Smile
MyPTSD Pro
Hi guys,
I grew up in NYC. Was living in NYC until diagnosed with PTSD & GAD 7 years ago. I was working a full time job. My life fell apart within about 2 months. I lost my job that I had loved too.
2 weeks after losing job I moved to Florida, git in my car & drove there. Even though I was homeless in the beginning (sleeping in my car), I felt such a massive sense of relief! Of course I still had triggers but I was able to leave SO MANY behind in noisy, dirty NY. AND I left behind all my family drama because a lot of the family are in NY (most difficult one being “Mother”).
A little over 2 years ago I was forced to come back to NY because I just couldn’t make it financially. While in Florida I got SSDI & I managed to get a job working for a (mostly) food delivery company. It worked for my situation because I wasn’t locked up in an office building, I had my own car (leased) so I had the freedom of doing this job and living in said car till I could afford an apartment which I did. AND I was able to set my own hours every day which was amazing because if I was having a hard day & not able to get out of bed or my house, I just didn’t have to work. And when I couldn’t sleep at night (insomnia) I had the option of working then.
But after a few years the days I wasn’t able to work outweighed the working days. Add to that that I had absolutely NO health insurance and I felt I had no choice but to move back in with the queen of my triggers, my mother, in NY in her tiny 2 bedroom apartment.
She’s been getting progressively harder & harder to live with. We just had an argument & she felt like I was attacking her (I wasn’t) & that’s when her claws come out. Her words were so mean. It was extra hurtful because she MEANT for them to be just that, mean. It’s not like it happened by mistake (hahaha, oh how I wish!). It’s also twisted and screws with my head because she argues with me the exact same way she did with her husband, my dad, until he died (lucky him... for not having to deal with her anymore).
So she’s not treating me like her child but more like her spouse?? So creepy and 100% unhealthy.
I don’t claim to be perfect in all of this but I NEVER set out to intentionally hurt her and I always apologize when it mistakenly does happen.
Which brings me to my point/question. I MUST MUST MUST get out of here and back to Florida (my whole apartment is still in a storage room there). I would of gone last week but about 1 year ago I got rid of my car because I couldn’t afford it. But if I still had a car, I would have just up and driven back there. Anywhere but here, near her. She’s poisonous.
I can’t get a car because my credit is shot. But even if I could, I can’t afford the car payments.
So my question: I know that SSDI has some sort of program where they’ll set you up with a job and you’re put on a trial run to see if you can manage it? And during this trial period your SSDI money is not affected. Is this correct?
I’m wondering if anyone’s done this, how it went for you & if you know how to go about doing it? Can I get started from a different state?
Does SSDI help with getting a car? An apartment?
I also have a small chunk of money coming out of my monthly SSDI to pay for Medicare. I saw online that if you’re eligible, they pay your Medicare monthly payment ... do you know about that?
I don’t even know if I can move back because of corona but I think I can because it’s not like I’d be a new resident there... I already lived there. And like I mentioned before, all my possessions are there.
Any advice would be sooo greatly appreciated! Crazy Mother is making me feel crazier than I already am... she’s slowly beating me down to a pulp. At this point I can’t tell the difference between what are my issues and what are my issues with her or being caused by her.
Ahhhh! HELP!!
Thank you & I truly hope you’re all physically safe and mentally dealing with pandemic craziness “ok” (I mean, really, is there anyone sane left at this point? ?)
I grew up in NYC. Was living in NYC until diagnosed with PTSD & GAD 7 years ago. I was working a full time job. My life fell apart within about 2 months. I lost my job that I had loved too.
2 weeks after losing job I moved to Florida, git in my car & drove there. Even though I was homeless in the beginning (sleeping in my car), I felt such a massive sense of relief! Of course I still had triggers but I was able to leave SO MANY behind in noisy, dirty NY. AND I left behind all my family drama because a lot of the family are in NY (most difficult one being “Mother”).
A little over 2 years ago I was forced to come back to NY because I just couldn’t make it financially. While in Florida I got SSDI & I managed to get a job working for a (mostly) food delivery company. It worked for my situation because I wasn’t locked up in an office building, I had my own car (leased) so I had the freedom of doing this job and living in said car till I could afford an apartment which I did. AND I was able to set my own hours every day which was amazing because if I was having a hard day & not able to get out of bed or my house, I just didn’t have to work. And when I couldn’t sleep at night (insomnia) I had the option of working then.
But after a few years the days I wasn’t able to work outweighed the working days. Add to that that I had absolutely NO health insurance and I felt I had no choice but to move back in with the queen of my triggers, my mother, in NY in her tiny 2 bedroom apartment.
She’s been getting progressively harder & harder to live with. We just had an argument & she felt like I was attacking her (I wasn’t) & that’s when her claws come out. Her words were so mean. It was extra hurtful because she MEANT for them to be just that, mean. It’s not like it happened by mistake (hahaha, oh how I wish!). It’s also twisted and screws with my head because she argues with me the exact same way she did with her husband, my dad, until he died (lucky him... for not having to deal with her anymore).
So she’s not treating me like her child but more like her spouse?? So creepy and 100% unhealthy.
I don’t claim to be perfect in all of this but I NEVER set out to intentionally hurt her and I always apologize when it mistakenly does happen.
Which brings me to my point/question. I MUST MUST MUST get out of here and back to Florida (my whole apartment is still in a storage room there). I would of gone last week but about 1 year ago I got rid of my car because I couldn’t afford it. But if I still had a car, I would have just up and driven back there. Anywhere but here, near her. She’s poisonous.
I can’t get a car because my credit is shot. But even if I could, I can’t afford the car payments.
So my question: I know that SSDI has some sort of program where they’ll set you up with a job and you’re put on a trial run to see if you can manage it? And during this trial period your SSDI money is not affected. Is this correct?
I’m wondering if anyone’s done this, how it went for you & if you know how to go about doing it? Can I get started from a different state?
Does SSDI help with getting a car? An apartment?
I also have a small chunk of money coming out of my monthly SSDI to pay for Medicare. I saw online that if you’re eligible, they pay your Medicare monthly payment ... do you know about that?
I don’t even know if I can move back because of corona but I think I can because it’s not like I’d be a new resident there... I already lived there. And like I mentioned before, all my possessions are there.
Any advice would be sooo greatly appreciated! Crazy Mother is making me feel crazier than I already am... she’s slowly beating me down to a pulp. At this point I can’t tell the difference between what are my issues and what are my issues with her or being caused by her.
Ahhhh! HELP!!
Thank you & I truly hope you’re all physically safe and mentally dealing with pandemic craziness “ok” (I mean, really, is there anyone sane left at this point? ?)