Feel Like I Am Spiraling

[mrsmegan]

T and I had a good session yesterday - he tried something new and wanted to talk to "Megan's Shame" - so we did that, and I let the shame part of me talk for a bit. It was interesting, I felt like it was a useful exercise.

However, not too long after I left my session, I feel like I am spiraling into shame going 50 miles an hour. It's like that part has completely taken over. All I can think of is how terrible I am, about how disgusting and dirty I am, and completely worthless.... :sorry::(

 

[FauxLiz]

@mrsmegan i am sorry you are having a difficult day. I can't say that I have done anything similar in my sessions but I do know what it feels like to let shame spiral out of control, I am dealing with that right now, two weeks ago we were dealing with my self-loathing and I was not doing well, it was not a well timed session because my Pdoc tweaked my Medes the same week and I have gained 25 lbs in two weeks as a side effect then I had to try and find clothing that fits for a business trip. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of how I look in general noe at this conference I feel as though everyone is noticing my weight. You are not any of those things your shame I telling you. You are a smart, caring person

 

[GreyStreet]

T and I had a good session yesterday - he tried something new and wanted to talk to "Megan's Shame" -...

I'm really glad that exercise seemed to work for you but am sorry to hear that it backfired a little when you left. Sounds like it wasn't easy to take "Megan's shame" out of that safe space and feel positive about it on your own... and how could it be easy!?! That's not an easy task by far and I think it's incredibly brave to face that part of yourself. And it's a process right? Stay brave, in time it won't have such a strong hold on us.

 

[Arebas]

I'm sorry that happened. I wish "Megan's Shame" would see that it's ok that she exists but that you are so much more than just that and she needs to make room for all the other things you are and you feel. She can have a voice again on another session, and you can express all that shame and let it be and look at it then, when you're with your T and it's not just you, cause you have a life to live and shame can wait a little. So, Megan's shame, go back to the box and wait a bit, please. You're not putting it away forever, just till next session. You're not denying that the feeling is there, but you allow yourself to feel worthless or dirty in some other time and some other place. I really wish you could talk to Megan's Shame and tell her this. I wish all that Shame could see that you did a very brave thing letting it out and that's not what a worthless person would do, that's what someone brave and worthy does.

 

[mrsmegan]

Thank you all - this was really helpful. I did some self-care last night, went to yoga and enjoyed some chocolate. Feeling a bit better today.