Fearing counseling

[Ms Priss]

Have an appointment with therapist this Friday. It seems like a lifetime ago we had the intake appointment.

I have continued to go downhill. I just cannot seem to get a grip.

I want to somehow tell her without sounding like I am attacking her or the mental health system that part of the trauma is from the mental health system a long time ago. Actually I am petrified of the system and their drugs.

But I need help so I have to go. I did call her once since the intake and it was established that I will not be doing DBT because the copays are out of my reach. I am poor but make too much money to qualify for govt. help. Actually I will have to make budget cuts somewhere to afford the appointments with her, but I am willing to do that.

Just so scared.
So isolated and alone...trying to make the best of it.

 

[hodge]

I admire your bravery. Because it so takes a lot of bravery to undertake therapy. I've been where you are. Before I was diagnosed I was terrified because I knew something was very wrong but had no idea what it was. When the therapist told me it was PTSD I was shocked. Shocked!

I'm so sorry you had previous bad experience with treatment. I pray your new therapist is a good person and professional. If you feel she's not right for you, don't hesitate to find another one. It's so important to trust one's therapist.

Take care!

 

[Ms Priss]

Thank-you, Hodge.

Trust me when I say I feel anything but brave at this point.

She is a trauma counselor which is something I have not had before so that is one hopeful thing!!

Am not sure but feel I need to be a little more stable before really delving into the trauma.
Just go and see what happens.

 

[hodge]

I know. I didn't feel brave, either. But I was. And so are you.

And, yep, it takes some time to feel comfortable enough with someone to start delving into it. I actually wrote a list of all my traumas and emailed it to my T. I can kind of joke these days about how it's easier to list what I haven't been through. I for the first time have a trauma specialist, too. She totally gets it. Plus she has PTSD also, but is super functional.

Just keep going.

 

[Scarlet13]

I totally get that fear of the mental healthcare system and of drugs. I had several negative experiences, unfortunately.
I did find a HUGE difference seeing a t who specializes in trauma.
I also get the worry of delving into the trauma when you are not ready. I found that my trauma t is really attuned to that and really gentle. That is great that you are doing this!