Fear Of Psychosis... Can Anyone Else Relate?

[missjasmyn]

Hi all!

I hope I don't sound too crazy in posting this! I have been living with PTSD for a little over three years now, and it has been incredibly hard. The hardest part for me is that my anxiety seems to be getting worse, even though I am sticking to my treatment and it is going really well. I am a lot better in dealing with the trauma itself, but my anxiety has begun to take different forms. Currently, I am completely obsessed/terrified that I'm losing my mind, or even worse that I'm developing schizophrenia.

I feel like it could be the hypervigilance and anxiety coupled together to make me think I'm going crazy. I don't hear voices, I am not deluded, and I don't see things. I am just terrified of that happening or losing my mind completely. I feel like the anxiety is making me look out for signs of psychosis/schizophrenia and I am suffering because of it. I constantly look up things about schizophrenia to make sure I don't have any of the symptoms, and throughout the day I question everything I think and do to see if I could be losing it.

My therapist has assured me that its just the anxiety and that I am making myself freak out over nothing. I know that part of anxiety is fearing the worst, and psychosis is of course the worst possible outcome (when it comes to mental illness).

Has this happened to anyone else?

 

[Sammyiam]

Hi,

I have exactly the same but for me it's dying from the sun (like cancer) or other stuff but I could have written this post. It's not you going crazy but the PTSD and other stuff. I live with a huge fear that I'm going to die because of something I have done wrong and look in the mirror on a bad day like 50 times to see if anything had changed. The silly thing is I nearly died on T use day falling off a ladder that snapped while I was on the top step and it happened so fast I landed on my head. I'm still on the sofa with the injuries. It was my fault bit that didn't worry me . So how's that for crazy

 

[Friday]

The 'And Then What?' game helps me master a lot of my fears.

Case in point:

What if I become schizophrenic?
and then what?
I go to a psychiatrist or hospital.
and then what?
I'm diagnosed and begin a treatment plan of meds & therapy.
and then what?
I find meds that work & coping skills to let me lead a normal life.
and then what?
I live my life.

It works with most 'One night as I lay lying here, a What If crawled inside my ear. It danced and partied all night long, and sang its little What if song'.

I think you're already kind of in the middle of this process, in your researching about your fears, but you stopped too soon. Instead of just researching signs and symptoms... Make the leap. What if you did develop (schizophrenia, cancer, an acute allergy to sunlight, whatever). And then what? All kinds of things happen to people, and it's challenging. Flat out is. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad, it's new. And new things have a learning curve. Action kills fear. Knowledge kills fear. Track down your What Ifs and kill them with knowledge. What If you had it? Don't just fret, lost in the unknown. Assume the premise and rock out with your (chicken) out. Treatment centers, funding, recovery rates. Eventually, either secure in the knowledge that there are usually half a dozen fantastic alternatives to BigBad&Scary, or ground down by the tedium of real science (instead of flashy pseudoscience) and logistics... You kill the 'What Ifs'.

LOL... And while worst case scenarios can be alluring (what if I came down with it in Nowhere, East of Eden... And I was chained outside a shed because locals thought I was an Oracle, or some 1950s time loop asylum captured me to perform experiments), because they can be fun to play with... Especially if you've got a sense of humor...Do make sure you back track to a realistic 'And then what?' :) They're alluring because of the added adrenaline. Chill out with some mind numbing research.

 

[missjasmyn]

@FridayJones
That has to be one of the most useful pieces of advice I have ever been given. Truly, thank you so much for that. I will try this and see how it works out, but just reading your post alone made me feel better

 

[Jane.l]

@FridayJones it made me feel better too and it's not even my problem ! :)

 

[Lucycat]

I agree with everything @FridayJones said. But also I want to point out that psychosis is actually not uncommon in PTSD and does not mean you have schizophrenia. Many people have one or a few episodes of psychosis and it passes. It is can be a transient symptom like a headache. It may or may not need treatment. The absolute fear of it only serves to increase the stigma attached to it, sadly.