littleoc
MyPTSD Pro
This is an extremely sensitive issue for me. Apologies in advanced for vagueness.
I have an extremely strong trigger that has the ability to ruin entire weeks for me. It’s one I haven’t told any therapist why I have, but have mentioned it to one years ago. My therapist at the time claimed that the trigger was so peculiar that I would never need to have it treated nor worked on, especially since it would be more distressing to work on it compared to the payoff of not having the trigger.
Unfortunately, I have suddenly been shoved into a world where it is a nearly daily occurrence, and I can’t talk about it, and I’m losing my mind. I’m having intense nightmares, OCD attacks where I shower several times and wash my clothes until they disintegrate, I’ve been spraying perfume everywhere that I may be allergic to, and occasionally it’s getting to me so powerfully that I am losing my sense of the present and believing I am a young child. Even my dog is dysregulated here and has difficulty getting to me. I am attempting to hide it daily because the person I live with would feel ashamed.
I can’t move out immediately, so what I’m looking for is advice on how to not lose my mind. I will not explain how I got this trigger, to be clear, but I will admit (with a huge fear of judgement) that the trigger is feces related. In the house I’m in, it always smells like feces. The person who lives here (if you know who from my other posts, please do NOT identify this person besides “person you live with”) is not a clean person.
I was away for nearly five years and this person did not even make sure litter boxes were scooped. They were overflowing and cats were going anywhere else, and that wasn’t being cleaned up either. For a while my bird’s poo needed to be examined daily. Worse yet, and the part that’s causing the most harm, the person I live with keeps pooping themselves, VERY often. And the smell gets through the entire house and I am not allowed to react. I shower nightly and last night pooped pants were just sitting on the shower curtain rail and I had to fight the urge to self harm until four in the morning. I showered several times and was terrified of touching the floor. While I was dysregulated due to a lack of medication (town storage) I ended up completely losing it due to this trigger and a few other major ones (shootings, etc).
Sometimes I will be in public with this person and the person will just.... crap themselves. And smell triggering. And I’m not allowed to react. Would be shaming behavior. The person won’t see a doctor over it. Seems to be related to high blood sugar that the person just don’t address.
For the record, this person is a nice person and seems embarrassed, but will randomly start telling me about the issue in a way that the person would be deeply offended if I said I couldn’t handle the topic. This person likes to talk about my PTSD but act like it mean nothing.
What do I do? I’m sorry that this topic is so gross and disturbing. Thanks for baring with me.
I have an extremely strong trigger that has the ability to ruin entire weeks for me. It’s one I haven’t told any therapist why I have, but have mentioned it to one years ago. My therapist at the time claimed that the trigger was so peculiar that I would never need to have it treated nor worked on, especially since it would be more distressing to work on it compared to the payoff of not having the trigger.
Unfortunately, I have suddenly been shoved into a world where it is a nearly daily occurrence, and I can’t talk about it, and I’m losing my mind. I’m having intense nightmares, OCD attacks where I shower several times and wash my clothes until they disintegrate, I’ve been spraying perfume everywhere that I may be allergic to, and occasionally it’s getting to me so powerfully that I am losing my sense of the present and believing I am a young child. Even my dog is dysregulated here and has difficulty getting to me. I am attempting to hide it daily because the person I live with would feel ashamed.
I can’t move out immediately, so what I’m looking for is advice on how to not lose my mind. I will not explain how I got this trigger, to be clear, but I will admit (with a huge fear of judgement) that the trigger is feces related. In the house I’m in, it always smells like feces. The person who lives here (if you know who from my other posts, please do NOT identify this person besides “person you live with”) is not a clean person.
I was away for nearly five years and this person did not even make sure litter boxes were scooped. They were overflowing and cats were going anywhere else, and that wasn’t being cleaned up either. For a while my bird’s poo needed to be examined daily. Worse yet, and the part that’s causing the most harm, the person I live with keeps pooping themselves, VERY often. And the smell gets through the entire house and I am not allowed to react. I shower nightly and last night pooped pants were just sitting on the shower curtain rail and I had to fight the urge to self harm until four in the morning. I showered several times and was terrified of touching the floor. While I was dysregulated due to a lack of medication (town storage) I ended up completely losing it due to this trigger and a few other major ones (shootings, etc).
Sometimes I will be in public with this person and the person will just.... crap themselves. And smell triggering. And I’m not allowed to react. Would be shaming behavior. The person won’t see a doctor over it. Seems to be related to high blood sugar that the person just don’t address.
For the record, this person is a nice person and seems embarrassed, but will randomly start telling me about the issue in a way that the person would be deeply offended if I said I couldn’t handle the topic. This person likes to talk about my PTSD but act like it mean nothing.
What do I do? I’m sorry that this topic is so gross and disturbing. Thanks for baring with me.