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D
Deleted member 34561
I didn't expect any sympathy Eve. That's not why I posted this stuff. I know I responded to my kid's plight wrongly. I can handle the backlash because I was expecting it and because I know I deserve it. I let my kid down terribly and I am wracked with guilt and shame and would do anything to make it up to her but I know I can't because I made a mistake that can't be undone. The worse thing about all this is that I too was abused in the same way in my own birth family growing up. If anyone should have been aware of these things it should have been me. So I fully understand your anger and disgust at my past behaviour because believe you me I'm angry and disgusted at myself for being such a blind f*cking fool. You can't beat me up or make me feel worse about myself more than I already beat myself up or hate myself over all this trust me on that. I'm so sorry for all the people on here that weren't believed as kids over their own abuse. I wasn't believed either about my stuff either. And I never dealt with that before what happened with my kid so maybe that's why I repeated it (the denial and disbelief I mean) with her. I didn't know any better. I watched my dad not believe me over my mum and brothers. Perhaps that's where I learnt that behaviour from. I bloody well do know better now. I know it's too late though. I can't say anything else right now. Except I'm really sorry for offending or upsetting people on here by sharing this painful stuff. I know why I denied my kid now. It just hurt too much. But my kid's pain was much much greater. I failed them terribly and I must pay the price for that. I accept that fully. I'm sorry.