I never imagined i would be typing on one of these but here i am. I am 20 years old but was 19 at time of accident. I...
Hi Shy Wolf,
I'm pretty sure I understand at least some of what you're feeling. For one thing I am very familiar with crying while driving alone. It's been fifteen years and that's still a problem. I hope you find someone to talk to and feel better soon.
I wrote down my story for the first time just this week. It follows below. I saw a therapist last week for the first time. That's what prompted me to write the story.
Sorry for the coarse language and graphic details but that's part of the story.
Warmest regards,
John
This is my best recollection of the events of the afternoon of February 9th, 2003. I remember some of the details like it happened yesterday and others not at all.
I was at Mt. Hood Meadows ski area for a giant slalom race that day. I had the best race of my young racing career and couldn’t have been more pleased. Following the after race party in the lodge I started driving home in my Dodge RAM 2500 truck. It was a pretty large truck with a substantial grill guard on the front. I remember I was listening to a Stevie Wonder CD.
Traffic was moderate, ebbing and flowing as I passed through Government Camp and a little beyond. I was traveling west on Hwy 26.
Without any warning a vehicle appeared directly in front of me. They had lost control while traveling in the other direction and come across the centerline. We collided violently. I don’t think I even had a chance to hit the brakes. My truck was traveling around 50-55 mph at the time of impact. I’d been in accidents before including a rollover two years earlier also on Hwy 26. This was much different. It happened in an instant.
I pulled over to the right shoulder. Next I saw the other vehicle nosed into the guard rail on the far side of the highway. The force of the impact sent them all the way back across the road and into the guardrail.
I jumped out of my truck and ran over to their vehicle. The small black truck was hit extremely hard on the driver’s side. The impact was centered just behind the driver’s door. My grill guard on my big diesel pushed well into the passenger space buckling their truck.
When I looked inside I saw two people. Both of them were girls/young women. I would later learn they were eighteen years old. Each was slumped inward with the driver on top of the passenger. Neither of them were moving. In retrospect it was at this point I feel like I started internally self-destructing.
The driver had her long hair pulled back into a ponytail. There was blood running from her nose. I didn’t see any other injuries, just that she and the passenger were not moving at all.
I stepped away from the demolished truck. A woman across the road asked me if anyone was hurt. I yelled back something like “yes, very much”. I later came to learn the girl’s truck had hit her Volkswagen first before colliding with my truck.
The next thing I remember is walking across the highway towards my truck yelling “f*ck, f*ck f*ck!” over and over again. I called 911 and there was no answer or a busy signal, I don’t recall which. I hung up. They called back a few moments later. I told them there had been a serious accident and we needed life flight. She told me the accident had already been reported. She added that life flight was on standby. I don’t remember if we discussed anything else.
By this time another driver stopped to help us. He parked his SUV in front of my truck. I remember this because at some point my truck rolled into the back of his vehicle. It turned out that the damage to my truck caused the transmission to slip out of Park allowing it to roll away.
I don’t remember the police or fire department arriving. My next memory is being in the passenger seat of one of the emergency vehicles. I was hysterical, totally overwhelmed by what was going on, shattered into a million little pieces.
The EMT was concerned I was injured. I told him I was fine but he nevertheless checked me. I remember him running his hands over my arms and legs. I was wearing ski clothing so that probably made it harder to see/tell if I was hurt. I have no idea how much time had passed.
I could see out the front window they were attending to the passenger from the truck. She was lying motionless on the ground. I also learned the driver was dead at some point.
A chaplain came over and spoke to me. He must have been affiliated with the fire department. He gave me his contact information and encouraged me to call him if I wanted to talk. I never did.
The passenger was taken to the hospital by Life Flight. She would recover from a head injury.
Over the years I've been in touch with the mother of the deceased driver. We commiserate annually on the anniversary of the accident. She has never blamed me and for that I am immeasurably grateful.
