Fantasy, Masturbation And Trauma?

[Pinecone]

I am a survivor of ctrauma and some sexual harassment. I feel really confusion and shame around sex. It occurred to me recently that I literally never masturbate though I do have sexual fantasies - which I feel a enormous guilt around. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I do think that my trauma has affected this.

 

[Mit]

Hi Pinecone - I believe it is not uncommon to have sexual fantasises, (whether acted on or not) particularly in relation to sexual abuse. I do understand your feelings of guilt, although they are misplaced. My understanding is that sexual fantasises can be a way of coping with the trauma of abuse, although it is not necessarily a helpful or productive coping mechanism.

I developed some psychosexual difficulties in response to childhood trauma. Unlike you however I do act out abusive sexual fantasies on myself (in private and in secret). Like you I feel enormous guilt and deep shame by the thoughts and acts, but I have been unable to stop or control it since I started doing this, in my teens (many decades ago).

It is something that a good therapist could help you with. If you are not receiving help form a therapist currently I would encourage you to consider it at least. You are certainly not alone or unusual in reacting and feeling this way, so I hope you can take some comfort from that at least.

Best wishes

 

[Pinecone]

Hi Pinecone - I believe it is not uncommon to have sexual fantasises, (whether acted on or not) particularl...

Thanks Mit! I think it's kinda like the sex I would like to have if I wasn't so, inhibited.
Has anyone here ever talked about this with their therapist? I would feel so awkward talking about sex to mine, or to anyone. Like I am sure my T wouldn't mind but still.

 

[Naoru]

Has anyone here ever talked about this with their therapist? I would feel so awkward talking about sex to mine

Fantasies and masturbation are not something I have discussed with my t, but sex in general? Yes, it is directly linked to my trauma(s). She is incredibly supportive and is generally the one to bring up the topic as it can be difficult for me to initiate the discussion. She is very direct and calm, but she allows me to speak around things at my comfort level.

I also recommend attempting to broach the subject with your therapist. S/he will probably guide you and make you feel as comfortable as possible. You might also try writing your concerns down and having your t read it - might be easier. Good luck.

 

[Fadeaway]

It can be awkward talking about sex at first but the more you talk about it, the less awkward it becomes. I used to be horribly ashamed of my fantasies. As a CSA and rape survivor I had rape and BDSM fantasies that disturbed the crap out me. Then I learned it was totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Sexual fantasies even seemingly disturbing ones can actually be healthy by putting you in control of something that previously made you feel helpless. By controlling the setting in your mind it gives you some power back.

 

[Mit]

I think it's kinda like the sex I would like to have if I wasn't so, inhibited.

I can relate to that, very much.

I have discussed my psychosexual problems at length and in detail with a number of therapists. Due to the nature of my problems, the generalist therapists have struggled with helping me, and have been honest about their lack of expertise. I paid privately to see a therapist who specialised in sexual problems. I couldn't afford to see her for very long, and to be honest I didn't really gel with her, although she was highly experienced and qualified.

But therapists are generally familiar with reactions to sexual abuse, and wouldn't be surprised at all. If your reaction is upsetting you I'm sure it would be a positive step to talk to a good therapist.