@Allie D. It helps that I'm not afraid very often. So they do rather stand out.
And, for sure. Regrets in spades, all over the map. Which is how I know about my fear-pattern. Because I tear things I regret down to their component pieces several times over looking for ways to avoid them in the future. The fear-one is honestly very difficult, because it tends to be subtle, and can look like being smart.
As an example, I didn't leave my husband when I was pregnant because I was afraid that it was just the hormones. And I didn't leave before the wedding because I was afraid of wasting all the money that had been spent, and afraid of letting people down. And I didn't leave when my son was little because I was afraid the courts would give my ex partial custody. And I did leave after he tried to kill me in front of our son, because I was afraid of the lessons that would teach him. And I didn't pull a "me" & simply ghost with my kid but tried to do the "responsible" thing and go through the courts... Because?... I was afraid of losing my family, and losing my family's investment in my house, and losing the life I'd worked so hard to build for my son & myself. Each and every single one of those decisions was fear based. And each of them were wrong. 20/20 hindsight actually shows several clear avenues / different choices I could have made that would
probably have netted me the results I wanted, and at the very least neatly sidestepped the problems I was afraid of... but I was so wrapped up in the fear of what I didn't want, that at the time I couldn't even see they were options.
There are a few dozen other examples, some interconnected like the above, some one off. Some had huge and far reaching consequences (people got hurt, people died) like the above, others were fairly contained. But the one overriding commonality they all have with each other is that the decision itself was based on fear.
Doesn't mean that I'm never afraid or feel fear about decisions I've made based on other things. I make decisions
while afraid all the time that work out just fine. It's the decisions I make
because I'm afraid that always, always, always bite me in the ass. So when I realize fear is even a component? Before absolutely anything else I need to recognize it, flag it as a warning, and set it aside. It's okay to be afraid. Fear gives me an edge. But anything beyond that edge needs to be dealt with, with a swiftness. It cannot be the sum total of why I am, or am not, doing something. And it can't be the backbone of why I'm doing -or not doing- something. Or what I'm doing? Will be wrong. Every time.
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So the semantic bit (which I think is important!) is actually the easiest piece. Squares and rectangles :D. Every decision I've ever made based on fear I regret. (All squares are rectangles). But I do still have regrets surrounding things not based on fear (not all rectangles are squares).
