Hello everyone,
It's been a very long time since I've posted. I won't get into the details of why it's been so long, and I'm not certain I'll actually have the time to post regularly again, but I had an extra 20 minutes to myself, so I'm signing on and sharing what's going on with me.
I have learned alot over the last 2+ years of being in a relationship with someone with C-PTSD. I've learned that I still need alot of practice in how to communicate effectively. I grew up learning that a "lady" never gets angry, and that one message has been a thorn in my side most of my life, but especially in living with someone with PTSD.
Recently my therapist challenged me to talk to my partner about "talking". That is to say she encouraged me to have a conversation with my partner about the anxiety I feel when I need to either speak to him about something that has upset me, or to confront him with an issue that we really need to discuss. She told me NOT to bring up specifics, but to try to relay how I feel about having to have a conversation. Let me just say, the thought of having this conversation really had me in an emotional tizzy. Because of my family of origin issues, I learned a long time ago NOT to speak up about stuff. I have good reason from negative experiences with my partner to be anxious about talking to him. I also have a bit of a martyr complex in that I believe it's okay to suffer with negative feelings, and I should just simply "let it all go" instead of addressing what's bothering me. Add all these things together, and I've learned that it all equals the perfect storm for harboring resentments and anger.
So, despite my anxieties I had the talk about talking. It was hard at first, but my partner listened. I had the conversation over the phone, not intentionally, but in the end it was easier for me. Thankfully, my partner has really worked hard with his recovery and PTSD issues. I don't think this is a conversation I could have had with him 12 months ago. I learned that it's much better for him and for me to bring issues up fairly quickly as they arise, so they don't fester and become bigger resentments. It's still not easy for me. I've had the opportunity several times to speak up, and I have to admit I've only had the courage to speak up about half of the times, but it's progress for me, and also for the health of our relationship.
This holiday season I am very grateful for all the wisdom and support I have had in my life because of my friends on the forum, and also for a very good therapist. And in a way, I'm glad that my partner is in my life, I've grown because of our experiences. Together we've grown, and I do feel like there is hope.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Shoka
It's been a very long time since I've posted. I won't get into the details of why it's been so long, and I'm not certain I'll actually have the time to post regularly again, but I had an extra 20 minutes to myself, so I'm signing on and sharing what's going on with me.
I have learned alot over the last 2+ years of being in a relationship with someone with C-PTSD. I've learned that I still need alot of practice in how to communicate effectively. I grew up learning that a "lady" never gets angry, and that one message has been a thorn in my side most of my life, but especially in living with someone with PTSD.
Recently my therapist challenged me to talk to my partner about "talking". That is to say she encouraged me to have a conversation with my partner about the anxiety I feel when I need to either speak to him about something that has upset me, or to confront him with an issue that we really need to discuss. She told me NOT to bring up specifics, but to try to relay how I feel about having to have a conversation. Let me just say, the thought of having this conversation really had me in an emotional tizzy. Because of my family of origin issues, I learned a long time ago NOT to speak up about stuff. I have good reason from negative experiences with my partner to be anxious about talking to him. I also have a bit of a martyr complex in that I believe it's okay to suffer with negative feelings, and I should just simply "let it all go" instead of addressing what's bothering me. Add all these things together, and I've learned that it all equals the perfect storm for harboring resentments and anger.
So, despite my anxieties I had the talk about talking. It was hard at first, but my partner listened. I had the conversation over the phone, not intentionally, but in the end it was easier for me. Thankfully, my partner has really worked hard with his recovery and PTSD issues. I don't think this is a conversation I could have had with him 12 months ago. I learned that it's much better for him and for me to bring issues up fairly quickly as they arise, so they don't fester and become bigger resentments. It's still not easy for me. I've had the opportunity several times to speak up, and I have to admit I've only had the courage to speak up about half of the times, but it's progress for me, and also for the health of our relationship.
This holiday season I am very grateful for all the wisdom and support I have had in my life because of my friends on the forum, and also for a very good therapist. And in a way, I'm glad that my partner is in my life, I've grown because of our experiences. Together we've grown, and I do feel like there is hope.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Shoka
