel trapped in chronic loss. Wish I felt free to move on my own home.

 

[Seasounds]

On a slow day at work, I thought I could go without my anxiety medication. (The busier at work, the worst my anxiety.) I was really wrong. Still recouping from that deep dip, where I was so despairing that "nothing matters", came out of my mouth, I'm about 50% better. My body memory, of being raped, in a crowd-family, is what gets triggered, and this is what needs releasing. Back to the drawing board, and using my meds.

 

[Seasounds]

A new level of being able to consistently associate is arising. I have taken out all people from my personal circle who had anger flares triggered me, I have added a 'relational' meditation, to my usual meditations, I have had the learning of MM more deeply ingrained in me-so that I notice a mild or severe threat sooner, I respond sooner-rather than freezing, and I have had an awakening of having an embodied somatic response to things-that helps guide me (this is added to and different from my cognitive and hypersensitive alarm mechanisms.