General F*ing Facebook!

[Casey_03]

This is the guy who wasn't actually diagnosed with PTSD? Who you just assume has PTSD? Who told you he was depressed and needed time cause he hadn't yet grieved the loss of his 10-year marriage? I'm sorry, but I still think you are jumping to conclusions here about his "isolation" being from PTSD and not just a natural need to think about the relationship or get over his last one. To be honest, as a PTSD sufferer, I find it slightly insulting that you are attributing all of his behavior to PTSD when you admitted that he never actually said he has PTSD, nor was he ever diagnosed with it. In your previous posts, you said you "thought he might have PTSD" because he had a hard time talking about emotions. There are enough stereotypes about PTSD already, so it's sad to see PTSD being blamed any time someone has a hard time with someone who has served in the military. A man said he needs time to think? Gee, must be PTSD, it certainly can't be anything normal like actually needing time to think. If he really does have PTSD, it's even more insulting, because then it's like saying his request for space isn't valid and is just a symptom of a disease, not something to be taken seriously. For Christ's sake, he just found out his son is developmentally delayed and he's being sent overseas so he won't be around to help his own son deal with this .... that's enough for anyone to need time to think, and here you are projecting fantasies of PTSD onto the guy instead of taking him at his word. I realize the whole situation came as a shock to you and you crave some sort of explanation, but from your posts on here, I get the impression that you simply refuse to respect the explanation he already gave you, and are instead looking for some alternative explanation that will make you feel better. It just seems disrespectful and invalidating towards him for you to do this. I know the anxiety can't be making it any easier, and maybe that is making you overthink things. But it seems like the more you obsess over the situation, the deeper you dig and the further you become from just accepting things, respecting the guy's needs and focusing on yourself. This is just my opinion and I may be wrong, obviously, I don't know the guy like you do. But even regardless of whether or not this guy has PTSD, you definitely need to focus more on yourself and stop obsessing so much, find a hobby or something to channel all of this anxious energy into.

 

[Slw4789]

Yes I have considered the fact that this may not be ptsd and he just needs space and time to think and get over his marriage but you have no right to talk to me like I am an idiot or tell me I am obsessing over things. I do have hobbies, I do go out with my friends, I try to do everything I can to keep myself busy when I'm not at work because being at home is hard right now because I am so used to him being there. I am also in therapy to help me cope with this and to help with my anxiety disorder that makes me literally worry about everything, especially the unknown.(my therapist used to be a therapist at the VA and has dealt with ptsd sufferers and she believes he has ptsd). So yes maybe I am obsessing, maybe he doesn't have ptsd, maybe he does and just hasn't told me in fear that I would leave,(it was months before he told me he had been in anger management and counseling through the VA)maybe he wont come back, maybe he will. My life revolves around me being anxious and constant worrying and wondering what if all the time so if me coming on here and learning about something he may or may not have makes me feel better then I have a right to do that. I don't mean to insult anyone with ptsd by thinking he has it but I have my reasons for thinking he does. Yes the majority of this started around veterans day and anniversaries but I don't think his marriage splitting up or his son being diagnosed has anything to do with him completely freaking out during thunderstorms and having nightmares(maybe you missed those in some of my other posts). I don't put a lot of time in talking about those because those symptoms weren't new and weren't the reason he left. I came here to try and learn about ptsd in case he does have it so I will know what to do and what not to do in case he comes back, I already made the mistake of contacting him after a week of being gone and I don't want to make another mistake that could push him away more. So I am sorry if I am insulting you because you are a sufferer and he(to my knowledge) has not been diagnosed, but you are insulting me by saying I am obsessing and I should focus on something else when all I am trying to do is get information and be prepared for what i am dealing with in case he comes back and does have it. Also it is comforting to be somewhere talking to people who are going through similar circumstances whether it be ptsd or not, and I know I am not the only one on here whose "sufferer" has not been formerly diagnosed and im sure those people are trying trying to do the same thing I am and try to be prepared to help someone we love.

 

[Casey_03]

I don't see how I was insulting you. I never said you were an idiot, and me saying you were "obsessing" is an observation from your posts -- an observation I clearly said was just my own opinion. I don't think it makes you an idiot and I don't see it as an insult -- I've told other posters on here when I think they are obsessing, and I have criticized myself when I obsess. This is a forum where we are all entitled to post our thoughts -- that is all I was doing. No one said you don't have a right to post here, I certainly didn't. My point was that you seem to be jumping to conclusions about the PTSD; nowhere did I say you should not be learning about it or asking questions. By all means, ask away and vent away. But I don't think you should just assume he has PTSD and then present your situation as if he has been diagnosed. You went from saying you thought he might have it to saying he definitely does have it and this is an isolation phase -- to me, that is jumping to conclusions. That was my main point. My other point was that it seems invalidating towards him to simply attribute everything to PTSD based on your own diagnosis of him. It just doesn't seem healthy for you or for him, or for the relationship. I think it is great that you are learning and trying to understand him, I really do, but my point is that I don't think that's all you are doing ... I think a lot of this is you trying to help yourself, not him. Again, this is my opinion, I am not trying to insult you. But you did post on an Internet forum where people are invited to offer their opinions and feedback. That is my feedback, and if anything, it is intended to help you, not insult you.